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someting to brighten your day

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A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman
 for most of her life finally retired.

At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring
a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
 As the doctor was looking through these his eyes
 grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?" 

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing
 in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee
 and said, "Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning,
I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice
that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks.  And believe
 me it definitely helps me sleep at night."

You gotta love Grandmas!


A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business
 when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed
 her baby.  The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on
 sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man
next to us."  Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding,
 so she said, "Come on, honey.  Take it or I'll give it to this
 nice man here."  A few minutes later the anxious man
blurted out, "Come on kid.  Make up your mind!  I was
 supposed to get off four stops ago!"

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking
their mid-term exam.  The last question was, 'Name
seven advantages of Mother's Milk.'  The question
 was worth 70 points or none at all.  One student
was hard put to think of seven advantages  He wrote:

1)  It is perfect formula for the child.
2)  It provides immunity against several diseases.
3)  It is always the right temperature.
4)  It is inexpensive.
5)  It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6)  It is always available as needed
And then the student was stuck.  Finally, in desperation,
just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he

7)  It comes in two attractive containers and it's high
 enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A+.

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi
in Detroit .  It was raining and all the prostitutes were
 standing under awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work,"
 she replied

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady,
why don't you tell him the truth?  They're hookers,
 boy!  They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that
 true Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."
After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those
 women have babies, what happens to them?"

She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."


An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told
 a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a
 long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder
 on her oatmeal each morning.  She did this religiously
 and lived to the ripe old age of 103.  She left behind 14
children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five
 great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot HOLE where the
 crematorium used to be.


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