The horror of suicide

[Hoskins]

Cole, doesn't "Dominos" carry elements of this event, albeit with a completely different outcome?

[Lugnutz]

Who has the stones to put this together? It'll be a brain cramper.

[Cole Parker]

Elements, sure. The difference is the boy in Dominos had a friend who cared about him, and was proactive. This real kid didn't seem to have anyone like that.

Thanks for the reminder!

C

[The Pecman]

I think the only way to write it would be from the viewpoint of the kid who shot the video but is now overwhelmed with regret. Otherwise, trying to get inside the head of the wronged boy would be pretty torturous.

My twist on the idea would be like this:

A gay kid is occasionally tormented by a good-looking, popular, athletic kid in school. The gay kid -- we'll call him Joe -- has friends, some outside interests, but makes no secret he's gay. He's fascinated by the athletic kid -- we'll call him Mikey -- and even though Mikey is rude and abrupt to him, there's an undeniable attraction there, at least from Joe's side. The torment isn't necessarily physical, more like an occasional rude remark, a taunt in the lunchroom line, nobody getting beat up. But still there.

Joe starts taking candid shots of Mikey the athlete -- maybe at track meets, maybe on the football field, whenever -- and one day, manages to get some surreptitious shots of Mikey jerking off in the restroom. Because Mikey has rejected him up to this point, Joe opts to exact some playful revenge by posting segments to the net. Mikey completely freaks out, loses all his friends, and winds up killing himself... which is not nearly the ending Joe had expected.

I think exploring the mindset and attitude of the tormenter has more possibilities than staying with the kid in the videos, and could also illustrate why one thoughtless act -- especially one done at the careless push of one button -- could totally destroy somebody's life in just a few seconds.

Me, I'm not one to tackle stories with downbeat, depressing endings, but I think somebody could do something with this core idea. I'd agree to help with ideas, rewrites, and editing if somebody else wants to go for it.

[DesDownunder]

I'd tackle it a little differently. After the suicide, I'd have the high flying and powerful parents of the camera kid, employ a fixer lawyer who gets the boy off on a technicality. Then slowly, the boy comes to understand what he has done; how he contributed to the suicide and the devastating effect that has on his own life.

This is merely an outline. However, by its very nature it has the necessary makings of a Greek tragedy with all the psychological effects of a cathartic experience for the audience.

[Cole Parker]

The fact is, with almost all the cyber bullying we read about, when the perpetrating kids are approached, in the vast majority of cases what they don't feel is remorse. We, as adults are appalled. They, with their adolescent immaturity, with their pre-adult egocentricity, do not feel the shame and regret we expect them to.

This, unfortunately, is reality. It's why this stuff keeps happening. The kids live in their own world and do awful things to each other, and they're rarely disturbed by the consequences. What's important to them is that they are accepted by the pack, not what happened to some other kid who was being culled.

This makes writing a story about this difficult. Because, of course, we want the guilty party to be devastated. It's the only thing that makes sense to us. It's the only outcome that has any satisfaction for us. Yet how many news reports of teens being driven to suicide include the fact that the culprit(s) seem oblivious to the tragedy and their part(s) in it? They never seem to feel they did anything wrong. This is true in almost every case.

We could write the story the way it would feel good to us. But it would lack veracity.

C

[gwilym.pocock]

I sort of agree with you Cole, except I think that the extent to which they live in their own world depends on their age, and who they are. Some kids and teenagers are more reliable than others in thinking about consequences.

I was thinking that these the person who shot this video may be autistic, if they didn't realise the consequences beforehand. Then again, they may just be a child. Do you think special account should be taken into account if they are autistic? Does it actually matter? If you were the judge, what would you sentence them to?

I agree this has story potential. You could do it through the eyes of the investigator, or the parents, or a teacher. I think through the eyes of the filmer is best though, or someone who egged the filmer on to post the video.

[Gee Whillickers]

I don't really think this can be generalized like that, Cole. One of the things that makes our stories about teens so interesting is because of the conflicting emotions and drives they feel at those ages, and before they're adult enough to have settled these down into some kind of coherent world view.

Yes, teens are driven my peer pressure, egocentricity, short term gain, and lack of understanding of consequences. But most, unless they have significant emotional and social problems, still have empathy underneath that. It's just often hidden by those hormone-driven emotions that seem to supersede it. And sometimes help is needed for them to connect the dots. The empathy usually comes out after one-on-one time with someone more mature who role models it, quiet reflection time, and, mostly, direct observation and time with someone who has suffered the consequences of such things and who they have or are led to have some kind of relationship with.

