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Cars, Bats, and Asshats...

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Gather around children, and I will tell a tale concerning malicious deeds...

Once there was a nice young college student by the name of Naiilo. Naiilo had just recently acquired a model 2002 Pontiac GrandAm to replace his old, failing Ford Taurus. The GrandAm was a brilliant white, with dark, tinted windows and a low montly payment. Naiilo thought it was just simply divine.

Well now, one day Naiilo and a friend of his went to a local park to catch up on old times, when - off in the distance - they heard some horrible coming from the direction that Naiilo had left his car in. When they went to the car, they found that all of the GrandAm's beautiful, deep, dark windows were crushed in upon themselves. This was perfomed, Naiilo and his friend suspected, by a hideous Blazer that had just sped away into the distance.

Naiilo was heartbroken! He had so many more payments and even with full coverage his deductable was 500.00USD, so he couldn't afford to take that lovely trip to the ice caves that he had been planning.

Naiilo's friend and he drove home in the dark, glass falling onto them from the poor GrandAm's broken-in windows. When they arrived at Naiilo's home, he called the constable, who decided that since Naiilo is only 20, that he must have been up to nothing but trouble.

Now Naiilo must journey to visit the wicked Insurance-Meister, to hopefully gain some gold in which to fix the poor, beaten GrandAm.

~To be continued...

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I have slept on this, Naillo, and woke up with what should have been considered by the gendarmerie when you reported the crime.

This appears to be almost a crime of passion and since the rather expensive tinted windows were what was damaged and since the car was pre-owned when you got it, it could have been the act of anger of the former owner of the car who might have lost it through reposession and who had spent a lot of money on the tinted windows.

Spotting it parked in a secluded spot late at night might have been enough - especially if he had been drinking - to spark the malicious vandalism you suffered.

You might mention the theory to the police or claims adjuster, but frankly cops seldom follow up on logical solutions to property-damage crimes, preferring to spend their productive time sampling the latest free offerings at the local Dunkin' Donuts.

I feel for you buddy...


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Ah, now once again, gather round the fire for more of the same tale I began a night ago:

Upon entering the mildewed lair of the wicked Insurance-Meister, Naiilo came upon a monstrosity so fierce, that the only one ever to survive a viewing before this event had named it the secretary. A vicious beast, feeding on the countless words one scribes in ink and time... The secretary was a formidable foe, but Naiilo was able to overcome him and go deep into the Insurance-Meister's lair.

As he entered the tobacco smelling lair, Naiilo noticed the Insurance-Meister lounging in his old, buckling chair. A fair greeting and several threats later, our hero was able to gain the gold he needed to make the necessary repairations to GrandAm.

Naiilo rushed up and out of the Insuance-Meister's lair, and onward towards the glass blower's shop, deep on the other side of town.

When he arrived they greeted him and told him it would be seven hours until GrandAm was repaired. Naiilo waited and waited, and finally the glass blower announced GrandAm's completion. Naiilo was so extatic that he raced home to his keep, and to an aweful scolding because his premium went up.

~The End~

So kids, what have we learned from this afterschool special?

" Never go to an out of the way park in the middle of the night and not expect the sounds of glass breaking in the distance to just be nonsense, it might be your new car's windows being busted out with a baseball bat. chorus>


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