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Gay Challenged



How can I say this without being offensive?

If gay people went to gay school, I would ride the gay short bus.

I must be the most incompetent gay man in North America.

I would rather hunt than shop.

When I'm in a new city, I check out the hardware stores to see if they have magical kung-fu tools that I've never seen before.

My wardrobe has more in common with Walmart and Target than Pierre Cardin or Brooks Brothers.

I drive a truck with a big steel toolbox that has everything in it that I would need to build a space shuttle in the field out of spare parts.

I'd rather watch Monday Night Football than Desperate Housewives. If forced to watch Desperate Housewives or any musical, I would probably chew off an arm or a leg to escape.

My GayDar is a defunct East German model that Boy George wouldn't set off.

I hate gay bars because they play music that makes me want to hurl and I've got better in my truck. *listening to Stone Temple Pilots*

Several Home Depots and Lowes have my picture in the back and send me Christmas cards.

I would be more likely to decorate your house with a potato gun than track lighting.

When I'm bored, I take my tools out, clean, oil and organize them.

Mexicans don't like it when I'm on a construction site because I work too hard and make them look bad.

If I don't show up at my local Borders at least once a month, they call my house to make sure I'm all right.

One of my favorite possessions is a Makita Reciprocating Saw I call Shiva, destroyer of worlds.


I like cats buts it's because they have enough attitude to draw blood and don't brown-nose.

I cook but if I did not, I wouldn't eat. Who would feed me? Yo mama? *laughs hysterically at cleverly inserting a yo mama joke*

I cruise Home Depot. :lmao:

Who needs to work out when you work hard?

I got carded when I bought smokes last week.

I get cruised by "old men", get annoyed and realize that we're the same age.

I am in no shape, form or fashion what some people might call fabulous.

I am in the best shape of my life while people that I went to high school with look like shit.

I declare myself the winner.


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Your post is very re-assuring to me, James. It seems we have quite a bit in common. I have a reciprocating saw just like yours, although being European, mine is made by Bosch.And I'm at that age when I wouldn't be seen dead with someone old enough to go out with someone my age.Life sucks, doesn't it?!

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Winners, both of you.I have a shed full of tools, left over wood, steel and fasteners from my renovation of the house which I was turning into a theatre where I would stage serious dramas. Unfortunately I got retrenched and now must live in the rubbish tip that remains and which I call, home. The circular saw table leans at a crazy angle because it got drenched in rain when the skylight came off the shed. (it was built by professionals.) My casual reading time is spent perusing the hardware store catalogues.We have a room full of electronic parts which were to become the sound and lighting in the theatre, but it's all now outdated or dysfunctional...a bit like my gaydar. I can't cope with the gay scene or its music, but the guys and gals are okay to talk to.As for the old people, well I have reached that age, BUT I have also discovered that no matter how old I get, there is always someone older, looking at me lasciviously, lecherously, and believe me, that, I find somewhat frightening given my current inclination to not groom myself other than to keep clean. (All my clothes are black by the way, bought from the local Target. (yes we have them in Australia too).I generally have to torture people to convince them I am gay, or introduce them to my partner who takes great pleasure in making certain they know I am off the market.Good for you James.

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I'm at that age when I wouldn't be seen dead with someone old enough to go out with someone my age.
Bloody hell. Now I'm seriously depressed. :(
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