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Possible story start

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Not really sure, but this is a possible beginning to a story idea I've been playing with for a while now. Just thought I'd throw it out there, just 'cause.


Luke Samuels had never seen his dad cry before. The man's tears reflected the dark orange and yellow flashes coming through the glass. Luke watched his dad, but Dr. Bryce Samuels was watching the sun die.

The flashing grew more rapid, and then stopped. A faint reddish-orange glow was all that remained in the sky, and it too was fading fast. The stars appeared.

The wind, furious at the betrayal, unleashed its rage upon the rocky landscape. The few trees between the glass and the shore lost their leaves immediately, then gave up in resignation. They seemed to shrink into themselves in fear, then lift their limbs and allow the wind to catch them. They sailed away, no more rooted to the ground than an old newspaper in a summer storm.

The ocean beyond, a half mile distant, fought the wind, then turned traitor and joined it. Giant waves, twenty feet, thirty, more, stretched their arms, gathered power from the murderous wind, and slammed ashore. The rocks they carried, dislodged from the seafloor, pulverized the shoreline. What little soil on the rocky ground between the window and the shore didn't stand a chance. Nothing but bare bedrock remained, no more than five minutes after the source of all earth's power shut itself off.

The thick glass and steel only allowed the faintest sounds to find their way inside. The sounds were of death. Of anger and fury. Of the end of everything.

Dr. Samuels couldn't look at his son. Luke knew he couldn't bear to show his face, to let Luke see the hopelessness, the confusion that was there. Instead, he turned away from the window, away from the darkness.

There wasn't anything to say. Nothing that wouldn't be a transparent lie. Instead, he simply whispered, “I'm sorry, son.” And he strode away, leaving Luke staring wide-eyed at the future tearing itself apart in front of him.

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A start needs an end. This is a very tough great start for anyone to write an end that will be just as great without killing everyone or being a cop-out.

Colin :icon_geek:

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Very powerful. And quite engaging; I'd certainly want to read more. The one piece of interpersonal plot is quite tantalizing, as the father says he is sorry to his son. I'd very much like to read about the basis for that...

Will the rest be flashback? I suppose that's the most available possibility, unless you have a convenient emuvian wormhole in the next room.

You science types certainly don't stint on dramatic situations!


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I'd go for a minimalist explanation: what if the father and sun are merely seeing a spectacular sunset, and they're both recovering from the tragic loss of a family member? The death of someone very close to you is "the end of the world" in a lot of ways; the key is finding a way to move on from there -- not forgetting them, but learning to live with their absence.

So Gee's prose could be interpreted as an allegory, not necessarily to be taken literally. (The stuff about the Earth's power notwithstanding.) Or maybe it's a dream. Lots of different ways you can go.

BTW, anybody watching the new NBC-TV show Revolution? I'm hoping for the best, but J.J. Abrams has disappointed me before (Lost, Alcratraz, etc.)

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Let me say, Mr. Gee, if your ideas are anything like this I want you to stop everything and write the story.

I remember watching Rod Serling's programs in my younger days. And then one evening I saw this program called Night Gallery. I will tell you, this story episode had a most profound effect on me and I can see a bit of this in what you have suggested:


If you have the patience the original episode of Night Gallery is posted on You Tube but the links have been disabled. Just look for The Boy who Predicted Earthquakes...and be prepared to freak out!

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