Tanuki Racoon
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Posts posted by Tanuki Racoon
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Hey, I'm an official AwesomeDuder now. Cool.
Welcome. Your story has held my interest but I haven't yet written because I wanted to see where it was going first.....
I bailed on The Confusion Sets In because of the drug use, too. That's always been a bail point for me.And me. If it's part of the story I might put up with it but in most cases it's superfluous and/or forced. I hate it.
But the sign of a good writer :)I know that if I try to rush it, it'll suck. Arg, that's frustrating.Now, in unrelated news I must confess. I read your story and said to myself, "That's clearly got a female author." I even wrote the Dudester and voiced my opinion on same. I apparently owe you an apology? :)
Best,
wbms
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I'm already owned by a cat
What self-respecting gay man plays with pussy?
I am shocked I tell you, SHOCKED
-- wbms
(I, too, am a cat person)
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Well if you're looking for VOTES, I pick 2 and possibly 3.Oh, and btw, I'm slowly moving out of the closet. I'm keeping that sig until I'm more fully out, partly as a reminder to myself. -- I've gotten some nice answers like yours, and they're appreciated.-- wbms
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a boy and his dog
Or his something at any rate....
-- wbms
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Well, I am a huge fan of fantasy novels so I had to immediately give this a try. It shows promise, that's for sure. Grabbed me right away. I was crushed by an it's error, a peeve of mine. But I liked it enough to overlook it.
There's a lot of wondering going on in the reader's mind as to what's happening, and the best thing is the reader (ME!) wants to know more. Grabbed my attention full-on, it did.
Besides, after reading the author's Bio, we have far too much in common.
-- wbms
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Dude!
I am so glad you brought this story here. I only had to beg. I would encourage everyone to read this amazing story. It's POWERFUL. I had mentioned it in an email to a few readers and also on my blog, and now here it is for you all to read.
And, please, write the author and tell him how AMAZING this work of art is.
-- wbms
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I want to say up front that I have already written ten chapters of the story, so if it looks like I'm not taking the feedback onboard, it's just that most of the story is already written. I am intending to write more, but I'm waiting until I can get some advice on what I've done so far.
I read about halfway through the first chapter and then said, "Eh, not quite my cuppa." Why? Well it didn't grab me. I like a story that gets my attention immediately. But then, I went and finished the first chapter from where I left off and it got better. More importantly, I loved the second chapter. So, just in case you care, I really DO like it.
I should know better. Dude hasn't let me down very often here :)
-- wbms
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Hey Everyone:
I'm Gabe. I've got tons of short stories, poetry and a few novels and novelas. 'Just been sitting on them, kinda. But I want to publish them. Though I don't really know how the process of publishing works (much less which publishers take honest percentages of sales or which agents won't rob me.)
Can anyone tell me how this process works?
I have been shot down by a number of major houses. The bottom line is that without an agent you are unlikely to get a fair look by any mainstream press. There are places such as iUniverse which let you do POD. That's easy. However, my personal preference is a real publisher or NO publisher. I have been unsuccesful in my search for an agent. I can go into grusome detail if you have more detailed questions.
-- WBMS
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How do you think foreign language should be handled in stories, if the need arises for a specific character? Should a translation be given with the original? Should only English be used, with a cue that it's in another language?
Generally, if it's small portions use the correct language. Your reader can figure it out from conext. If it's large portions you can type in English but italicize it and in the FIRST reference make some indication that the person is speaking in <language>.
There would be a specific exception if you have two people who are talking to each other and don't understand each other, the ideal thing is to do it in the individual respective languages.
None of this is official, but it's how many authors seem to handle it, and it is sensible enough.
Parlez-vous fran?ais, fluentement ou non-fluentement?I most certainly am not flatulent. :D Je parle un petit peu de fran?ais; yo hablo poquito de espa?ol tambien.
-- wbms
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I just ordered this on Amazon based on your recommendation. It better be good, dammit ;)
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aj and RPnSoCal had mentioned goo-goo-muck
OK, these guys seem to have good spelling and grammar, but guys, the rule is that you have a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. Instead, we get dialogue exchanges all in one paragraph, and it's hard to follow speaker changes. Fix that, and a big problem is solved.
