Please Come With Me

[Trab]

I read it. I almost didn't. The pounding of my heart as I started to read it almost stopped me. The terror it evoked was almost overwhelming. "Why?" you ask.

When you have AS, like I do, it becomes very obvious very early in life that people are seeing things in and around them that you yourself cannot. There seems to be a hidden agenda that you cannot see, nor follow. There are rules that are inexplicable and no amount of explanatory attempts can make you understand. You have to follow the mysterious rules in order to survive, but it seems almost completely arbitrary in many instances. People look at you with suspicion, since you don't act the way they do; you don't react the way they do, and yet you are powerless to know how to change what you are doing, since you cannot see the way you are behaving yourself, and cannot understand and duplicate the way they want you to behave. People talk about you, but even if you hear their words, their meanings are cloaked, inexact. They speak to each other on a level that is forever hidden, about things never comprehended, on an agenda never to be discovered.

That is the world we see, and we have to come to an accomodation with it. We need to learn to live with that continual scrutiny, the puzzling language with missing information. We become better at duplicating expected actions, to a limited degree, but it is always an act. THAT is why this story terrified me, right from the beginning.

I wish there were a nice ending to our AS stories for all of us.