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"N" And I


Jason Rimbaud

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So I had plans. Much like every other person on the planet, I had plans for my future. It involved moving out of San Francisco and going someplace where “N” and I could buy a house and maybe start a family. And much like every other person on the planet, March 16th, 2020 happened and the whole world went absolutely bat-shit crazy.

As of this current writing, it is October 12th, 2020 and I have been married for one year and two months with the most amazing person on this bat-shit crazy planet. (truthfully, when I first started writing this entry, it was my one year anniversary but things got away from me as it often does when you always get distracted by bright shiny objects)

Over the course of my life, I have made some mind-numbing stupid decisions. I have more sophomoric mistakes and regrets than any one person should have to endure while still maintaining the fiction that he is somewhat intelligent. But if you look back at the entries of just this Blog, you will find the most asinine circumstances one could find them in. Granted, all of them avoidable if I had even an ounce of intelligence but I digress.

For those of you that have not had the pleasure of meeting “N”, he is perfect in every single way…and yet he is also the most flawed human being that means the world to me. He is irritating while somehow making me laugh at the most inopportune times. He’s serious to a fault, not understanding irony in the slightest way, and often leaves me scratching my head in amazement/confusion. He is also the most loving person I have ever had the pleasure of sharing my bed with. I have never been so much in love while suppressing urges to strangle him at the same time.

Like someone famous once said, Context is King, I’ll relay a little story to demonstrate how his mind works. Two days/weeks/months ago, I was at work while he was enjoying a day off, I sent him a text, “What are you doing?” (And for full disclosure, I don’t use abbreviations when texting…ever) His response, “Studying.” So I texted, “Are you naked?” After a few moments/minutes/hours/days of staring at the three black dots, he finally responds, “Why would I be naked, its cold outside”.

Have I mentioned he doesn’t know how to flirt? And lying is not in his nature, so I’m stuck with an Indian Spock. (very logical at all times)

My plans to move from a city that I’ve grown to hate for more reasons than I could relay to you, is on hold indefinitely. Why you might ask? Mainly because “N” has decided to change careers after being in the restaurant industry his entire life. And while we reside in San Francisco, he can take classes for free. By the way, is it any wonder that this very serious individual wants to become a CPA.

So my amazing husband is working full time and going to school, virtually, full time. And I’m stuck in a job I no longer like but after all it is for our future so I soldier on.

I’ve told “N” I love him a thousand times a thousand times. And yet, when I first saw him in his Sherwani, traditional wedding attire, I immediately started to cry. He came out of the door where he had been sequestered and I swear, my heart skipped a beat. The song was playing and everyone in the space was staring at us, our eyes connected, and in that moment, I understood what unconditional love looked like, what it felt like, and what it meant fully realized for the rest of my life.

No matter how many years we will get together, I know I will always look back on that single moment and wonder in amazement, how the hell I became so lucky to have him in my life.

So yes, the world is a bit bat-shit crazy right now, and yes I might be living in a city I no longer hold dear, but I get to be with him, and that makes life perfect.

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Wonderful addition to this blog, Jason, and I'm so, so happy for you.  You had some much turmoil, so much unhappiness and uncertainty for so long, and now it's all come together for you in the best way possible.

Yeah, have kids.  Then you'll know another kind of ultimate, undying love.

C

 

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