Bisexuality...what does it mean?

[Chris James]

I suppose many of us have pondered what the B in LGBTQ means. Some suggest bisexuality is less than a commitment to being gay but then admit that gay is not a lifestyle choice as many critics would have us believe. So what does bisexuality mean?

http://imfromdriftwood.com/mike_szymanski/

After reading this I find myself even more confused. It would seem the bisexual wants a foot in both worlds. Does that mean he is just exploiting the position to increase the availability of sexual relations? From my understanding gay is more than bedroom activity. But I am politically active for gay rights and see that as part of my responsibility as a gay man.

Thoughts....anyone?

[Hoskins]

Bisexuality is not about greed. It's about being attracted to, falling in love with, or just having sex with other people regardless of the equipment. If you like Mike, then you go have a relationship/whatever with Mike. If, after your thing with Mike ends, you then hook up with Tina, that's cool too.

It is a distinct sexual identity, like being gay or straight. Nothing to be confused about: gay men like men. Straight men like women. Bisexual men like men OR women.

Flip the genders if you're female...

The perception that bisexuals are somehow "greedy" because they are able to carry on relationships with either sex is a pretty offensive one. It's really about not caring about the sex of the person you're with.

[Cole Parker]

Hoskins' explanation is how I've always felt about it. Both sexes can and do excite you. Perhaps not equally, perhaps you have a bias, but you're not limited to excitement with only one gender.

I agree that it's more than just sex. It's about love, too, and to me, being bi means loving the person you're with, regardless of his or her gender.

This coincides with Kinsey's studies. If sexual attaction is put on a scale from 0 to 6, those in the middle, the 2s, 3s and 4s, would be considered bi. Perhaps, definition-wise, even the 1s and 5s to a much lesser extent could be said to have bi feelings.

C

[Camy]

I think human sexuality is fluid: it's just a question of degree, and what floats your boat. Finding your soul mate is the thing....

[Lugnutz]

Mine doesn't seem to exist.

[colinian]

It is a distinct sexual identity, like being gay or straight. Nothing to be confused about: gay men like men. Straight men like women. Bisexual men like men OR women.

Flip the genders if you're female.

Bisexual men like men AND women. Flip the genders if you're female.

Something worthy of a few stories hereabouts, don'cha think?

Colin

[DesDownunder]

I'm pretty certain that the world is not yet ready to cope with the idea that human sexuality is fluid, and yes; pun intended.

The extension of the Kinsey findings, is that human sexuality has two very real conditions:

1. The natural sexual expression to achieve orgasm, and,

2. Cultural boundaries that seek to curb or promote that sexual expression.

It is only #2 that deems the nature of the sexual expression as socially acceptable or not.

Variation of what is socially acceptable, depends on many factors in any given epoch or culture.

At present we seem to be trying to achieve recognition of the individual's right to express themselves sexually without judgement or condemnation, where consent is mutually given by those participating in the sexual expression, and regardless of other people's religious ideas or cultural taboos.

Restrictions are to be governed only by stipulating protection for those who cannot, or do not wish to, consent.

We do not really need to segregate and label ourselves into only one sexual category, though we should certainly be free to do so if we so wish. Such is the journey of our lives; to discover who we are.

When we fall in love, we usually have a fairly good idea of where our sexuality has matured, even if it does surprise some of us. Ultimately, our desire should be to find acceptance and celebration of that love within the secular global society of human beings.

[Cynus]

I used to hate labels. Still do in fact, but in order to facilitate communication they are sometimes necessary. I've identified by several labels throughout my life regarding my sexuality, and bisexual was one I used for a long time. It was only when I discovered that pansexuality was a thing that I abandoned bisexuality as the identity I gave to people, so I think i can offer some perspective.

It certainly isn't greed. Greed would imply that I was seeking those encounters with both men and women, and for most of my life I haven't been. After I lost someone very important to me, I withdrew from seeking for relationships for quite some time, but that didn't mean I stopped being attracted to people. I have been, and continue to be, attracted to both genders. My first crush in life was on a boy, the second and third on boys, and then my fourth crush was a girl. And then my fifth crush was a girl. And then I went back to boys for awhile, with the occassional girl sneaking in there. Now that I'm an adult, it's actually much closer to fifty fifty on my attraction than it was as a teenager.

But greed certainly doesn't generate the attraction, at least not greed of having sex. I don't even like sex very much, to be completely honest with you. I am far more concerned with intimacy than sex, and they are certainly not the same thing. You can have sex with someone and not be truly intimate, and you can be truly intimate with someone without having sex. Maybe there are some bisexual people who are greedy for sex, but I can definitely vouch that there are also those that aren't.

I agree with the premise stated above that sexuality is fluid, since that aligns with my nihilistic view of the world. Nothing is set in stone, no matter how much we want to believe that it is.

[Hoskins]

It sure seems like society wants people to conform to categories. We seem to want to box people into "what we understand" versus what people are.

There are no boxes, in my world. You love the one you're with, and it doesn't really matter if there's a penis or a vagina or a bag of chips where the legs come together. Sex and sexuality are only one component of a relationship, and there are many pieces/parts that make up the whole thing. The best partners are those that don't seek out categories, but those that seek for what works for THEM.

[Graeme]

I can see that sexuality may be fluid for some people, but I doubt it is fluid for most.

Sexuality, to me, is about attraction, as Hoskins said early in this thread. I am generally sexually attracted to males, but I'm in a happy heterosexual relationship. I have no interest in other women, but I'm definitely attracted to other guys. Am I bi-sexual or gay?

I explained it to my wife when I came out as being 80% attracted to guys and 20% attracted to women. To be honest, I fudged the figures to make her feel better (it was a scary time in our relationship). When dealing with a specific person, I can see that I could be attracted to anyone, but as a matter of practicality, it would be very difficult for me to be attracted to a woman because they've got a huge hurdle to get over in gathering some initial interest from me. Guys, on the other hand....

There are those who can find themselves attracted to some men and some women. Good for them! That's not me, but I don't expect everyone to be attracted to the same things as me.

[DesDownunder]

Fluid sexuality is not a snapshot in time, it is a shift in time when we find ourselves attracted to others in varying degrees. I think that's why it so difficult to understand; we tend to make a decision as to what attracts us whilst setting aside that, as we grow and develop our attractions may shift.

Once we have settled on a description of ourselves for our own use, it is nearly impossible to change the label. But, the sages of both East and West tell us to remain only one thing, to be prepared to explore change, to understand that nothing lasts forever, and that is not easy.

To return to fluid sexuality, there is no reason to be anything other than what we feel we are, but shifts in time and experiences , may provide us with an expanded observation of ourselves. Homo- hetero- bi-sexual are but three labels, and none of them may describe what I feel about myself all the time...it's fluid.

It's freedom to be me, what ever, or whoever that may be. Today it's gay, tomorrow, I'll wait and see.

[DesDownunder]

Yes Rick, cultural taboos do influence people to submit to other people's opinions. Authority figures are not always obvious, but slowly they are being questioned and broken down so people can have that liberty to be themselves. Strangely enough it was back in the 1960s during the era of the flower people, as they were called, that everyone seemed much happier despite the law still condemning being gay. It didn't stop people finding out what freedom of sexual expression was all about.

By 1974, there was, as I said at the time, a sign on the highway of life and it read, "Turn back, you are going the wrong way." Unfortunately, our cultures ignored it and took a right turn to where we find ourselves now. Luckily homosexuality had been freed from the confines of the law just in time before the HIV?AIDS virus arrived.

We still have a lot of work to do to realise the happiness that comes with equality and freedom of sexual expression.