[Poetic Justice of a One Night Stand]

well done jason. i have told you before that you have a "way with writing from the gut" and making rawness glitter in the darkness. and yes, i do know what you are talking about. quite well, actually.

[HIV/AIDS IN USA on the increase]

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditi....cdc/index.html

[What's with the Russians? By Pat Lynch]

Do not be fooled into believing that this is a "Russian problem" or a "Russian phenomenon" alone.

As the West liberalizes its laws and regulations regarding gays and lesbians, and at the same time

seemingly infringes upon the civil rights and increases blind suspicion of others in world society

and newcomers to Western societies, reactions increase all over the world - even in the West.

Not only in Russia and previous Soviet block nations, but also everywhere - in the form of attacks

on young gays, immigrants, Moslems, Blacks, young jews and others who may be "perceived" as

responsible for the differences in treatment and opportunity between those who represent the

Western controlling society and their values - and those who feel that they are on the periphery

or the outside. These include nationalists, young "new nazis", religious fanatics , the

impoverished, the powerless, those who feel that their religious customs are demeaned, the jobless,

and others who are desperate, angry and easily corrupted and indoctrinated by others with a divide and conquer

agenda. Gaybashing and other forms for terrorism are not uncommon in the USA or in Europe these days,

also in spite of (or perhaps in some cases as a reaction to) liberalization and relaxation of attitudes regarding

those of us who have stood on the outside of society previously as well as increased isolation of cultures

that do not easily assimilate themselves into current global molds. What is the solution ? Stronger legislation

regarding hate crimes and more education on the school levels. And, dare I say, a more aggressive

re-education of young gays regarding the history of "gaytude". All that we have achieved

can be reversed at any time - like the survivors of the Holocaust say: "we must never allow

the new generations to forget where we have been, and the possibility of ending up there again."

Increased respect and listening to disadvantaged populations across the globe and less arrogance

from Western leaders and politicians would also help to reduce many of the tensions worldwide.

When individuals and social groups feel that they cannot be heard, they often resort to harassment

of those perceived as the weakest in society ...

Join organizations such as Amnesty International, P.E.N., Human Rights Watch, and show solidarity

with gays, the poor, women, the disadvantaged across the globe. And drop the "America, love it

or leave it" and the "Europe, love it or leave it" attitudes. We live in a globalized world, where

we are all dependent upon one another - like it or not.

?GALIT? OU ANARCHIE !

[Coming Out]

BRING IT ON TRAB!

[4 JULY 2008]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY USA !!!

from adam

[New Login Issues]

Everyone,

Thanks for reporting. I haven't had any issues with it, and until now, no reports.

I believe this may be a side-effect of some change made behind the scenes, between the AwesomeDude site and AD Forums. However, everything I see, and everything for the forums are still set as they were prior to that change.

I will need to look into this further and get back to you.

Blue:

I am having the same problems ...

Adam

[AIDS devastating Africa, 14 million people died since 2000: UN]

Thank you T.R.

You have written everything that I had thought to write myself, but you managed to do so with a lot less emotion than I would have demonstrated ... seeing as how I have been an HIV/AIDS activist internationally for fifteen years. It is amazing that this same information must be repeated constantly, even after so many years -- but that is the reality.

[The Gay Agenda: WHAT'S NEXT?]

Thanks AJ ! BTW there is a website that affords persons the possibility to send electronic e-cards for free. Every card you send helps to raise awareness for many important issues. In addition, subscribers are encouraged to participate in e-petitions for various environmental, social and human rights issues. Check it out: http://www.care2.com/

It is one small way individuals can help -- wherever you are in the world.

[The Gay Cliche]

Haven't you heard ? Retro cliches are "in" again ... and the raunchier and the more tacky the better ! The trick is to present them as everyday banalities -- without reaction, and (as you so appropriately put it) without commentary.

Sort of like the ultimate existentialism where the "bad" is so ordinary that it is exciting to be boring.

[The Bag Lady]

Thank you Camy -- both for the poem, and for your comment to my blog entry regarding "the urban dictionary". One does not have to be "down" to write about "bag ladies". I published the following poem in my own poetry collection and in several literary magazines many years ago:

THE PRUDENT COGNOSCENTE.

Strolling through the

barrel-lined aisles

with her ladened cart,

the prudent cognoscente

pauses periodically to

admire alimentary delicacies

in open display.

She sneers at the Spanish oranges,

which are bruised and overripe,

and cringes at the inferior broccoli --

so yellow and dry.

