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Ordinary Man


Camy

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Earlier today I was slugging coffee, writing, and occasionally - when I got stuck - picking up the guitar and noodling. Noodling helps me think. Anyway, I ended up penning a ditty. Then - as I don't write music - I made a rough recording.

Here are the lyrics:

Ordinary Man

i am an ordinary man

i ain't subtle there's no plan

when I saw you at first

my heart flipped went berserk

i think i love you - i think i love you

you're a man

wasn't the plan

'cause i am straight

let others hate

'cause i am me

and you are you

and does it matter

who is who

i think i love you - i think i love you

i never thought i was strange

my genes don't need re-arranging

when we touched in the street

my body and soul felt complete

i think i love you - i think i love you

yet you're a man

it wasn't the plan

'cause i am straight

let others hate

'cause i am me

and you are you

and does it matter

who is who

i love you - i love you

---

And here - if anyone's interested - is the rough recording.

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I think that the lyrics are excellent. I like the rough version, too. It went in a totally different direction than I expected after reading the lyrics and was a good surprise.If you want my totally honest opinion, I think that maybe you should change the key or something. Raise it up a bit perhaps? It kind of gave me that uncomfortable feeling with your voice, if you know what I mean. I like the tone of the key, it just seems a little low to me. But honestly, I don't really know what I'm talking about and really did like it. It really reminded me of one of my favorite artists.Good job. Thanks for sharing.*edited for clarification

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The lyrics are great.I would have expected the chorus section to be in more contrast to the verse.A fast energetic chorus would offset the contemplative nature of the verse structure.A higher key too would help.But what would I know? I can't write music either.Just my thoughts. :wav:

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Cowabunga!Wot great lyrics! Splendid job.I read the lyrics, loved them, thought Billy Joel.Then I listened to your audio draft and it wasn't Billy Joel at all it was Leonard Cohen or Bob Dylan. Which is of course great, but not what I was expecting.To me the lyrics are celebratory, exuberant, singing about the relationship you have with your significant other, and I think that could be reflected more in the tune? Leonard Cohen is the master of gravelly pessimism and I'd rather read your beautiful lyrics as optimistic.Can I have a go?Bruin

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*grinning*Res, Des, Bruin, thank you all so much for the comments. Yes - those who mentioned key - you're right: it's wrong, and needs to come up a tone. Even now, with a capo on and a tone higher, it's sounding better ... livelier. Damn, but that rhythm is hard to play!It's odd how other people see lyrics!The noodling produced the tune, and the lyrics kinda flowed from it. And because I was it was guitar and not keys, the vocal came out the way it did. It wasn't intentionally Leonard Cohen or Bob Dylan-esque. I love Cohen, and Dylan - though I can't abide his voice. Billy Joel - who I also love - Hmm. I can't see that - or should it be 'hear that'?. But then, to me it's a whole entity, and I can't now separate the lyrics from the rest ... if that makes any kind of sense.

Can I have a go?
I'd be honoured. :wav:
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