Bruin Fisher
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Posts posted by Bruin Fisher
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The old car had been sitting there on the used car lot for weeks now. Every day as I walked to work I saw it. It made me rather sad, nostalgic. I remembered the happy times we had together. It had been my first car and I had loved it, more because it gave me independence and freedom than because it was a great car. Is a beetle a great car? Well, I was fond of it and it was reliable so I didn't have the trouble some friends had getting out to a rendezvous on a Friday night.
The seats were plastic and unyielding, and the front seat backs didn't wind flat which I saw as a potential problem, though the potential was never realised, as far as I remember. It was narrow and cramped inside, rear seat passengers had to clamber in past the front seats, and the luggage space was minimal. But those things didn't bother me at all ? I had wheels and that was what mattered.
Another day, another day's work, another walk past the car lot. I wondered what adventures the old car had had after I sold it for the Ford I bought next. The Ford that never quite matched up to the Beetle in my estimation, never inspired affection, never became loved, certainly was never named. My Beetle was Billy from the word Go and I remember being unashamed about calling the car by name in company. I wonder, now, how many dates I blew when they found I'd named my car?
I could bear it no longer ? I had to sit in Billy once more, just for old times' sake. So I stopped work early and on the way home I called in at the RV that served as an office for the lot. I couldn't just ask to sit in the car, so I pretended I was interested in buying. I wasn't ? I don't need a car, I live close to work in the city centre, it's impossible to park anywhere these days and the roads are usually log-jammed in the rush hour so I get by on foot, bike and public transport. It's quicker and a darn sight cheaper. But I pretended and the guy was all over me. Gave me the keys, walked me over to Billy and talked rubbish about fuel consumption and low mileage. If Billy was a low mileage vehicle I'm living in a parallel universe ? he had over 100,000 on the clock when I owned him ten years ago. But it didn't matter ? I got to sit in the driver's seat again. The upholstery was dilapidated, there was a tear in the seat squab and the inside paintwork was scratched and dull. But it all came back and I felt like a teenager again.
On a whim I reached down under the front edge of the seat, and up into the under seat space. My hand automatically went to the right spot, the little space just big enough to hold... and to my amazement I came away with a small packet between my fingers. I turned it over and over and saw the 'use by' date ? not long after I sold the car. I don't know if the salesman saw what I had in my hand but he looked distinctly put out by my grin, which he must have misunderstood, as he was still going on about what a great buy this classic car would be.
I suspect he was very surprised when I bought the car. Not, perhaps, as surprised as I was, though. Now what am I going to do with it, and how am I going to live down the fact that I have a car called Billy?
- by Bruin Fisher
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There are generally better ways. But occasionally we have to be able to write outside of the rule box to create the effect we want.
C
I'm with Cole - and most everyone else - on this. You have to know the rules thoroughly, and then you can break them occasionally with confidence. I wouldn't be happy using either italics or all caps for more than a couple of consecutive words. I have been known to use italics, and I have been known to use all caps, but looking back into my stories where I've used them, it's generally been when someone's speaking and I want to convey the inflection of the voice. For instance, "What do you think you're doing?" reads differently than "What do you think you're doing?", and means 'what you're doing is stupid, stop it' rather than 'maybe you are under an illusion, and think you're doing something other than what you're actually doing'.
My two penn'orth
Bruin
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Wow! This story is edge-of-your-seat exciting. Camy has picked up the baton and run with it and what a section he has produced!
Now, Trab, who's next??? And what happens next? We have to know....
Bruin
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When I was a small child, Bruin, I lived in a chilly Victorian stone manse...
That explains a lot!!
You didn't find a wardrobe in a room upstairs that contained a portal to another world where it was perpetually winter and animals could talk and...???
Bruin in empathy
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The Tantalizing Tales of the Travails of the Troubled Trubshaw
Book One: There He Sat
Extrapolations of a work by Trab
Chapter VIII, by Bruin
It didn't take me long to realise why he ran for it. My brain gradually returned to form as I finished dressing.