But her eyes alight with

discovery and glee as

she tosses aside the lid

of the last garbage can

and silences the nonsensical

cravings of her refined palate

with the simple charm of

garden greens and aged brie.

[The Gay Agenda: WHAT'S NEXT?]

This discussion intrigues me and it has me "chomping at the bit", but I am a little hesitant to involve myself too much here -- not because I feel that I do not have knowledge regarding the issues being discussed but rather because my own background is perhaps very different from most that I have otherwise received a picture of on the forums through postings. But it is through such impassioned postings that I can begin to understand who my colleagues are (and have been and want to become). For that I am truly grateful.

I am an American expatriate, have lived in Europe for 50% of my life, know all too much about being hiv-positive, being gay, being bisexual, being abused by family, lovers and strangers (in all ways), have been a national and international gay and hiv-activist for fifteen years (and represented Norway internationally, including at the United Nations ... and have also supported American gays in their struggles nationally and internationally), I cannot visit my homeland because of restrictions against hiv-positive tourists, I have been formally "married" in a legal gay partnership ... and also divorced from the same, jada jada jada. All of the issues that Funtails raises are extremely important, and I personally believe that gay marriage in itself will not solve everything. Focus must be directed at all levels. The biggest loss (in my opinion) is the loss of "gay culture", which I have commented on previously on these forums. Being "gay" will always be an issue in society, so let us not kid ourselves into thinking that once we act "straight" enough in others' eyes that we will be truly accepted. There is a big difference between being accepted and being tolerated as long as we adhere and do not provoke. What is "gay culture"? Well, that is an elusive issue that is everchanging ... culture is always evolving per definition. But these forums are a part of "gay culture" ... so let us think a bit about how we discuss, how much we permit others to have their opinions and personal identity and areas of focus. And I think that heated discussion is good -- very good. It is democracy in action. Praise the forums, and praise AD for this opportunity. But let us not get so lost in the heat of our momentary convictions that we forget to treat each other with humanity and respect. Writers have a tremendous source of power within them: the written word. Many of these issues need several authors' voices. If authors and artists do not speak out, then our fate is truly in the hands of a very few activists, politicians and martyrs.

Namaste.

A.

[Damaged Psyches]

STANDARD PSYCHO

Better to be on the "outside" of the collective

consciousness sometimes, but at the same time

(for protection) to pretend to be a part of the

collective psychosis.

[Nepal scraps discriminatory laws]

A step in the "right" direction to be sure,

but "gayness" in Nepal is a complicated

phenomenon, ranging from indifference

to acceptance/non-acceptance to

invisibility -- all depending on who

you are, economics and how

subtle you are.

[from my archives]

STUD.

Responding to the call

Of a warm summer night,

The muscled youth surveys the

Streets from his Oakland stoop

With the vigilance of a vulture.

He soothes the heat

Pervading his loins

With beer and cigarettes,

And gyrates to rhythms

From his Sony Walkman to

Intensify his baiting scent.

At the passing of each female,

He extends greetings and suggestion ?

Lastly to a haughty one who

Requests that he kindly ?drop dead.?

The youth throws a kiss and laughs

In sport and self-defence,

Until he spies the adoring stare

Of another boy, and yells:

?What are you looking at, faggot?!!?

AIDS .. ALSO A VAMPIRE?S LAMENT.

In the Spring of our rapture,

You assuaged my hunger

With gallant love-bites and

Wept rubescent teardrops

As my own offering

Cascaded willingly into the

Vessel of your thirst.

Thereafter,

Enchanting midnight promenades,

Serenaded by love-sick werewolves,

Inevitably climaxed with

Splendiferous candlelit repasts

Of aristocratic blood plasma

And the finest port wines.

Magically abducted by the ecstasy

Of transfusion and reminiscence,

We who are forever young

Renewed our vows of

Never-ending devotion with

All the certainty and bliss

Intrinsic to incipient passion.

So golden were our halcyon days ?

Yet unblemished by the ravages

Of over-familiarity and diseased blood,

Now yielding insomnious forenoons

In separate coffins and

Solitary meals under would-be

Romantic moonlight.

Since our greatest promise

Has become your heaviest burden,

I look upon eternity as

The merciless side-effect

Of myopic infatuation ...

And dream, perhaps,

Of growing old.

DRAG QUEEN.

You know ? I hardly recognised you

Out-of-drag this afternoon!

Your clever disguise

Enabled you to sit down

Before I could run away.

You both surprised and intrigued me

When you lamented the slow

Passage of time ? for I

Have often envied and despised

Your freedom, and almost fickle

Sense of reality.

Funny how ...

All these years ...