Yes, there are kids who simply won't get it. But many will.

When I was in junior high school there was a girl in my grade who suffered from a weight problem. She was often bullied and teased about it. I was most definitely not the type of kid to join in which such things, more often I was at the receiving end of bullying and teasing. But one day, for whatever reason, she made a friendly comment to me which I answered with a offhand and rude, sarcastic remark about her weight.

I remember her reaction. I remember how I felt. Immediately. I realized I had just inflicted the kind of feelings I so much hated when others inflicted them upon me. I felt horrible. Awful.

Unfortunately, those feelings, empathy, altruism, etc, are so very well suppressed by the desperate need to feel accepted. Especially at certain ages.

[Nick Deverill]

I was thinking that these the person who shot this video may be autistic, if they didn't realise the consequences beforehand. Then again, they may just be a child. Do you think special account should be taken into account if they are autistic? Does it actually matter? If you were the judge, what would you sentence them to?

In the sense that autistic kids don't understand others - perhaps, but I can quite believe the film shooter is 'normal' and just suffering from the misjudgements that many teenagers make. I dare say the psychological aspect will be fully explored in the defence of the kid. Don't know about American law, but it would not surprise me if the action against the school failed on the basis that all reasonable things were done. Banning phones in this day and age is doomed to failure, and only a twit would make such a rule. Any good rule/law can be enforced, if your new one can't be, then it's not a good rule/law by definition. (Regrettably, law makers across the globe seem to be in ignorance of this point).

In respect of a story, it has quite a bit of potential. I would however caution someone not to write it yet as the matter is sub judice. I can visualise an ending too, with the tale being told by the film shooter twenty years on.

[Merkin]

The kids live in their own world and do awful things to each other, and they're rarely disturbed by the consequences. What's important to them is that they are accepted by the pack, not what happened to some other kid who was being culled.

Allthough I tend to share your pessimistic view of teens, don't forget that a teen can be fiercely loyal, intensely idealistic, a tireless supporter of causes to fix the world, and quick to see through the false postures and adult-generated bullshit they are surrounded by on a daily basis.

[Cole Parker]

Hey, I love teens. Really do. It's why I write about them. Adults are far less interesting. And of course there are ones who care about others, just like there are ones who are more interested in their own popularity than anything else in their lives. I'm appalled by the ones who cyber bully other kids and wreck havoc with them and don't give a fiddler's fart about that. I'm appalled by the ones whose personal popularity is the most important thing in the world to them. How shallow is that, anyway? Five years out of high school most of those people will never see each other again.

We'd all like to think someone who has affected another teenager so harmfully that suicide occurs would be torn up by it. And I'm sure sometimes that happens. We all know sometimes it doesn't.

Yes, I think Gee's right that sensitivity plays a role. It's much more difficult for a sensitive kid to be mean to others, and impossible for him to be that way without feeling remorse.

C

[The Pecman]

The fact is, with almost all the cyber bullying we read about, when the perpetrating kids are approached, in the vast majority of cases what they don't feel is remorse. We, as adults are appalled. They, with their adolescent immaturity, with their pre-adult egocentricity, do not feel the shame and regret we expect them to.

One thing that gives me hope is that Matthew Burdette's mother later told an interviewer that more than 300 people came to her son's funeral, and quite a few kids came up to her and said that Matthew "didn't deserve what happened to him," or words to that effect. So I think most of the kids eventually realized what was done to him was wrong.

But I agree with Cole in a sense, because I have seen cases where one kid drove another to suicide, and later on the bully was questioned and had an answer like, "well, that kid was weak and stupid, and he probably would've killed himself anyway." So the bully may try to shield himself from any responsibility with vague excuses, trying to distance himself from the situation and put all the blame on the victim. Maybe eventually, with enough psychological counseling (and jail time), the bully would begin to see, "oh... so it was my fault that all this happened."

In this case, though, this was a popular, athletic kid who was bright and well-liked, who had his entire world completely crushed in one day. It's that stark contrast that I find particularly haunting and affecting.

[DesDownunder]

So many plots and sub-plots offer themselves for any story based around the facts of this case. There is more here than a perfunctory documentary merely reporting the events.