It's so hard to follow I gave up. If the author can't make his story readable, it doesn't belong here or anywhere. That may be harsh but I've got a low tolerance for that sort of thing. Grammar, spelling, syntax, and formatting. Then *IF* that's all good, then you've got plot, characterizations and such. But I never got there because it was a bunch of words crammed together and thus not worth the effort to wade through.
Not that you asked.
-- wbms
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"Jumped the shark" ?
To see exactly what I was referring to:
http://www.jumptheshark.com/ (The site is way cool and will keep you busy for hours)
It's a phrase originally coined to indicate something good has gone bad and specifically the EXACT MOMENT it went bad. It's named after the episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumped over the shark tank. It's in common use now, though most people probably don't know where it came from (or the precise definition).
-- wbms
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Thanks for pointing that out, emjaycee. I realize that people continue to read P&J regardless of whether or not they correspond. I am a rather dull person, and not too many people have the tenacity to sustain a long term correspondence with me (although I am very grateful to those that do). One of my great joys these days is hearing from a reader after months of silence. As you said, most continue to read, and some stop for various reasons and pick it up again. That is all perfectly fine.
Personally, if I was reading P&J, I would wait for a few chapters to accrue before reading them (and then I'd write the brilliant author a gushing note).
Awesomedude, I'd be curious to know what your bail point was on P&J. Could it possibly have anything to do with...GURLZ?
Why do I bail on a story?
(1) I dislike the story or where it?s going. If a story is getting nasty (rape, incest) I?ll leave. But some stories this might not be so bad if it?s worked in properly.
(2) When the author has ?Jumped the Shark? -- not to name names, but one of my favourites for a long time was Carrots & Celery. But it?s done and the author hasn?t figured it out. She?s stuck in a rut and can?t get out. The characters have turned from interesting to whiney things. I hate that.
(3) The story isn?t believable. This is my number one reason for bailing on a story. Just because it?s sci-fi/fantasy isn?t an excuse. ALL WORLDS must be believable.
(4) Bad writing and/or editing. Nothing pisses me off more than bad writing. Let?s take ?The William Carter? which was SUPERB. Now, I don?t even LIKE the new version coming on at Nifty. But I still read it because the author is such a good writer, I just enjoy reading his words. The worse a story is, the better it better to keep me going. At some point it becomes so bad, it?s unforgiveable. Storm Front is a fantastic story but the chapters are getting worse and worse in terms of editing and have slews of bad grammar but I still read because it?s good. Writing and grammar go hand-in-hand hence I?ve combined them here.
(5) Disregard for the audience. You know what I?m talking about. Some authors rely on Deus ex Machina too much. This should be rare and not common. If you?ve ever felt cheated then you may be here. But not liking something doesn?t necessarily mean the author?s cheated you.
(6) Too much sex. I read for mental pleasure. If a story becomes ?fuck and suck? I?m outta there. There is nothing wrong with sex, but I like to read a story not get off. Standard disclaimer applies :)
BTW, if you wonder what happens to your readers, perhaps it?s ?cause you don?t answer your e-mail. You answered once, and I wrote back. Personally, I gave up writing after two tries, because being ignored sucks. I didn?t take it personally and I still love P&J but I stopped writing :)
Best,
WBMS
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I have no advice, but I gotta tell you that I really like you. You sound like me but you're a lot closer to the closet door than I ever will be. I'm so far back in the closet I may never even see the door much less peek out of it. I'm impressed with your ability to express yourself. Nice job.
I'll just go away now.... ;)
-- wbms
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asking...
So, you interested in proofing my next story? :)
That being said I hope Dude didn't think I was 'pistol-whipping' our boy. I was trying to help and reply to his questions. If I didn't like the story I wouldn't be wasting my time answering him. I think he's worth it. So there :)
Of course Blue says it better than I do.....
-- wbms
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Angel doesn't seem campy to me' date=' maybe we are indeed different. He's not the butchest stud in the bunch but hardly a flamer. If he's coming across in some way that makes him less a sympathetic character, that's bad. [/quote']
He IS a little campy but that's OK. He's also sympathetic. Don't equate campy with bad. Just accept what you have.
I'm Latino myself' date=' if you're fishing, but I was trying not to emphasize the fact that Angel isn't white. I wasn't sure how non-white characters would be received.[/quote']Nobody would give a shit. If they do give a shit that he isn't white then they are probably beneath contempt. Not that you asked my opinion.