I regarded you as crazy.

But now that we share disillusionment

With expectation and time,

I recognize you in myself.

DIRTY TALK.

Dirty talking shadows in

Dimly-lit, smoke-filled bars

Stir restless gonads to

Suggestion, proposition

And sweet, nasty lies.

The scent of body sweat

Mingles with department store

Perfume like oil and water,

Leather and silk ?

Unlikely, yet strangely magnetic.

Oh yeah ...

I love the way the lie

Exuding from your posing stance

Binds my wrists and genitals,

Pulling me to my knees;

Demanding nameless submission.

Across the distance we begin a

Sultry dance of anonymous flirtation:

I turn to catch your stare,

You look away;

My eyes drop to my cocktail,

Yours slowly scan my torso and loins.

I acknowledge with a smile and you

Walk away because I broke the rules,

Was too eager to collude fantasy

With reality and was, therefore, unsafe.

You feign indifference as you watch me

Leave with another two hours later.

And I?m already half-spent as

I prepare to torpedo our dirty talk

Into the bowels of my compromise.

BLADE.

Our dance is ritual;

A senseless obsession

Between two moths

Playing with fire.

No chains, no whips

Just bondage ... and the

Ever-sweet consequence of

A sabre?s cutting edge.

ANOTHER AMERICA.

Few Americans know tha

The face of Miss Liberty

Is actually that of a

Frenchman?s bigot mother.

Like the masses of immigrants who

Yearly forsake old world for new,

We too see majesty of choice

Through all-too-childish eyes:

?Rustler, hustler, bankerman, anchorman,

cop, fag, redneck, punk;

baglady, bastardbaby, stockbroker, chimneystoker,

doctor, lawyer, plumber, drunk.?

Yes, we?re all watching you,

America ... with Mom?s apple pie

On the kitchen table and the

Girl next door at our side.

One nation, trusting in God

Down to our last hard-earned dollar.

?Careful not to step on the crack ...

broken backs are hard to mend!?

But the sons of Genet are most

Grateful for the vigilant

Two-in-a-thousand who

Cross the seas frequently

And dream of another

America.

FOR THE BOYS (WITH AIDS).

To friends who don?t know

And strangers who do not care,

Soldiers of love worship

Tinsel-town sex goddesses

With all their strength.

They thrive outwardly on

The rantings of Madonna and

Privately soothe their pain

And hopelessness with sombre

Strains by Leonard Cohen.

Their greatest ambition is

To shake the shackles of shame

Which imprison and threaten

Them with the most undignified

Fate of all: namelessness.

To some there is no irony in death,

But others are enraged at the

Uncanny plight of these handsome

Living dead, whose only crime was

Need for love and recognition.

HYACINTH.

Each Spring,

Appolonian tears of lamentation

Collect as sanguine dewdrop

Upon the verdant slopes of Olympus.

Nurtured by the glory of the elements,

The resplendent rebirth of Hyakinthos

Is made manifest throughout the four quarters

In carillons of sapphire blossoms.

The petals of these bell towers

Cense the air sublime with

The Spirit of the Great Mother

And the legend of creation.

In memoriam, the fugitive solar discus

Lay forever fixed in the heavens

As a symbol of love made Divine

Through resurrection.

[The adolescent years.]

THE ADOLESCENT YEARS.

The adolescent years caught us off guard.

Fighting the travesties of acne and war

In a world we did not really know,

We marched through youth as soldiers of mercy

Compelled by the romanticism of mass dissent ?

Feeling much, with little certainty.

If knowledge vanquished gullibility,

Then surely inexperience bred expectation;

And faith cradled us in naked dreams

Of prodigious sexual love yet bereft

Of both lust and rationality.

I remember how you once told me that

The sexiest word in the french language

Has to be "pamplemousse".

You broke up in laughter and exclaimed:

"It means grapefruit. Can you believe that?

G-R-A-P-E-F-R-U-I-T!"

I laughed because your amusement was contagious.

Looking at your wild eyes and farm-girl smile,

I fell captive to your callow charm and

Soon we were deep in each other's arms,

Giggling hysterically.

We awoke from our laughter gazing at

One another in momentary sobriety.

And then, I buried my head in your breasts

Whispering "p-a-m-p-l-e-m-o-u-s-s-e!"

And our seriousness died laughing.

[My stranger .. so sweet]

MY STRANGER .. SO SWEET.

So sweet

Are your suggested promises.

My stranger.

My unobtainable

Moment of passion.

You coax me;

You cast me aside.

We can only have each other

In our leap-frog dreams:

Both out-of-sync and yet

Totally ? oh so totally ..

