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What If I Stumble...

Jason Rimbaud


Mark and I have reached the point in our relationship where the newness has finally faded and we've moved into the realm of comfortable bliss. Our days slip by with the quickness of one that is quickly approaching the end. Not to say that we aren't stupidly happy, nor do I mean that the sex has lost it's allure, because let's face the truth, we hump like mad men who have finally been released from prison...a all female prison.

You could say that everything is perfect...

Yet I can't help but think that the other shoe is about to drop...from the top of the Empire State Building right on my pretty little balding head.

I know myself, I do, after all I've lived with this crazy freak for thirty-three years and I am painfully aware of my track record. One of the reasons I've had bad luck in past relationships is I find it difficult to keep my...err...manhood in my pants when faced with temptation. In other words, I have a wandering eye for the pretty men I meet in my life.

What If I stumble

At work, at my hip up-scale restaurant in Palo Alto, I've had my difficulties as well. Mainly from the other servers, servers who for the last two years were my co-workers, my partners in crime, and my equals. And now, because of my recent promotion, I am no longer their equal, now I have to tell them what to do. And I'm finding it a bit hard to balance past friendships with the tedious nature of being responsible for the restaurant. All while trying to maintain a new relationship with Mark, another server who at one time was my equal.

And it's not that he expects special treatment, he does, and it's not that he tries to push the boundaries to find the line, he does, and I'm at my wits end trying to juggle all these things while still doing my job to the best of my abilities. And when I have to put my foot down and say enough is enough, after all, it doesn't take thirty minutes to take a piss, not even with a Urinary Track Infection or some other horrible sexually transmitted disease I am hoping beyond sanity that he doesn't have. And though no one knows about us at the restaurant, he knows, and for some stupid reason can't understand that I won't let him do whatever he wishes.

What If I stumble...

The other day, a server called me aside and asked that I speak to this table that was sitting on the patio. I inquired why, and the server said the guest was quite unhappy that she had found a leaf in her entr?e and was demanding that I take the steak off the final bill.

I know...

This stupid bitch demanded to be seated outside, it wasn't like we forced her to sit underneath a fucking tree on a windy day in Palo Alto. Nor did we purposely sit her at a table that attracted some kind of flying insect like bears to honey. She picked the fucking table.

I mean seriously, how fucking stupid can this bitch possibly be? Can you believe she demanded that we comp her check.

What If I stumble...

And to make matters worse, we hired this completely sexy, out and proud gay boy that is the spitting image of my friend Daniel in his younger days, so basically he's a nerd, with glasses to boot, and a narrow ass that begs me to squeeze it with my face.

He doesn't have the hang-ups that Mark clings to like a virgin clings to it's pillow. He's proud to be gay, comfortable even, even in public. And he smart, witty, charming, and dare I say, dead fucking sexy.

What If I Stumble...

And to make matters worse, he has made his intentions quite known to the staff. Remember, no one at work knows about Mark and I, so in the broader sense, he's doing nothing wrong. But this leaves me in quite the pickle, as far as everyone is concerned I'm single and if you ask the staff, in desperate need of some loving.

Then you have Mark, trying in vain to control his jealousy as the nerd chases me with determination that is quite commendable, if I wasn't balancing a jealous boyfriend, friends who won't mind their own fucking business, and a boss that sits back and laughs at the whole damn mess, I'd probably shit myself with laughter.

What If I stumble...

All this and I'm a bit frazzled. I really like Mark...like...fuck that, I told him I loved him this morning before I crawled out of bed to head off to work. And I do, love him that is, and I know I won't jeopardize this for some sexy nerd with glasses or a hot, sweaty, semi-violent one night stand.

But I know how I sabotage my happiness, and I am fearful of this past behavior.

And then, this morning, way before Mark opened his beautiful brown eyes, I lay there, his pale body entwined with mine, the soft snoring that escaped his lips, and the occasional sleep noises he made, brought such comfort that all these fears slipped away and I couldn't help the ravaging of his sleeping body.