Boys wear makeup in high school. I wore makeup (sometimes) in high school. I had a whole Ziggy Stardust thing going during my senior year.No' date=' they don't. At least not now though I can't remember many EVER wearing it. Now, only the Goth kids wear much makeup and even that isn't too much. I hate to argue, but you're just WRONG here. :)
A gay-bashing is coming up in the next chapter' date=' are you sure I'm not covering it?[/quote']If you ever put a spoiler in again I will be forced to hunt you down and kick your sorry ass halfway to China. Write it down :P
1) is the dialogue believable or not? if not' date=' why not?
2) are the characters likable? if so, which and how? if not, why?
3) are the scenes interspersed in a way that is effective? if not, why?
6) how are the sex scenes (AS sex scenes)? how are they are part of the story?
1, 2: Yes.
3: Usually
6: It is my opinion your character should stop fucking like rabbits :) Sex is ok but the only thing there's more of than sex is cigarettes. If you keep doing something you rob it of any real meaning. Again this is my opinion.
P.S.(Monday noon) I re-read through what I've done so far and I guess you're right' date=' it is too much sex and utter shyte. *[/quote']Calm down. Take a deep breath. And keep going. If you're a writer, you can fix ANYTHING if you want. You have the skills. You just need to take your time and need a good proofreader who isn't afraid to give it back and say "This is utter crap -- please re-do it." My proofreaders gladly tell me they've seen better prose on a toilet wall and to fix something. And what you've done is good. We're not knocking you -- we're trying to make it better. It could be worse, we could utterly ignore you.
-- wbms
(second of two posts)
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I discovered Nifty about six weeks ago and have been reading stories non-stop, discovering some I liked and a lot that I didn't.
Step one. If it's on Nifty it's probably shit. Either this site or Dabeagle offer much better quality. Or, go read some of Driver's writings. NOBODY writes better than Driver. Nobody including present company. Driver is at http://storiesbydriver.netfirms.com and that's how to write.
All that said, I know I suck at it but I really, truly believe that I can get a lot better with some help.No, if you just sucked you wouldn't even get to be on this site. Nothing here sucks. It's all decent. Maybe you or I or someone else doesn't care for a particular story or author. That's personal taste. But nobody here would tell you something here sucks.
I still feel VERY unsure of a lot of things and would really appreciate any and all commentary. I promise not to cry in public, either, if it hurts my feelings. Not much, anyway.I've had harsh criticism (from fans and fellow authors such as Pecman). My feelings are not hurt. I like it because it makes me better. I am a good writer and I was a professional sportswriter with a weekly published column for several years. So I had more practice than most. That doesn't always carry over to fiction.
I can see that its going fast. I'm unsure what is too much detail and what is not enough. I've read, on Nifty, a lot of stories with endless personal detail (or glacially moving plots) that sort of went over the top and maybe I was trying to avoid that. I'm also NEW to this whole thing in general: fiction writing, erotica and online chapter writing.Again, stop with the Nifty comments. We're talking PACING here. "We got in the car and went to Manny's house." is fast pacing. "We got into the car and I immediately noticed all the trash on the back seat, the open packs of cigarettes on the floor, and the crumpled beer cans under the front seat." That is slower pacing and it tells us quite a bit about the car's driver. I can go further even, "We approached the car, though calling it a car was certainly a kindness as it was rusted through and through. The passenger door didn't open and I had to crawl in from the driver's side. I immediately noticed (append above)"
See? Same exact scene at three different speeds. You aren't boring us here, you're giving us detail. If you start telling us it had 42,786 miles and Goodyear, Eagle X1 tyres, that's oveboard.
To fix the speed thing, would you suggest longer scenes OR more scenes or what, exactly?Neither. See above. You misunderstand.
They (actually its mainly Gene and Angel) smoke a lot for two reasons: I am chain-smoking as I write Drama Club. <G> More importantly, they smoke because its a highly social activity and allows characters to drop defenses and talk together at odd moments. It also underscores other addictive behaviors. Possibly some sublimated oral fixation, too.I understand smoking. I just feel that a bit of self-censorship is appropriate here for the SOLE reason there are lots of teens here. It's not the image we want them to think is ok. I'm not judging you or the habit, I'm watching out for our young residents. You've got smoking so prevalent it's noticeable. However ONE character with an addictive personailty is a great idea. You just need to reduce the number.
