So it's going to be one of those winters is it?
Freezing one week, warm and balmy the next.
Things happen in threes it is said. I hope they're right.
First the inkjet printers blew up or stopped working, both of them.
Nothing lasts forever. They had only printed about 30000 pages between them.
And that was using refill ink. na na to the manufacturer.
Second the scanner decided to insert vertical lines in every scan. Not just thin unobtrusive lines but bold broad sweeps of dark lines. So I get a new scanner and a new laser printer.
Then last night I am having a wonderful shower. (Not THAT wonderful, you bad boys.) I was happily shampooing my hair, or what remains of my hair, making mad passionate love to the water, embracing the streams of pulsating liquid warmth whilst icy winds blow outside the house, when without any warning, the water goes frigid.
Now I know how a man feels on his wedding night, when his wife suddenly loses all interest in making him hot. I felt jilted in the shower. All frothed and foamed up with no hot water to lovingly caress me.
So after cursing all the taps in the bathroom a trickle of lukewarm water runs out the shower which is just sufficient to rinse off my soapy toned wrinkled aged body and most of my hair on the ends of which, icicles are forming.
Sixteen hours later a dwarf appears in my back yard. No it is not a garden gnome. It is the hot water plumber. He is one of those small stocky built men. You know the type with a thick neck and short legs set wide apart. I stand watching him from behind as he leans into his tool box, wondering if anyone else has ever had this view of his back. He is very jovial, just happy to do his job at the rate of $110 for the first half-HOUR, plus $25 for each 15 minutes thereafter until my hot water is gassed backed into life, or I faint with financial apoplexy. Oh plus parts. $190. Oh well its cheaper than the $850 for a new heater.
Aren't overdrafts wonderful? If the bank is as lazy about me paying as it is about giving low interest rates, I shall be in an old folks home in a trance before they realise I have no visible means of support.
So I jump back into the shower to finish my shampoo, "I'm gonna wash that gnome right out of my head..."