While I was in the shower, I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I was so worried about the thousand what-ifs that I had completely forgotten about the things that mattered most. Worrying about stumbling is no way to live a life, because let's face it, everyone stumbles. It doesn't matter that we stumble, all that matters is how we get back up and try it again.

What If I stumble...who fucking cares.


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Well Jason, as much as I don't like to give advice, :wink: I think you might take Mark aside and ask him to speak to the young nerdy gay boy, to quietly and discreetly let him know that he (Mark) has heard that the boss ( that's you, not the owner) is already spoken for, and is supposed to have a very jealous partner. This will have the effect of letting Mark know you don't want the cute nerd, get the gay nerd to quieten down, and more importantly let Mark know you trust him to carry out this task with all the skills of an international diplomat. As a side benefit it also reinforces your authority in the restaurant in relation to both Mark and the lad. After all it would then be necessary for Mark to be seen to carry out his duties without raising suspicion that he is your "jealous partner."Mind you, this kind of thing will only have a chance of success if both you and Mark feel it is appropriate. Trust each other and you won't stumble. :icon5: It might also be worthwhile waiting to see what other people here, think on the above plan.

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I like Des' plan. It is, frankly, brilliant. Strangely enough though, the part that upset me most in your tale of angst is the dumb-ass lady with her befouled meat problem. My temptation would be to not charge her, but also to remove all signs of the food that was supposedly contaminated. If she had eaten it already, and was now complaining, well, she ate it. Furthermore, I'd not let her remain outside. God knows, a fly could land on it too. OMG, I just realized, AIR POLLUTION - a sure way to destroy an outside meal. Customers like that should just go jump in the nearest swollen drainage ditch and save the world a lot of trouble.

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Frankly, Des' plan rocks.I can't offer advice as I'm hopeless when it comes to stuff like that. Me, I'd probably get so wound up I'd explode ... quietly, in the corner.Hmm. Maybe, I'm thinking, in addition to Des' plan, you have to let Mark know that at work you're THE BOSS. If he loves you as much as you love him he'll realize he can't go on usurping your position at the restaurant.Wishing you all the best!Camy

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Jason:You write a superb blog. I know it's superb because after reading one of your entries, I always want to jump through the screen, grab you and talk some sense into you.I don't get that worked up about what most other people write.There's a great deal of honesty and innocence in what you write that is incredibly attractive, and that brings dormant paternal instincts hidden within me rushing to the fore. At 33, you'd be about the right age to be my son. I don't have a 33 year old son, but if I did, and he had your problems, man, would I be wanting to jump in and help him solve them.And so I want to do the same thing for you. Just as Des did. Grab a couple of those suckers and tell you how to fix them. The urge is strong.But unsolicited advice is rarely wanted and even more rarely heeded. So, I'll desist. Much as I don't want to. I'll desist.But, you know my address.CPS - I guess I couldn't desist entirely!

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Cole- I've never heard someone say so much while claiming not to say anything. :icon5: And wow, if only I had the time to fill you crazy people on the events of yesterday, Cole's and Des's advice would be pointless. But much like the way Cole accuses me of only telling snipit's of events and keeping everyone in the dark, I'm off to work for now. Maybe I'll have time once I return home.*laughs wickedly*Jason *scampers off to work before everyone traps me and beats the truth out of me*

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Des, just what is it you think Jason is doing while you and I, old farts that we are, are sitting by our monitors waiting?Yeah, I think so too.C
Hey Cole,You wanna know what I've been doing the last three days?Working my ass off at my hip up-scale restaurant and making tons of money.I really didn't mean to make you guys wait so long.Anyway I have tomorrow off and promise to write it all downJason
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You guys are all nuts. You need to refresh the screen to see if Jason's posted, or you'll be waiting forever.
I'll happily admit to having nuts. but being nuts? It sounds very Zen: along the lines of 'what is the sound of one nut nutting?' Chip and Dale might know, I suppose. Hmm.Whatever 'it' is, it's inevitably all Jason's fault. :icon5::wink:
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