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Ben's Cabin

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Okay, blowing my own trumpet here.

I wrote this story, Ben's Cabin, for an anthology at The Authors' Haunt on the theme of 'Mountain'.

It's a bit of an experiment - there's no dialogue, at all. I was going for a fairytale flavour, a la Hans Anderson or Brothers Grimm.

I want to know if you guys think it works. Or does it just come across as detached, uninvolving?

Opinions, please!

Thanks, folks.

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It works for me Bruin.

A fable in the manner you intended, except perhaps I wanted more, maybe the end is a little sudden?

Anyway that is just nitpicking, it really is fine just as it is.

I particularly liked the unquestioned acceptance of the same-sex lovers, (both past and present) and the writing is quite beautiful with its mirror like descriptions of the boys succeeding their parents' idealism.

A charming fable of life and love. :icon_geek:

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That's a wonderful story, Bruin. The way you handle the passage of time is helped by the lack of dialogue. It's easy to forget that dialogue pins the story to the present, to the moment. Narrative allows for the passage of time.

I can see that the twin and his boyfriend who moved into the cabin will be there for a long time, even longer, perhaps, than Joseph and Ben.

Colin :icon_geek:

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I really liked the way this story evolved. There was a lot of inference here - a very tangential approach to the original occupants being gay and to the one twin son being gay, and that the parents obviously knew, but never discussed it, but gave their son the journal because they knew. It all fit together like pieces of a puzzle. Very nice!

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