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Ten Reasons to Ban Gay Marriage

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This is too funny...


1. Being gay is not natural and real Americans always reject unnatural things like polyester, tattoos, piercings and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all, which is why women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed and we can't let the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children so gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our population isn't out of control, our orphanages aren't quite full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children since of course straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home, which is exactly why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms, just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer lifespans.


I particularly enjoy seeing the religious right driven mad, not only by gay marriage, but also gay men who father and raise children... especially straight children. Drives 'em nuts.

Read what a top GOP pollster is saying on why the Repubs are gonna have to accept gay marriage:


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What he said.


If I hang around lots of straight people, will I get straighter? Straight? ...Hasn't happened yet...

If I hang around more gay people, will I get any gayer? ...Sweetie, you're already pretty gay. I don't think you're gonna get any gayer...boyfriend, now, that's another issue...

If I hang around tall people, will I get a tall, handsome boyfriend? ...Well, now, you could be onto something there...

If I hang around good looking people, will I get a handsome boyfriend? ...Depends. Is he cute? Is there more to him than looks? ...Also, I sense a recurring theme, here...

If I hang around younger people, will I get younger? ...No, sorry, though some people never grow up beyond about two...

If I hang around older people, will I get older? ...Absolutely. What are you hanging around for, go do something!


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