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Regarding Jackassery

EleCivil

Entry posted by EleCivil ·

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My roommate and I went to see Jackass 2 the other day. That meant going to The Mall. Now, both of us were trailer park kids, so to us, the mall is pretty much the opposite of everything we grew up knowing. For instance, we KNEW that there was no way a clay pot could cost more than what our parents made in a month. We KNEW that t-shirts were 3 for $5 and came in bags. We KNEW that people don't actually act like they do on TV. The Mall, however, proves wrong every one of those beliefs. That's why we generally try to avoid it. Sadly, it has the only movie theater in town.

We got there early, so we had to walk around for a while. My roommate (who's straight, by the way) heads for the bathroom. On the way in, he turns to me and jokingly asks "Do you want to help me?" I shake my head and tell him that I think he's got this one under control. About two seconds later, he walks back out.

He looks around and says "Uh...some guys heard me say that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. One of 'em said 'fag', so I told him that that's not what his Dad said last night."

I groan. "For fuck's sake...again?"

He shrugs. "Can't help it. We should...uh, run."

We start walking away, and two guys strut out of the restroom behind us. One calls out "Hey, faggot!"

I take off my jacket and hand it to my roommate, then turn around, sighing heavilly. They kind of size us up, looking us up and down and then glancing between themselves. I get a good look at them - high school kids, dressed in "I think I'm a rebel but I paid two hundred dollars for these pants" clothes. I give them this look - just kind of cocking my head to one side, in a "did I hear you correctly?" kind of way. They shrug and walk the other way.

I take my jacket back from my roommate. "How come I'm the one that has to protect you from gay bashers?"

"'Cause you're intimidating, and I insult strangers."

"Oh yeah."

Then we saw Jackass 2, and laughed for the durration. It was better than the first one.

"We say things we don't mean, but friends understand. Strength and humor don't always go hand-in-hand. A joke to you might not be so funny, so take the time and think it out before you open up your mouth."

-"Things We Say" by Gorilla Biscuits

6 Comments

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Paul

Pretty gutsy. You ever do anything like that before? You sort of hint at it with the "Why am I the one who has to protect you" remark to your friend.I've had fantasies of doing the intimidating thing myself, usually in the context of having had some jackass driver pull some life-threatening maneuver right in front of me. You know, following him until he stops, then getting out and rushing up to his window and, with my best crazed-maniac attitude, screaming "You could have killed me with that stunt!" 'Course, I never would, since I wouldn't know how to handle it if the guy could do a crazed-maniac routine better than mine.

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EleCivil

It doesn't happen often, and I can usually diffuse it like I did this time - giving the would-be assailants the crazy eyes :cat: - but it's happened before. My roommate is a downright scholar of insult comedy, and his favorite form of humor is the kind that makes other people laugh at him while he, in turn, laughs at the fact that they don't understand why it's stupid of them to laugh at him (it's pretty much impossible to convey through text, unfortunately). 99% of the time it goes over their heads and nothing happens, but every now and then he'll say something to the wrong person... :goofy:

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Graeme

Any incident that everyone can walk away from with all bodily parts intact and without losing anything is okay. I'm glad it finished well, but I have to say that it doesn't fit the mental image I had of you :goofy:

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Paul
I'm glad it finished well, but I have to say that it doesn't fit the mental image I had of you.
[Grandmotherly Voice]Yes, he seemed like such a nice young man.[/Grandmotherly Voice]
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Tanuki Racoon

See, I like your way of doing this. My mouth gets me in trouble too. You need to be my friend and protected me. I really liked your short tale and thanks for sharing. I also saw JA2 and it didn't suck nearly as much as I thought it would. I would have never gone (having not wanted to see the first) but my friend made me go.

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Tim the Traveller

I groan. "For fuck's sake...again?"He shrugs. "Can't help it. We should...uh, run."OK that made me LMAO. It can be a pain being the intimidating person of your friends sometimes.And I know exactly what you mean about going to the mall. People who can spend $100 on a pair of underwear. It is sickening. I wish some of them could spend just a month in the trailer park, It would be an eye opening experience. I can walk down my street and point out the crack houses and the suspected meth labs pretty dam easy. Kid's from the 'burbs can be so naive. The real ghetto would eat them alive.(would it be sadistic to want front row seats to that? :cat: ) :goofy:

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