FINAL REPLY

[Caylor]

So there it was. His "FINAL REPLY".

After all the time we spent in chat and on emails. After all the time I thought we had been such wonderful friends, he now says he doesn't have any trust in me.

So now, what is there for me to do? Do I reply? Do I chase after a friendship, a friend, all those good times, all those good memories? Or do I just drop it, and pretend I had never had a friend I told secrets to, that I listened to as he told me his problems and woes?

Do I email him again, risking his thinking I actually am after something besides what I thought we had? Or do I leave him alone, let him crush what I felt for him?

His words hang on the screen, biting deep into me, to the quick, to the bone, even through me.

How do you make a friend online? What do you call friendship online? Is not listening and caring a part? Is not giving and sharing a part? If you hope each day to hear from someone, is that not friendship? If you worry about someone until you hear from them, is that not friendship?

He says he will no longer even read any emails I send. I don't believe that. I don't believe this.

My fingers hover over the keys, at a loss what to do, what to type, or even if to type anything.

Memories of chats, of emails, of talks, swirl in my mind, confusing me further. Emotions clash and war.

My hand moves the cursor over DELETE.

Then REPLY.

Back and forth.

How do you give up a friend? Should you give up a friend? Should you pursue a friendship? And how far?

His words still burn on the screen. They burn through the air, into my eyes, into my heart, where they will stay for all time. They will reside there with the words, thoughts and emotions we shared.

Or what I thought we shared.

Didn't we share them?

REPLY or DELETE

Grasp at the receding joy, or, wave at the past and move on.

REPLY or DELETE