DesDownunder's Blog

And you didn't take a photo of said driver with your mobile? What good are you, you ruddy rat bastard.

And you didn't take a photo of said driver with your mobile? What good are you, you ruddy rat bastard.

I'm sure you will find it hard to believe, but my mobile is so old it doesn't have a camera in it.I was going to get a new one when I left my job, but found that as I now only make or get a couple of calls a week instead of dozens a day I can't really justify the cost of a new phone. I do have a permanent image of the young guy implanted i n my brain if that is any consolation for you. Besides which the boyfriend would not be at all keen for me to have photos of any one cuter than him...If indeed such a thing was possible (he added, typing very quickly)

Yes, that's your story I am sure. But you weren't thinking about us, your friends, were you? Well, then. It just proves I was right about you all along. A hunk o' burnin' lorry driver and we get nothing but a blank t-shirt, is that it? Rat bastard, as I said.

Yes, that's your story I am sure. But you weren't thinking about us, your friends, were you? Well, then. It just proves I was right about you all along. A hunk o' burnin' lorry driver and we get nothing but a blank t-shirt, is that it? Rat bastard, as I said.

So I take it you don't want the invitation to the annual Aussie Rat-pack love-in festival with the free muscle shirts that each come with their own Belami boy model?Damn that would mean I would have to look after two of them. And actually I was thinking of you all as I gazed into the Adonis truck drivers face, I said to myself, "If only I could share you with all the AwesomeDudes I know." Hmm perhaps you're right, Rat bastard might be correct after all.

Hey Des,The question isn't why you didn't take a photo of said hot guy, because I think Wibby stated it perfectly for all of us. Yet I will put forth this question if I may, What the fuck do you mean you don't have a camera phone?*checking the section in the gay handbook called, membership rules*Just as I suspected, it's not even legal. How can you take dirty pictures of yourself to share on line if you don't have a camera phone? You can't. How can you take pictures of cute foreign guys for all us American's? You can't. You might get kicked out of the club, I'm serious. And why? Because you DON"T think a camera phone is a justifiable expense. well I won't let this happen. I won't let you get kicked out. No sir, not me. ATTENTION ALL AWESOME DUDES!!!!!!!!!Below is a link to a website dedicated to helping our poor friend on the bottom of the world attain a camera phone. The site accepts all forms of payment, legal or otherwise. Please donate what you can afford, let's not let another mis-guided queer lose his membership.www.desneedsafuckingcameraphone.fuMonetary value differs between currency, Raccoon dropping not accepted anywhere

ROFL Jason that is so cool! I would remind you however, that clause 374b of the gay handbook (Australian Authorised, Revised Service Edition, 2007) states that "a phone camera will not be required as essential equipment where the person (who shall be permitted to continue his gay lifestyle) has reached the age of 63 years and is sent into a beauteous overload by observing a cute young guy who drives a truck into a power pole outside the gay person's house." I also take the first amendment to the Gay Constitution that states, "No gay person will ever have to acquire or use a fashion or other accessory if such acquisition or use deprives said gay person of their ability to handle themselves." Jason I am overwhelmed by your desire to raise funds for me to be able to buy a camera phone. That is so very thoughtful of you.I have laid awake all night thinking of how I might be able to repay you for your kindness. I am posting below a photo of the cutest and most beautiful guy I have ever seen. Unfortunately, the picture was taken at the bottom of a coal mine during an eclipse of the moon. You might notice it is out of focus as I was shaking rather ferociously at the time.

Dear Des, (maybe a traitor to the cause)Okay, once again I must defer to my betters as I am not experienced in trying to find loop-holes in the "Gay Handbook" to further my own "penny-pinching agenda". Though I have contacted several who flat refuse to acknowledge any edition/amendment that comes from Australia. I further put forth this question on the validity of any person/person's who tries to use age as an excuse to "NOT" use or own camera phones. With everything that is happening around the world, I, as well as my contemporaries in the gay world, are somewhat skeptical of "lazy gayness" in the world-wide community as a whole, In a time where Tinky-Winky is on the verge of becoming exposed as a prime recruitment tool of the gay community, I believe we should not only promote camera phones, but force all those who are charter members to purchase camera phones. As the saying goes, Out of the closets and into the streets. Or to fit better, Out with the old phones and in with the new video/camera phones so we can take "secret pictures" of any we deem worthy enough and use those images either online or at home...alone...in the privacy of our room...where you can appreciate the picture all the better. I might have digressed again, sorry.At this time, I do not have the voting power behind me to enforce this...following of the rules, already in place for over five years I might add, I am campaigning as we speak to abolish the Australian Edition with all these counter-productive amendments.Truly gay,Jason R.(a true patriot for gays everywhere)

