Have you ever noticed your own aging process?
I saw myself losing hair on my head 24 years ago. I was alerted to this by the number of twinks that ran away from me, rather than towards me. I was almost arrested for causing stampedes in the shopping mall.
It was the first sign that I might not be immortal.
The second sign was the lines around my eyes.
The third sign was when the lines sagged and became wrinkles.
The fourth sign was when I developed hypochondria about the first three signs being imminent indicators of my need to smash mirrors in order to feel good about myself.
The fifth sign was when people looked at me and lied. "You haven't changed at all," said friends I hadn't seen for 25 years as they held up their fingers to make the sign of the cross, in my direction.
The sixth sign was when young children pointed at me and said, "Ooh, look Mummy, it's the evil emperor from Stars Wars." It didn't help when the mother said, "No dear, that is Darth Vader without his helmet. I should stop wearing black.
The seventh sign I am told, is when you forget what the first six signs are. I don't believe it.
The seventh sign I have just discovered is when your armpits go bald.
The hair in my armpits is thinning, almost threadbare.
I wonder if I can get some of my pubes transplanted to my armpits, I have plenty of those, so far.
I'll ask the doctor. He'll know.