In syncopation.

The relentless fantasy is more

Than the sum of reality?s

Individual parts.

I see you everywhere;

In the gait of strangers ..

In my memories.

Beginning from the

Waist down ..

Easing toward the toes

And then quickly

Darting upwards

To a fleeting and

Indiscriminate

Photographic flash

Of your insignificant face.

My stranger.

My passion.

My stranger ....

So sweet.

[Canadian Teen Bullied to death]

Disgusting .. Even more so because suicide by persons struggling

with their gayness and with non-acceptance by persons in their

environment; as well as those victimized by harassment /

violence against gays or persons thought to be "gay", are all

too frequent; and these incidences occur all over the world.

[Chat Room?]

Sounds to me as if there are many experienced and justifiable objections to an open chat room.

Perhaps the most important issues are:

1) to encourage several authors to give even more structured feedback on the work

published on AD; and

2) to explore ways to facilitate even more personal communication between

authors at AD (e.g. alternatives to a chat room); and

3) to open up for a wider discussion regarding the needs/desires of

our readers (perhaps on a reader only "wish list" forum); and

4) to provide a way for authors to get some basic statistics regarding

number of hits and visit length for our stories and novels; and

5) my own personal pet peeve: that I personally can escape

anonymous feedback, which I find useless as I wish to be able

to correspond with those who communicate with me.

[Chat Room?]

My own experience with chat rooms that I have run for groups of persons with diverse interests and life situations, is that they work best when there is a schedule that is posted: e.g. possibly; Thursdays 5 p.m. EST: topic -- blah blah blah. Not all topics have to be serious or writing-related -- perhaps some people just want to chat with people whose posts they read daily or weekly. But with so many different readers and writers, and so many interests, and with people living all over the world in different time zones some structure must exist for it to be workable.

[Throbbing Erections]

Thanks for the kind words. Yeah, I know I was straying into "adult" territory with some of the scenes in Groovy -- not just with the sex, but with the emotional content -- but I justified it by forcing the lead character to have to interact with other students who were (mostly) two years older than he was. ............ I must confess I got a little teary-eyed while writing at least two scenes in Groovy: once when Wil has his nervous breakdown (which was actually written very early on, even though I knew it wasn't going to happen until at least 2/3 of the way into the story), and again during the corny scene where the Texas kids give Wil the horse, and he names it after his dead boyfriend. It's corny as hell, but I meant every word of it when I wrote it, with all my heart.

I hear ya Pecman: writing/reading about explicit or even non-explicit sex is not always very interesting .. but sometimes it is an essential part of being human; and being gay. Besides, there is nothing wrong with titillating, with providing enjoyment and recreation that excites the senses and gonads and imagination, and which can also both be potentially educational and a confirmation that one's experiences and feelings and desires are not solely one's own or necessarily "psychotic" or "dirty" .. they are just what they are. Not all stories/novels/poems have to be moralistic or idealistic portrayals of how the author thinks society/gay society should be/become. I personally hate "preaching" in literature. I want to be lured into others' experiences and character portrayals so that I can -- together with the author -- co-create / re-create the story in my own mind, with my own experiences/fantasies as a background. I do not confuse sexual turn-on and lust with getting "emotionally involved". Yes, sometimes I do write and read things which become jerk-off material .. my being ashamed to admit this would be ludicrous for me. And I also get emotionally involved with my characters (possibly even more so because most of them are based upon real people and real experiences which are fictionalized to various degrees); and I laugh, cry, get a hard-on (and sometimes relieve it) when re-reading some passages. I remember reading the complete novels of Jean Genet. I called him a "stupid, selfish son-of-a-bitch" while in the middle of "Funeral Rites", and literally threw the book across the loft apartment .. not picking it up again before several weeks later; I was fucking pissed off at his attitude as a writer and gay man. However I did continue reading his works and fell in love again with him by the time I read "Querelle". His literary "genius" combined with his ability to let it all hang out -- quite literally sometimes has tremendous effect on readers ... still today.

Killing off characters that I have a personal affinity to is often painful .. but it sometimes must be done for the story to work. That being said, I believe it was Sigmund Freud who intimated that all characters in our dreams are aspects of our own personalities. Well, I would say the same about characters we create in our literature. And for those who are adamantly against, or who are afraid of exploring and experimenting with writing topics and themes, with sex or heavy topics which are important for many gays (and humans in general) today: sexual misuse and abuse, no-sex due to fear, condom-hate, barebacking, HIV, drug addiction, prostitution, suicide, non-acceptance .. I can only replay my own record: "write what you want .. but these topics also have their audiences right here on AD. Let us not make a general "clique"/internal society that scares/shames writers from trying to serve the need to provide also these gays literature that they can relate to in their experience of being/becoming "gay", "lesbian", "bisexual", "trans"." And let us be careful not to insult or spread our own "morals" regarding this to inquisitive and seeking readers by getting upset when they ask for sex, stories about HIV, drug abuse etc.