I'd made a mistake. If I hadn't been so muddle-headed I'd never have tripped up so stupidly. I'd challenged poor Eric on why he knew the video store clerk's name was Peter, after he'd said 'Poor Peter's dead'. And now, after fast winding the exchange back in my mind, I realised no-one had said it was the clerk who died and not a customer. Eric would realise that straight away and ran in fear, assuming that my slip-up meant I was the murderer.
What should I do now? What would Eric be doing? Getting the police back? Probably. So I had to get away before they returned. I finished tying the laces of the sneakers Eric had passed me ? about my size, but definitely not my sneakers ? and opened the door. The corridor was empty and I slipped out and closed the door, incongruously aware that the door had opened smoothly and without trouble for me, though both Eric and the cop had struggled with it. I made my way down the corridor, the sneakers quiet on the carpeted floor. I heard the sound of a motorcycle starting up and roaring off, and was surprised to see from the window above the stairwell a classic Harley Davidson being ridden, I was sure, by the woman I'd taken for Eric's mother.
I tiptoed down the stairs. If you tread on the side of the stair instead of the middle part, it is less likely to creak, and I got down to ground level without any noise. As I headed for the outer door ahead of me, Eric appeared from a side door and jumped as he saw me. He disappeared again and I ran for it, but not quickly enough ? he re-appeared holding his rifle, pointed it straight at my heart and said: ?stand very still!?
The fight went out of me and my shoulders slumped. Who was this guy? What did he want from me? Why was he acting so erratically ? and how did he know the dead man was called Peter?
Just minutes previously, he had kissed me tenderly. Now he marched up to me and swung the butt of his rifle against my jaw. I went flying against the wall, pain washing through me, and slid down to the floor. He followed up with a kick in the ribs and his heel slammed down on my hand, grinding my knuckles into the carpet.
?Get up!? he barked, and I struggled to my feet and stood doubled over with the pain. With his rifle he gestured me forward towards a door under the stairwell. ?Open it and go in!?
It was pitch dark but I felt my way into the gloom and nearly lost my footing when the ground wasn't there ahead of me. I realised I was at the top of another stairwell, and began carefully to climb down. Eric followed me in and felt for a light switch, lighting a dim naked bulb below us, which gave me adequate light to negotiate the stairs safely. At the foot we were in a bare cellar and Eric motioned me against the far wall.
He just stood, looking daggers at me in the light of the bulb above his head.
?What do you want with me? What have I done??
?Ha! You ask that? You scum. You killed Peter, didn't you? Did you kill all those others the cop was talking about too? Why would you do that? Why....? and he faltered, his shoulders shaking as he began to cry, his face contorting in anguish. When he began speaking again his voice was different, agonised, reminiscent of a wolf baying at the moon. ?Peter was the boy I was caught with. I loved him, you killed him...?
- Bruin
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Brilliant grasp of the Brit psyche!
The motto of the UK Met Office should be 'Perpetually taken by surprise' - or maybe that should be the motto of local councils and the highways agency.
It takes only the lightest snowfall for people to claim they're snowed in and can't get to work.
A lot of your satire shows remarkable perspicacity about the Brits and our foibles. You telepathically plugged in to some UK hunk by any chance???
Bruin
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Wow, Trab, that's a barnstormer. You really upped the ante with this one! A fantastic, exciting chapter.
What was all that about not being able to write imaginitive fiction? With due respect to the others, skilled writers all, you put the rest of us in the shade!
And yes I'll certainly have a go at following on, I just hope I don't ruin it. Thanks for the invite.
Bruin
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Another great story from Camy, concise and polished.
A departure from Camy's usual fare, this story has a world-weary protagonist whose life is a bit of a mess. Can't imagine where Camy got the inspiration from...
I found it deeply affecting and powerful. Maybe because it's so much in tune with my own messy life???
I strongly recommend you read this if you haven't already. It's great and well worth the reading.
Bruin
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When I read about Mr. Slaw I confess I didn't think of Cole at all.
