[A Dude Named Milton]

Now, I'll tell ya a tale that'll bust your heart

That only a few people knew, to start

It all took place when our concert tour was booked at the SeaTac Hilton?

I'll guarantee every word is the Gospel truth

Got witnesses to prove it, too,

'Cause we all toured with a fellow by the name of Milton

Now Milton was our official tour director,

Electrical piano-playing plug connector

And the slave-drivingest travel conductor

That we ever seen in our lives

He'd yell "Whaddya mean, you need more rest?

"The world don't care whether you look your best!

"Simply show up promptly at six A.M. with your instruments ...and your wives!"

He'd always arrive in the nick of time

A good five minutes ahead of flight time

And looking like he'd been drug through a needle's eye

He'd stand there, stoned and about to choke

On his Egg McMuffin and his giant Coke

And then he'd throw all the tickets on the counter and yell

"Check the bags and let's fly!"

"Well, whaddya mean, this is too much weight?

"We only got forty-six pieces of freight!

"And if it don't go, who's gonna explain it to our fan club in Tacoma?"

We'd all get embarassed and head for the plane

While Milton stood there, being profane

But somehow he always managed to get on board ?in sort of a coma

Well, we deplaned at the other end

All the trouble seemed to commence again

Though Milton had ordered three station wagons, a pickup truck and a limo

And though he'd phoned ahead to that Number Two

Cussing and fussing and turning blue

We'd always end up with two Datsun's and a Pinto

Now Milton took all of that stuff in stride

Laid on the floor, and kicked and cried

But we always looked up to him for hope and salvation

But we'd sink to the bottom of travelers hell

When he'd check us in a remote motel

And he'd grab the clerk by his shirt and tie and yell

"Whaddya mean, ?no reservaci?nes?"

He'd shut himself in room 104

Let nobody in till he swept the floor

Adjusted the lampshade, aligned the TV, fixed the faucet, called the promoter

(Yells)

"Well, whaddya mean we're the warmup show?

"You're putting me on! We're stars, you know!

"And this ain't the way we was treated last summer at Six Flags Over Dakota!

"Now we gotta have a hundred percent top billing,

"Two-thirds in advance, of course, you silly!

"I'm sure we prefer a chauffered limosine and two air-conditioned dressing rooms, please.

"I'm what? Well, so is your wife! She's not? Well, to each his own.

"Beg pardon, stick it in my what? Well, really, Merle who?"

Now, Milton was a real good friend of mine

And we'd stuck together on down that line

But there was one or two points over which we just had to debate..

Like taking your clothes off and hanging from a cross in front of the Tri-County Fairgrounds

Is not necessarily an assurance that the crowd ain't gonna start throwin tomatos

And when you arrive at four for a five o'clock show

And the stage ain't built and there's no electricity

About all you could do is sit on your butt and cut bait

However, you give ole Milton four strong bodies, a nine foot grand, a beer and a cigarette

And you just knew that show was gonna be out of state

Now one night up there in Washington

We didn't get paid for a show we'd done

And poor old Milton couldn't live with that; his brain just shorted out.

Well, he locked himself in the bathroom

And then when he didn't come out for an hour and a half

We figured that something was wrong, but we had to remove all doubt

We stood transfixed in shock and horror

When we busted down that there bathroom door

And I hope I never see a sight like that again; no, I don't

There was nothing to do but close our eyes, and bow our heads, and vocalize

With a silent five-part acapella hymn, for him

Now we're getting ready, come next December

To put another concert tour together

And I'm sad to say old Milton ain't gonna be with us

No, it ain't gonna be exactly the same

When they introduce us without his name

So Milton, wherever you are, we hope you miss us!

See, Milton has moved on down the road

Over the rainbow, looking for gold

Yeah, he's up there where the stage lights is always on

But we can't forget that curly hair

When last we saw him sitting there

Holding his tambourine, sucking his thumb, and sound asleep on the john

[Undecided]

Now how many peppers did Peter Piper pick to get himself a peck of pickled peppers? But more importantly, how many pickles do you get in a peck, when you can't find no peppers to pick? And furthermore, who wants a pickle that's made from a pepper by a guy named Peter Piper? And in conclusion, how many pipers do you know that pick pickles? And how many Peters are pickled?

Now how many ducks could a duck plucker pluck, if the duck plucker plucked until dark? And more importantly, how many plucks would it take on a duck, till the plucker got duck plucker's arm? And furthermore, if the duck plucker died while plucking the duck, would you call it the fault of the duck? Or think now, would you say that the plucker had run out of ducks? And they called it "duck plucker's luck"?

Now how much wood could a woodpecker peck, while Peter was picking them peppers? And what if the pluckor became the pluckee, and the woodpecker's name was Chuck?

