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bi_janus

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  1. Shard

    Bi Janus

    The verse is a shard,

    found in situ

    in a certain layer.

    I brush the dirt away

    with camel hair of vocal cords,

    slowly sounding its contours.

    If I speak other shards,

    I may piece a pot together

    and hold it up before me.

    I cannot know

    if the potter was a saint

    or a murderous heart.

  2. I commend to you Steven Pinker's recent book The Better Angels of Our Nature in which he makes the case that we have, as societies, particularly in the West, become less violent since the rise of nation-states. Unfortunately, a statistical view of the prevalence of violence doesn't make each instance less a horror. Sometimes, our better angels require assistance and we must stop the nonsense where we are able, by word, by deed, or by both.

  3. Camy,

    I read this today during the lunch break at a training I was conducting for firefighters and cops. Not one dissonant note disturbed the poem's deep affect on me. Like Cole's experience I was transported to times in my youth when I had similar experiences, and like all fine poems, this verse clarified those memories and their associated feelings. When I trudged home an hour ago, I shared the poem with Ann, who smiled as she read and then said, "He must have been in the same room with us when we first knew each other," such was the evocation for her. Thanks so much for sharing this.

    I have a small group of poems that I keep handy to read occasionally. This one is going in the file. Sometimes I read a verse and smile so much that I think, "I wish I would have written that."

  4. Cole,

    My mother, the sober one of the two parents, was a nominal Roman Catholic. For a time, when I was nine and ten, I was fascinated by church ritual, including last rites, so I learned the word unction. Fortunately, I fell in among Buddhists at age nine! My mother, in infinite wisdom, ditched my father when I was eight; the poem looked back from the age of fifteen at trips to the bar with my father when I was six and seven. My father swore me to secrecy about the visits to the bar, and I kept the secret until well after the divorce. Secrets are often an important part of the lives of children with alcoholic parents or parent.

    Rich

  5. This one I wrote when I was fifteen. I suppose it's typical of poetry written by children of alcoholic parents. Each year, about this time, I rework the last five lines, which are the only lines of the poem that have evolved. If you need happy verse, this one won't help.

    The Idea of Usefulness at Snyder’s Bar (1965)

    Bi Janus

    No warmth on my palm

    sliding over the wood table,

    where sawdust is the unction

    for a child’s confusion.

    At the right hand of a beer

    John Joseph sits in conversation

    at the bar with an archangel

    who keeps his glass full.

    The pucks slide without

    the friction of our hands held

    tight when walking with Dad

    to the tavern for quality time.

    The silence of that progress,

    his guilt heart-locked and leaden,

    fashions my rough desire

    to find my use in his life.

    Would I be useful if flesh

    were stripped from me

    in a sky burial

    and my thighbones

    were wrought flutes?

  6. I use MS Office mainly because I'm lazy and Microsoft is the standard in my work environment. Most word processing programs will allow me to save documents in a variety of file formats, and most documents I circulate go out in PDF anyway. But, there are always minor formatting issues that don't translate well. Now, the other MS Office components are irritating in varying degrees (the ubiquity of PowerPoint is a catastrophe), and Access is just lamentable. Since I use Macs at home, Filemaker Pro is my DB program of choice, and I wish I could get our IT department to use it. Alas, I am stuck, flailing in the MS spider's web.

    I will never forgive Gates for almost driving WordPerfect (before Corel got a hold of it) from the marketplace.

  7. Thanks for this, Camy.

    A nice description of the source of his poetry from the Poetry Archive:

    "My poems are the product of a relationship between a side of my mind which is conscious, alert, educated, and manipulative, and a side which is as murky as a primaeval swamp."

    Philip Larkin, who turned down the Laureate gig and was the subject of a Motion biography famously said he was likable, but not tough enough in his writing. I'm not sure that was an accurate description.

  8. Easter, 2012

    Bi Janus

    Passing Eliot’s cruel month

    and returning to the Passion

    once kept safe to me as history,

    I am falling past argument

    toward beatitudes.

    That the tomb is empty

    is no great surprise,

    nor that the women

    found the emptiness.

    They have tombs in them.

    This story, absorbed

    by my bones in youth

    leafs out in guncotton boles,

    but its root is in a soil

    I cannot penetrate.

    I am falling encircled

    by the serpent,

    tail in mouth, wheeling

    around the fleshy axle,

    the root older than memory.

    Once out of nothing come,

    born anew, leaving us

    origin in emptiness as story,

    who will control the violence?

    Better we know the sacred as tomb.

  9. I thought a long time before posting this comment, realizing that my words may seem insensitive.

    The tragedy of this killing is beyond discussion. That a vigilante was armed and misused a weapon is undoubted and reprehensible.

    That said, I'm one of those guys who walk around armed much of the time. I do so where I am allowed by law to do so. Do I feel safer when I am armed? I do not particularly because I don't generally feel unsafe. Do I have anxiety attacks when I do not carry a weapon? No. In an early post on this topic, I believe Des spoke to his having been a victim of violence. People who have been shot at or attacked with blades often develop an altered point of view about firearms, especially if they survived the attack but loved ones or bystanders did not.

    I am exceptionally well-trained in the use of firearms and am clearly aware of the circumstances in which I might use one against another person. None of those circumstances involves protection of property. I might even be willing to give my life before I would shoot someone, but I would have no hesitation about stopping an attack on my wife or my son by shooting if there was no other way. I have been shot at on more than one occasion, and in all but one instance have had the option of retreating, which I took.

    Ann often hikes alone in the wilderness near our home, and when she does, she is armed not because she expects to be attacked, but because we both know that an attack is a possibility. I hope that if she is attacked she will do whatever she has to in order to come back from the trip. For me the handgun is a tool, a very imperfect one at that, but on very rare occasions, it is the only tool that will suffice. The taking of any life ought to mark the person who has acted to do so forever, and in fact it does. I have great difficulty forming a philosophical system around this issue that matches my experience, so I have given up trying. I haven't been sad for one moment, though, that I always came home to my family at the end of the day.

  10. Well, let's try it again. A word changes everything.

    The Promise

    Bi Janus

    Saturday morning

    I came upon a promise

    standing upon my door,

    not even the tips

    of bony fingers

    soft or raw,

    the frame

    skeletal without

    decay but all waiting.

    Instead,

    pointing to what

    I will see later—

    green in Summer.

    The promise

    that if I can abide

    fire will greet

    me in the Fall.

  11. The Promise

    Bi Janus

    Saturday morning

    I came upon a promise

    standing upon my door,

    not even the tips

    of bony fingers

    soft or raw,

    the frame

    skeletal without

    decay but all waiting.

    Instead,

    pointing to what

    I will see in later—

    green in Summer.

    The promise

    that if I can abide

    fire will greet

    me in the Fall.

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