I assumed he was referring to either Murphy or his brother Sod, who between them are responsible for the immutable law of physics: "If anything can go wrong, it will." Thus, when you drop your toast on the floor it will ALWAYS fall marmalade (orange preserve?) side down. Also, and remembering how hard it is to get a golf ball to drop into a hole or a pool ball to drop into a pocket, if you drop a coin on the pavement (sidewalk), and it rolls into the gutter, it will ALWAYS find a drain and fall irretrievably into it.
Bruin
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... A page for Colinian stories fits that bill perfectly. So let's have one. I think we should all start a petition or something. It's much more important than trying to drag another of my stories here.
Let's all hear it for getting Colinian ensconced as an AD author. This is my offical vote: aye.
C
Don't dodge the issue, Cole! I agree Colin's a great author - but we're not talking about his stories we're talking about yours! I personally would like to see ALL your stories together at AD. I don't want to have to trawl the web to find your stuff - I want it all gathered neatly together and preferably HERE! So why not ask the great Dude about it??!
Bruin
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Fiction doesn't get much flashier than this!
Splendid tour-de-force from Maddy, brilliant.
Bruin
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This is a light, happy short story that won't make you cry (much?) but will certainly make you smile and make your toes curl and your ears flap and your nose wiggle. It is.... sweet. Yes, that's the word. And romantic, and life-affirming, and heart-warming. And of course, being by Camy, it's well written and skillfully crafted.
Strongly recommended!
Bruin
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A poignant, beautiful tale, sad enough to require hanky reserves (extra box of tissues). As always Camy writes with an authority and clarity that makes the writing transparent and takes the reader right into the story with the protagonist.
It's about... well, I can't really tell you that, can I, without spoiling the story. So, Go read! It's bittersweet and you'll love it.
Bruin
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Woohoo!
Cool poem, Rose!
Very melancholy, atmospheric and pessimistic.
And ecologically sound!
Nice to read it, thanks for posting it!
Bruin
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Welcome, Rose, nice to have you with us.
I'm quite new here too but it's a friendly place and like me I'm sure you'll quickly feel at home.
Bruin
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Yeah. I'm with Des on this.
I'm ridiculously delighted when I get an e-mail from a reader. Any e-mail. That way and only that way, I know someone's read what I toiled over.
I wish I didn't feel quite so strongly about this, but I NEED feedback. I have made enormous emotional investment in my stories and I want to know people read them - and what they think about them.
For NaNoWriMo last November I wrote a 50,000 word novel (with a lot of encouragement from the great and very wonderful Camy) and it turned out to be entirely appropriate to show to family and friends. So I did. One friend, and his wife, and his two sons, read it and enthused with specific comments about what they liked and why. And I glowed. My immediate family? Two of them read it, commented briefly, perhaps slightly embarrassed, and that was it. My nearest and dearest hasn't even bothered to pick it up. I'm trying not to hurt too bad.
When I read a story that I think is okay but nothing special, I'm trying to be consistent and send a brief thank you e-mail to the author. I won't say what was mediocre about it, but I will try to say something nice about it. There's usually something that stands out as good. The exception is when a story made me uncomfortable for some reason, such that I don't want to have anything to do with the author. Then I won't send an e-mail. It goes without saying that that doesn't apply to anyone here at AD!!
Bruin
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Doesn't anyone find this just a little bit worrying?
Yup. Very. Designer children, anyone? Please Mr Geneticist can I have a son bigger and stronger than any of his schoolfriends? And with a dominant personality?
I know that's more than what's been done with these animals (was genetics involved at all, or just generations of breeding?) but I share Camy's worry.
Bruin
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My Ameter has rarely been so pent.
Brilliant!
Bruin
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Sorry! I couldn't resist.
Be still, my nob, thou art not small
Oh dangly nub near hair-brushed ball (s)
Tell me now thy monster's name
Let's groan and squirm we're no ones shame
Wicked emu! Groan and squirm? The mental image is indescribable - and I've got to get up from behind my desk soon! How I gonna do that?
Bruin covered in confusion
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It's hard write to someone and tell them how much you enjoy their writing.
I know just how you feel, Res.