If there is anything that you like, that I'm doing right specifically, it would help me to know what it was so I don't stop doing it. I'm completely new to this and have no idea where I'm hitting and where I'm missing unless someone tells me.Your story is good. Your plot is good. Your continuity is excellent.
This is the first of two posts I'm making :)
-- wbms
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I've been reading the story. It's good. I do have some helpful suggestions.
SLOW DOWN. Damn. No need to rush. A little more detail please. You have all those other characters. How about a bit about them -- comments on their looks and personalities. They're in a car or restaurant or classroom? Tell us about it. It'll make the story seemed less rushed and more substantial without making your work much more difficult.
Fixing that one detail will cure your story of the two of the three complaints I have.
The other is: Why is everyone in your story always having a cigarette? I think your characters have smoked several packs so far. It's TOO noticeable. Ideally nobody would ever smoke (kids are reading this) but I know people DO smoke. But sometimes they come up for air.
Story idea: have him try and quit. That could be a long and funny (albeit painful) story arc.
Best,
WBMS
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I agree with Blue. Don't box yourself into a particular genre. If you really know this character, try to imagine what type of setting and situation would be the most challenging to this particular person, physically and psychologically, and you are bound to have an interesting story.
This character is, shall we say, terribly angry. He'd be at home in any genre. The easiest for me to write would probably be straight (bad choice of words, huh?) Epic Fantasy because the rules are a lot more lax.
I'm still toying with what to do. Just want you all to know I appreciate the feedback so far.
-- wbms
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Hello :)
I was sitting on the tarmac this past Sunday waiting for our plane to take off. An hour later, it finally did.
By that time my boredom had created a character for me. I've got a great character. I need to plop him into a story. And therein lies the rub (to steal a clich?).
I'm not sure WHAT genre to do. I was thinking Epic Fantasy. I've already done Urban Fantasy (that's where I put AWMS & IDAD). I've done Contemporary (ADIP). I can't write Murder very well -- besides Josh Aterovis owns that market. I refuse to do a Harlequin-type romance.
So I've got science fiction, Epic Fantasy, Contemporary. What would people like to see me write. (If you think I suck at writing "nothing" is certainly a valid option). I'm being terribly indecisive and vacillating heavily.
I'm just not quite sure what I want to do. My readers don't write, so I'm hoping some fellow authors will help me decide.
Thanks!
-- wbms
I am not sure if this work will be for posting or not. But I write lots of stuff. I just don't post it all. I have to get a good feel about it before it sees the light of day.
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I got indignant about this, and argued that to just arbitrarily slam the door on sex scenes in novels was silly and unreasonable. Even worse, I looked upon his attitude as a subtle kind of censorship, since he was now put in the position of having to remove stories that had been on his site for months (if not years).
I agree with your position 100%. I want you to understand that because I thought what was done was flat out wrong.
Well, a veritiable firestorm erupted from my arguments. I told the website owner that my main problem with his decision was that he needed to do three things:1) give us the specifics on why he felt that stories with sexual content should not be allowed.
2) tell us how reading stories with sexual content will harm teenagers (particularly when he already has an ?18 years or older? warning banner on the first page of his site).
3) give us a specific list as to what can be permitted in stories, vs. what cannot; tell us what the limits are.
But the website owner got very flustered and refused to do any of this. Instead, he insisted that it was his website, and he could do what he wanted with it -- something on which I completely agree. I simply wanted to know why he felt the way he did, but I never got anywhere with my argument.
See, here's where you go wrong Mr. Pecman, sir. Ultimately it IS his website. He owes you (or me) neither an excuse, an explanation, or anything else. On your website you may post what you want (as long as it's legal) and may remove what you don't want. NOBODY has the right to an explanation. Period. End of sentence. He doesn't have to explain his reasons or anything else. I, too, would like answers to your questions. However, I respect his right to not give them. I politely asked similar questions and was ignored. I respect his decision an right to do so.
-- wbms
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While a majority of that feedback can be little more than a thanks and I really liked your story sort of expression on the part of the readers out there. What I have found invaluable is the quality of the intelligence that is often displayed by way of critque, viewpoint, or in some cases pointing out obvious mistakes..
All e-mail is valuable to me ESPECIALLY the ones that just say "I'm reading" Unlike most authors I //love// when a reader points out an error or argues a position I've taken as long as it's intelligent. Keep me on my toes and keeps me organized.
-- wbms
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in Readers Rule!
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