[To All of You]

It's always nice to be appreciated. So... we appreciate you for appreciating us appreciating you... or, er, something like that. (I think I strained something! )

You'll meet more of the denizens er, members as you go.

ha ha ha whoa too kewl Blue 8) :p

-Justyn-

[To All of You]

Hey Guy's I just wanted to thank all of you for the very friendly welcome when I first joined and to all of you for the help , suggestions and advise you gave me. I'm not trying to fluff ya I'm jst saying Thank You I really appreciate it :D AwesomeDude is a AwesomeSite

-Justyn C Case-

[The Little Brown Sparrow]

Thank You very much TR :)

[The Little Brown Sparrow]

Thank You Berkeley Romantic :D

[The Little Brown Sparrow]

Yikes !! lol I did leave that out lol sorry Try Again

Ok first off the poem was a actual event that took place when I was 10 years old It was for a class assignment that was due by the end of 1st semester of my Sophmore year in High School I had revised it many times cause I just couldnt find the right words it had earned me a B which I thought koolio . But you're right there's like 10 And's and I know it dont look right but that was aa best as I could lol I was originally one whole paragraph till a friend suggested that I break it down OK now the example umm What would you delete or add to make it more presentable? I read the forum on Editing Demo but what I came up with looked way whacked out I was like OH GAWD NO ! (giggles) I really do appreciate your time Gabe oby pointing out and explaining your views to me :D

[The Little Brown Sparrow]

That was heavy. It was really good.

Though, if I were to make one suggestion; it would be to drop some of those conjunctions at the beginnings of its sentences.

I like how it's purposefully metaphorical.

--Gabe

Thank You Gabe umm this might sound kind of lame but could you please give me an example ? That is if you don't mind. I'm a 19 year old who don't know much about writing but any suggestions I'd sure appreciate :D

-Justyn-

[The Little Brown Sparrow]

One green April morning when I was a young boy

I lay by the window watching the rain

And I wondered if ever the sun would come shining

So I could go somewhere to play

Then down from the sky flew a little brown sparrow

And he landed on a branch of an old willow tree

And he sit there watching as I lay wondering

Just the little brown sparrow and me

Then he looked in my window and spied his reflection

There was the willow, there was the sky

And he wondered if ever the sun would come shining

And which was the way for the sparrow to fly

Well, he spread out his wings and he flew to the window

Fast as the wind, sure as could be

But the sky in the window was only a wishing

For the little brown sparrow and me

So there by the window, the sparrow had fallen

He died on the ground in the cold April rain

And I wondered if ever the sun would come shining

And someone could only explain

Then I laid there and saw the wind blow through the willow

And cover him over with yesterday's leaves

And there in the rain, I cried for that sparrow

For the little brown sparrow and me

On a green April morning when I was a young boy

And that little brown sparrow was free

On a green April morning when life.... was a window

For the little brown sparrow and me

[The Classified Ad]

I was thumbing through the Want Ads in the Maricopa County Tribune when this classified advertisement caught my eye. It said, "Take immediate delivery on this 1957 Chevrolet half-ton pickup truck. Will sell or swap for a hide-a-bed and thirty-five bucks. Call 602-265-5550 ring two, and ask for Bob."

Well, I called Bob up on the telephone, he says, "Hello, this is Bob speaking." I says "This here the Bob that got the pickup truck for sale?" He says, "Yeah." I says, "Where are ya?" He says, "Fourteen Thirty Five Cave Creek Rd, turn right on the one-lane gravel road, you can park in the yard, beware of the dog, wipe your feet off, knock three times, and bring your billfold."

Well, I tooled on East on Cave Creek Rd, turned right on the one-lane gravel road, and I parked in the yard and a German Shepherd come out and grabbed onto my leg. Then I knocked three times and wiped my feet, the dog let go and the screen door opened and Bob come out and says "Whaddya want?" I says, "Come to see your truck." He says, "Follow me. Come on, Frank." (Dog's name is Frank.)

Well, we all went past the chicken house, through the hog pen, down to the tractor shed, and then wound up in back of the barn in a field of cowpies. And sitting right there in a pool of grease was a half-ton Chevy pickup truck with a 1960's license plate, a bumper sticker says "Vote for Dick" and Brillo box full of rusty parts, and Bob says "Whaddya think?".

Well, I kicked the tires and I got in the seat and sat on a petrified apple core and found a bunch of field mice living in the glove compartment. He says, "Her shaft is bent and her rear end leaks, you can fix her quick with an oily rag. Use a nail to start her; I lost the key. Don't pay no mind to that whirrin' sound. She use's a little oil, but outside a' that, she's cherry."

I says, "What'll take?" He says, "What've you got?" I says, "Twenty-eight dollars and fifteen cents." He says, "You got a deal. Sign here, I'll go get the title and a can full of gas." I put the nail in the slot and fired her up; she coughed and belched up a bunch of smoke and I backed her right through the hog pen into the yard.

Well, Frank jumped in and bit my leg and I beat him off with a crowbar. <<Not what you're thinking geesz >>He jumped on out and the door fell off and the left front tire went flat. I jacked it up and patched the tube and Frank tore a piece of my shirt off. Then Bob come out and called him off and says "You better get on out of here."

I turned left on the one-lane gravel road, then went West on Cave Creek Rd. Took two full quarts of forty-weight oil just to get her to the Conoco Station. And I pulled up to the Regular pump and then Kylen Anderson and his kid come out. He says, "I've seen better stuff at junkyards Justyn but where'd you ever get that truck?"

I says, "That's a long story, Kylen. I was thumbing through the Want Ads in the Maricopa County Tribune when this classified advertisement caught my eye. It said, "Take immediate delivery on this 1957 Chevrolet half-ton pickup truck. Will sell or swap for a hide-a-bed and thirty-five bucks?....."

Ummm Wait a Minute .... If I drove the 57 Chevy Pick-up to the Conoco Station then what happened to the car I drove to Bob's ? lol