Bisous,

A.

[Throbbing Erections]

Yeah, I confess to having written one scene in one of my novels purely for purient interests, which was the "barn orgy" scene in Groovy Kind of Love. But I did it for a couple of reasons: one, I was amused by the idea of having sex with twins (something I haven't had the pleasure of experiencing in real life), and second, from a story point of view, I wanted to show that my lead character was recovering from the grief of another character's death earlier in the story.

So, yeah, it was intended to be erotic, but I also tried to inject some poignancy into it, as best I could.

Dear Pecman,

Just got around to reading your novel "Groovy Kind of Love". You had a good plot and strategy, and the sex was just as much a natural part of the story as anything else. My only reaction was the maturity of these young men .. in terms of both language, actions, knowledge and emotions, but I didn't have my first gay relationship before I was 15 years old .. and I know that times have changed much since then.

Write what you want -- with or without sex -- and do not feel either ashamed or that you must justify how much sex the work calls for in your opinion.

best,

A.

[Indulge an author as he flies off the handle a little bit]

Write what you feel for -- based on your own experiences,

someone else's experiences or even your own fantasies.

If you write well and do the research needed for the story to be

experienced as "believable", you will find your audience.

Every writer should decide himself/herself what he/she

wants to write about .. and how. Just remember that

readers, publishers, reviewers, distributors etc. also

may have some opinions -- based on their needs, their

guidelines and their clientele.

That being said, I do believe that some of AD's readers

(which I assume includes persons of many ages and levels of sexual

experience) may also come from varied backgrounds and life/cultural

experiences. Many have certainly had their sexual debut at an early age,

some may have questions/curiosity regarding sex and sexual expression and

gay relationships, some may live on the streets, some may be

drug or alcohol abusers, some may live with "sugar daddies",

some may be abused or have suffered abuse, some may have

HIV/AIDS or herpes, some may have to turn tricks in order to

survive .. and some may just be interested in romance stories etc.

These persons have a legitimate claim to literature/art that expresses

their needs and their perspectives/experiences of "gayness".

Even not having sex can be an important issue for many of our readers

to read about.

Thankfully, it looks as if AD offers something for everyone. There is

no need to judge, or to feel compelled to write differently than you

wish to write .. or to get annoyed with a reader/readers who

are looking for a little more action/explicit writing than you are

able to or willing to provide. Send them elsewhere on the website

in a respectful and polite way.

[I'm sorry, I can't forget]

Hey Jason!

It was never my meaning that the poem should be "polished"

in a conventional way. I did not want to give Josiah any

concrete advice as to how to make this work better both as

a personal poem and a piece of literature many (if not

most can identify with) because I did not want to influence

his natural writing style or talent too much, but my thoughts

generally have to do with accentuating the "rapturous" style

to an extreme, allowing the inner voices to take on several

emotional (and sometimes "irrational" voices/outbursts) as well as

(perhaps) removing some of the non-essential words/lines

which break up the beauty of the emotionality expressed.

[Throbbing Erections]

Thanks Graeme!

[Jay B's novel]

Regarding: Jay B's novel 'And Dream My Dreams Of You'

I am slowly working my way through the many fine poems, stories and novels

posted on AD. The sequence is arbitrary, so please (you other fine authors)

do not feel 'left out' if I have not yet commented on your work(s) as an author.

I have just quickly read through Jay B's novel 'And Dream My Dreams Of You",

with immense respect and satisfaction.

Jay B shows integrity: both as an author in general, and as a good storyteller.

His ability to plan out and maintain a good story line; his attention to detail

regarding his plot and the development thereof; and his characters is

commendable. He possesses the innate ability to hold the readers' attention

without the usage of tricks or gimmicks -- i.e. to give visual recognition without

spelling out every thought or action in a sensational way . I am proud to note

that Jay B has chosen the genre of "gay literature" as one of his forms of literary

expression, and at the same time I hope that his tremendous writing talent

is boundless (that is to say that he uses this unique writing talent to approach

other genres and topics/themes as well). This because I see in his writing

(based on just this one novel) a promise and a potential that most established

writers would commend, and perhaps envy.

Bravo!