"Hold still," said the doctor, "It is just a little prick."
"Not from what I have heard," I told him.
"Oh, and what have you heard?" he said with menace in his eyes as he waved the needle in his hand.
I thought better than to antagonize the poor man, after all he was nearly as old as me.
"Have you had your flu injection?" I asked.
"Yes I have," he responded, "so I know how small a prick it is. But this isn't your flu injection. You had that last month. This one is your pneumonia shot and is even smaller."
And with that he jabbed the needle into my arm, squeezed the plunger and muttered the standard physician's "ah hmm."
"What does that mean?" I asked, "Did the needle break off in my arm? Did you miss the mark? Is it the wrong injection? How long have I got left?"
"Not long at all if you don't be quiet," he grinned, his teeth snarling as he inspected the remains of the syringe.
"Why can't these things come in a pill or a capsule? I'm very good at swallowing," I said.
The good doctor rolled his eyes and then looked at me with mischief in both eyes. "You mean you can shut your mouth long enough to swallow?"
"Oh I can swallow with my mouth open." I said.
He looked vanquished as he replied, " I should have seen that one coming."
"I usually can," I offered helpfully.
"I'm sure you can."
He placed a band-aid on my arm.
"There that will probably be sore tomorrow, but at least you have some protection now."
"So I don't need to wear a condom anymore?" I asked.
"Only if you know the prick hasn't been infected," he roared with laughter as he opened the door to show me out.
"Pay the nurse on the way out," he said still chuckling.
"Oh," I said, "That would be for the money shot, then?"
"Your scaring the other patients," he said as he shut the door.
"All fixed?" asked the nurse as I paid her.
"All depends what you mean by "fixed," I said as I left.
Going to the doctors is so much fun.