ghost poem

[blue]

* I submitted the poem below to Nick for inclusion on the site, but as he's busy, I'm going to post it below.

* The vertical bars indicate two tabbed columns, which the forum can't handle. The columns are in the HTML file, though.

* The poem may reappear on a site of my own later.

* It was originally intended for inclusion in a story, but the story has fizzled, at least for now.

* So here's the poem. Enjoy.

* Oh, and the lack of capitals is intentional.

ghost

by ~Blue 2004-08-22

copyright ? 2004; all rights reserved;

in sight? | out of sight?

fade in? | fade out?

fate in? | fate out?

keep in? | keep out?

stay in? | stay out?

come in? | come out?

join me in? | help me out?

hide it? | show it?

share my life? | turn away?

love me? | hate me?

courageous? | coward?

foolish? | sensible?

there is something in my closet.

but it is not a skeleton.

it is a ghost of me.

a part of myself apart, hidden.

someone i am but cannot be.

i want to be my whole self.

i do not want to hide the truth.

yet i do not know how to face it.

but it is me.

it is who and what and how i am.

i cannot hide from god.

i cannot hide from me.

i embrace this ghost into me.

out is how i must be.

-----

this poem was originally written 2004-08-07 for possible inclusion in a short story or novella. less than a week later, 2004-08-11, i came out to someone for the first time. i added the last two lines to resolve the change in my mindset on 2004-08-22. i have decided to post this poem. it may still end up in a story, we'll see. the side-by-side stanzas are meant to show the confusion and distress of the poem's narrator with mixed, undecided pros and cons. finally, the narrator comes to some resolution.