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Melancholia


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Melancholia

Tears leaking from the eyes cannot quench the fiery pain

I have suppressed this flood long enough, because boys don?t cry

Meaningless fury at my impotency in defeating this formless foe

Dejected, exhausted of hoping and praying, waiting for it all end

There is no peace, not even in the garden of paradise when chaos reins in my mind.

Sands of time slip away, I wait for the moment when this pain would finally go away

When I have breathed the last breath, when the spark of life has burned one last time

Only then, only then this pain mercifully will end. Oh I want to let go, let go of this life

I take refuge in the darkness; in its embrace I know I will be safe

The light of life has hurt me too much; blissfully I will shut my eyes

Shut off seductions of life?s illusions of hope and gladly I will sleep

Oh what fool I was to ever think I would be happy, yes fool indeed

I feel alone even in the company of friends and family

Merriest of music does nothing but stir melancholia in me

Happy faces belie agony even demons of hell can?t imagine

Silence in the surroundings belies the hysteria with in

Lust still stirs me for the beast we humans are but bliss in orgasm just isn?t complete

Fears and guilt gnaw persistently at my being until a living carcass is all that remains

Laughter, an insane laughter rattles me until deluge of tears try to drain pain in futility

Born to die and die we all will, might as well fulfill this ultimate truth now than later

Yes I dreamed dreams of happiness and of joy, that I might be happy some day.

I am in the lonely desert of life and vultures are hovering, waiting for me to fall.

Blessed darkness swirling, blurring out hurt, pain and I feel numbness engulf me

My mind is going and I feel blissful nothingness, damn the world and damn life

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Sean,

Poetry is a way of expressing our feelings... I hope you aren't feeling as dark and malancholic as the poem would indicate.

Melancholia also seems so different in attitude from your earlier piece in structure and feeling. I wish I could make more constructive comments on poetry in general... I only know how poems affect me or make me feel.

Your earlier one "I am what I am I fear no consequence" brought a smile for its 'invincibility' but the black mood of this one evokes somthing else, a kind of concern. I have searched my emotional memory banks for some kind of point in my life where such words might have applied but come up with nothing.

In any case, in moving me to feel a new emotion - not necessarily a pleasant one - means that you are expressing yourself successfully as a poet.

Looking forward to reading more from you.

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I hope none of you have ever experienced the feelings this poem evokes. I admit my feelings came very close to it, but please don't sweat. I am stronger, this poem was in many ways therapuetic in draining drakness from my heart. :-)

Only when we have experienced the darkest of emotions we truly come to appreciate the light in life. Like they say, What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

It is difficult to see hope in this poem, but compare the light you have experienced in life against this. I am sure then you will appreciate even the minor happy moments in life better. Treasure them like jewels, in the end only they will make u a rich man.

Peace.

Sean.

PS: I apologize for the mistakes (literary I mean) in the peom.

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