Blot on the Landscape

[Deanbn1990]

BLOT on the LANDSCAPE

People say I'm lucky where I reside

Rolling hills and ancient tress frame my view.

Cows sleepily make milk in grasslands wide,

Spider webs glint with jewels of morning dew.

Air clean, no noise of cars, pollution free;

Swift silver streams diamond studded dancing.

A rolling vista, multi-hued I see

Sparse spread cosy homes the scene enhance.

I love this land, as boy I roamed it free

On foot, by bike, adventures in my mind.

To swim a river, climb a massive tree;

To fight and vanquish demons of all kinds.

But now in vain I look for solace there.

I look for secret places where I can hide.

In circles wander; try to loose my care,

But this demon I can't fight, it's inside.

In countryside so peaceful, I know well,

I walk for miles, never loose my way.

But all the time I take my living hell

That growing cancer telling me I'M GAY!

No lepers bell, but hatred all the same,

Afraid to say; afraid to live a lie.

Those secret places where I played a game

Now serve again, this time a place to die.

Where is the boy who laughed and dragons slew,

Who loved his life, met hope with open arms?

Now hated himself, fears living if they knew

A dirty secret replaced a boyish charm.

Not normal, pervert, shouldn't be allowed

A place in hell reserved for those who dare.

On Earth alone, yes even in a crowd

Perhaps it's time he took his place down there.

[Bruin Fisher]

I'm very glad you got through this period in your life. I hope things are good for you now. This is a nicely crafted poem and powerful in its message. I'm glad you've found another way to see life.