I've had cause to give this subject quite a bit of thought recently. I'm reminded of when I first read The Lord of the Rings. Tolkien was still alive at the time and I knew someone who'd written to him and got a reply but I would never have dared to do such a thing. Authors were remote, other-worldly inhabitants of Olympus that mere mortals like me could only support with our money.
The internet has changed all that. It is truly wonderful that reading good stories can now be an interactive experience - I've written to quite a number of authors to say thanks for writing their stories, and actually made friends with these wonderful creative people. So my life has been immeasureably enriched, firstly by reading stories I've enjoyed and been influenced by, and then by correspondence with the author, broadening my horizons in the process.
So if you feel reluctant to send an author feedback, just grit your teeth, grab your mouse and go for it. Trust me, an author will be delighted to get just 'Read your story, enjoyed it, thank you'. In fact many authors will be satisfied with 'Read your story, not bad but...'
Judging from your excellent contributions here in the forums, you don't really find it difficult to communicate - you're eloquent!
Bruin
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As I said in Des' recent thread 'why I get discouraged' in Writer's Workshop:
I just finished Doors of Love which is just splendid. It's great fun, and a genre I can't remember ever reading before - gay humour. I've read gay romance, gay erotica, gay mystery, gay supernatural, gay s/f, gay dark drama, gay historical, gay all sorts of stuff but gay humour is new to me. I don't mean I've never read gay jokes, of course, but a well-written story, with interesting characterisation and a real plot an humour too is a rarity. And Des, you've got it beat.
The story is a real treat so thanks for writing it.
Bruin
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No one has written to me to tell me my stuff stinks. Even that would be welcome some days.
All right, Des, you asked for it: Your stuff...
(No I couldn't possibly be so cruel)
I warn you all, ignoring me will not work, I will keep writing.That's the spirit!
Seriously, I just finished Doors of Love which is just splendid. It's great fun, and a genre I can't remember ever reading before - gay humour. I've read gay romance, gay erotica, gay mystery, gay supernatural, gay s/f, gay dark drama, gay historical, gay all sorts of stuff but gay humour is new to me. I don't mean I've never read gay jokes, of course, but a well-written story, with interesting characterisation and a real plot an humour too is a rarity. And Des, you've got it beat.
The story is a real treat so thanks for writing it.
And yes, I know, this ought to be in Readers Rule so I'll maybe post there as well.
You're one of the good guys, Des, don't ever forget it.
Bruin
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Excellent topic, thanks WBMS.
I guess 'If you want a friend you need to be a friend'.
I generally drop a line off to the author of a story I've just read to say thanks, and to highlight what, particularly, I liked about it. On the other hand if I didn't enjoy the story I don't send a comment. Perhaps I should, but I know how hard I find it when I get negative criticism so I refrain.
I've been advised not to write for the feedback, but to write for myself. That's all very well but there's no point uploading stories to, for instance, AD, if I'm not interested in other people reading my work. And if, as I certainly am, I want others to read it, I need feedback so I know they've read it, and what they thought. So feedback is important to me.
And I'm VERY grateful to you guys who have sent me feedback, either through e-mail or by contributing to the Readers Rule forum.
If as happens sometimes I'm beginning to feel neglected - my stories are out there and no-one seems to be reading them, or if they are they aren't letting me know, I pull myself together and go and read something someone else has written, and then e-mail them with a comment. I might even mention in the e-mail that I write too - and include a link. It has happened that I get a new reader that way, and he/she will return the favour by e-mailing me with comments.
My two penn'orth
Bruin
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they reminded me of an early John Betjamin.
Camy
Interesting to be able to criticise Wikipedia (we've discussed this elsewhere in the forums). Camy's link to the John Betjeman page on Wikipedia takes you to the wikipedia page whose address (URL) ends 'john_betjamin' - spelled the same as Camy's hyperlink, although the text on the page correctly spells the poet Betjeman. Until the First World War, the family name was Betjemann but it was changed during the war to sound less Germanic.
Bruin the pedant
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Looking for an editor
in Writers' Workshop
Posted
Like Cole, I would have a go but a gore-fest would be beyond me I'm afraid!
Hope there's someone who'll be able to step up to the mark!
Bruin