I will have to agree with Jason in declaring Des a traitor for drooling and not sharing. We're not asking for the guy's body (not that there would be an objection), but DUDE, come on: a picture. ::

Now listen you young whippersnappers, drooling is not to be taken lightly.Drooling from any bodily orifice is the prerogative of the elderly.It droppeth as the gentle rain from the shower in the upstairs bathroom.It is the lubricant of the ancients and should be slobbered frequently and liberally.Australia was founded and colonised by gays. That is why our birth rate is so low.In our isolation we have had to depend on each other to defend our way of life in the face of barbaric customs from other countries trying to invade us with their so called virtue, moral and commercial values.The Gay Handbook so often referred to unknowingly by gay activists in other countries was based on the Articles of Gay Freedoms written by Aussie liberationists seeking the right for all sentient beings to practise freedom of sexual expression in the faces of those who would try to wipe away those expressions from existence. The first Article I must remind you states that, "An individual shall have the right, without guilt, to sexual self-expression at all times." Note that sexual freedom begins with the individual, hence the old saying, "First know Thyself."Please, also note this article was necessary in a land as big as Australia because it is possible for a person to find themselves without a partner for hundreds if not thousands of miles (or kilometres). In addition even in populated areas a partner may not always be available when one needs to express themselves.There are also vast areas in Australia not covered by the mobile phone networks and so a camera phone is not high on the priorities of the outback inhabitants.As I have stated, it should be seen that the Gay Handbook referred to in your delightful post is actually derived from the original Articles of Gay Freedoms first written by Australians whilst incarcerated in colonial prisons built for politically gay liberation activists.These brave men were brutalised by authority and punished with daily beatings, starvation, aversion therapy and other tortures so horrible (such as deprivation of make-up) that even the Inquisition would have banned them. Yet these Gay forefathers lay in their cells, bleeding and weeping for their fellow beings, drew strength from each other and with their final drops of blood and other bodily fluids, wrote the Articles of Gay FreedomsThese articles were later found and read by a guard who immediately became gay as he read them. He smuggled them out of the prison and escaped to the centre of Australia where he buried them for protection after he wrote out a copy.The copy is all that we have left. It is faded and torn. There are sections missing. For nearly 200 years Aussie gays have spent vast sums of money, some have spent a lifetime in the outback and some have even lost their lives looking for the precious document. All Australian gays are deeply devoted to this cause to find the original Articles and daily renew their vows of gayness in remembrance, every morning and evening. So please forgive us if we seem a little less than motivated with concern for the modern trappings of the gay social agendas of phones, cameras and Tinkys. Our Aussie Gay Ancestors gave everything for your freedoms. Today's Aussie gays go without the luxuries of cameras, phones and other fashionable accessories which we are pleased for you all to enjoy, as we use all our funds to search for the original Articles of Gay Freedoms, but please do not confuse our devotion to finding them as lazy gayness or penny-pinching. If this makes me a traitor then I shall happily die a martyr, a gay martyr!Gay patriotism is more than a quick flip over a photo.

Holy shit Des, and I thought I could spout some BS. But I bow to your greatness and conceed that you are truly a patriot. *takes hat off to my betters*Jason R.PS: That was fucking brilliant

Holy shit Des, and I thought I could spout some BS. But I bow to your greatness and conceed that you are truly a patriot. *takes hat off to my betters*Jason R.PS: That was fucking brilliant

Aww Jason, thanks. But in all truth I would have to admit that you and Wibby inspired me.

He beat us fair and square but I still don't like him anymore after teasing me with some hunk o' burnin' lorry driver. No fucking camera indeed. Arse.

He beat us fair and square but I still don't like him anymore after teasing me with some hunk o' burnin' lorry driver. No fucking camera indeed. Arse.

Okay, Okay, I'll see what offers are up from my telco for a camera phone. But I know what will happen if I get one. The next person to drive their truck into the pole will be a little old lady with rotting teeth. I am certain you will not want her photo. Now can we all kiss and rejoin our efforts in the crusade against the real evils of our world? Thanks Wibby and Jason,Your comments have been very entertaining.