Perfect

[Smaccoms]

Perfection: the word of curses upon one?s lips.

It tears enjoyment away form one?s existence

Like fission bombs blowing particles from one

Galaxy to the next as if a hop and jump away.

Development of my younger self was always

Insufferably aware of the perfectionist ideal present

In the loved ones who choose choices poisonous

To my health, brewing slowly, oh so slowly.

I feel poisoned beyond good measuring, never

Knowing a limit from determination and some-

Thing short form insanity of hours of game-

Play and precious time wasted staring at problems.

Anger turns to frustration blown through the

Window as my refusal to quit is fired from lessons

Grounded into my subconscious as if a stone

Tablet transformed with laws on my mind.

My refusal and determination are blindingly right

In front of me as I see myself staring at the one thing

Remaining in my world, which has melted away

With cares, ethics and sanity lost in a whirl.

I wish it weren?t so as assignments I am told must

Have not one thing in line with a mistake while

I am constantly trying to step away and leave it

Be with a job well done, when I lose control.

Now my insanity is laughing and spitting its way out,

As a pace the floor from hour to hour, imagining

My life with social experiences gone wild knowing

Well plenty left to do, while nothing left to learn.

Calorie after calorie is burned into craziness as a

Constant path wears into the floor as midnight flies

By; I cannot stop thinking of procrastination,

Destructiveness edging itself to full downstage.

Depressions and anger fill my thoughts as I lie

There with everything to do, blown off.

Perfectionism was never though to lead to

Such an extreme to let it all fall crashing down.

I once was perfect, listening and obeying every

Word given to me from my own parental units.

Not letting one hair of myself leave my lonely nest.

Now unwanted rebellion and an unknown path

Have forced frozen anger on an alternative plane

I know not how to leave or calm to normal conditions.