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Aspirant


Jason Rimbaud

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Aspirant

By: Jason R.

I must have died

For now you're inside

And I'm unprepared

To bring in the light

And admit that your right

That I'm fucking scared

To say all the words

To show I'm disturbed

Though in recovery

So I embrace you with hope

To cope

With dope

So you won't know

And then let go

Why can't you only see

The best things in me

And not these broken dreams

All my broken dreams

There is this darkness in me

Broken bits that you'll see

And you'll start to run

I'll push you away

While wanting to stay

I'm the deranged one

I can't fall in love

Decreed from above

At least thus far

So I put these words to the page

To cage

My rage

So you won't know

And then let go

Why can't you only see

The best things in me

And not these broken things

All my broken things

Late at night

I'm all alone in the dark

I look deep inside my heart

And suddenly happiness isn't far

It's wherever you...ARE

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Deep, Jason. Sadly, it needs a small amount of editing, and that distracted me the first 3 times I read it. "you're", not "your"."Why can't you only see The best things in me" Uh, besides being unrealistic, it sets you up for fear of failure of a relationship equally as much as someone only seeing the broken things. Seeing the whole of you, good, bad, indifferent, beautiful, ugly, depraved and uplifting, THAT is what you want in a relationship. Acceptance and like equally."The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." -Victor Hugo

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Deep, Jason. Sadly, it needs a small amount of editing, and that distracted me the first 3 times I read it. "you're", not "your".
Thanks Trab, I fixed the your/you're problem. I didn't really go over it after I wrote it last night. Goes to show you that writers should always go over their work before offering it to the world.
"Why can't you only see The best things in me" Uh, besides being unrealistic, it sets you up for fear of failure of a relationship equally as much as someone only seeing the broken things. Seeing the whole of you, good, bad, indifferent, beautiful, ugly, depraved and uplifting, THAT is what you want in a relationship. Acceptance and like equally.
This was exactly my point. I'm kind of seeing someone at the moment, someone I met through my job. And we were having a conversation about my writing and he asked if he could see some of it. This caused a panic, because most of my poetry isn't something I think a potential boyfriend should be reading. At least, not at the beginning stages of a relationship. If you've read any of my work, then you understand that it deals with addiction, slutty behavior, and general mayhem. He knows that I've been depressed lately, not the reason thank god, but as we start in this getting to know one another stage, I'd rather he see the good parts of me first. Which is why I wrote this piece, Why can't you only seeThe best things in meThat's my point, the dark places I sometimes go could ruin this before it even starts. Acceptance of who I am is what I want, but I don't want to throw it out all on the table all at once. I would rather he slowly get to know me, let the good, which is a lot sometimes, outweigh the bad, which is a lot sometimes. This piece is my way of coping with my fear. Just my way of dealing with a situation that is slowly taking over my life. I meant what I said when I wrote,Happiness isn't that farWherever you are.That's scary and yet I'm almost giddy at the prospect. Wish me luck.Jason R.
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Absolutely, I wish you great luck. I think you are right, too, in making sure that at the beginning stages the good things predominate. It's a classic ploy of nature, to attract with enticing beauty (okay, that's maybe a bit over the top, but you know what I mean) and then proceed to the 'nitty gritty' of the relationship, whether it be eating the nectar (I'm thinking honey bees), forming friendships, or copulating. If you don't get the right start, there won't be a right finish, so...go for it Jason.One word of caution: honesty. If asked, don't lie, but you don't need to volunteer it all either. If you have to talk about it, make sure it's balanced, but I think you already know that. BTW, that heady/giddy feeling has GOT to be the best natural high feeling one can experience. :hehe:

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Giddy is good!I don't want to come over as a prune, or try and give you any advice (worth taking). Oh hell, yes I do. Bear in mind that for 'you two' to work, he's going to have to get to know the real you - sooner or later. So ... don't create a pseudo you that's too far from the real you. If you do it'll be hard to keep up, and even harder to reveal the real you later on. That probably makes no sense at all, but was meant with the best will in the world.The best of luck!Camy

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