EleCivil
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Posts posted by EleCivil
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Hi, Ubik - glad to have you here.
New chapter's been sent. There's probably going to be a bit of a delay for the next one, though - I'm writing the next chapter of Comicality's "Lost in Shadow" round robin project (http://comicality.gayauthors.org/gfd/lost.html), so I'll be busy with that for a while.
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Haha, awesome.
Poor fish, though. Wonder if he saw it coming.
"Oh, don't tell me he's pumping iron on webcam again. Hey, he's getting kind of close to the tank. Man, I hope he doesn't...no, no way would he-" *crash* "Ah, air! My only weakness!"
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This is dedicated to everything I wrote in middle school.
[This Title Has More Words Than It Deserves And None Of Them Relate To The Content]
Things sound more profound
When formatted in haiku:
Behold, pretension!
Bastardized Latin
Will give it authority:
Ego, praetension!
Something self-loathing
To be edgy and moving:
Curse my pretensions!
Add in a swear word
For the sake of offending:
Fuck, I?m pretentious!
Re-align the text
To make it more intriguing:
........................And more.................................pretentious.
But don?t follow rules,
Break the established pattern:
I?m much too pretentious to follow the standard form of haiku!
How do you like that, tradition?
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Funny story behind this one. I wrote this on request for a band back in high school. They wanted to be a political band, but they didn't want to have to watch the news or anything. When I asked what kind of politics they wanted to stand for, the guy I was talking to shrugged and said "I dunno...just put 'Bush sucks' in there." So, I gave them this. They didn't ask me for any more.
[False Conviction is the New Pop Sensation]
Scratching out reasons for sweet little treasons
The charlatan nips at the end
Of a half-run-dry ball point conspirator scribe
While he?s dreaming up rights to defend
For nothing?s less blessed than a complacent vessel
With nothing but praise on his lips
When there?s flags to be sewn and coups to be thrown
And blood for the hands of the rich!
So that?s what he writes with no conscience to fight
As he sings to his army of fans
And he says that last night he saw Joe Hill, all right,
With a Little Red Songbook in hand
But his own pockets lined with a few easy dimes
Was all that his dreams let him see
So he screams of the system and rallies against them
In his sweatshop-made Guevara tee.
Bush sucks!
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Loved chapter 8. I was really impressed with Kyle in this chapter - going to start that confrontation took a lot of guts. And balls. Gulls? Yeah...gulls.
And I'm really curious about what's been going on with James.
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Improvisational stuff, here. I've got a stack of school ID cards ranging from middle school to high school for about four different people (we used to use them as currency/bargaining chips in trades), so I use those most of the time.
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I just had to tell Elecivil that I have no clue how to pronounce his name.
Heh. Don't worry about it - I didn't know how to pronounce it when I started using it. Now I read it mentally as "ELL-eh-SIV-ill", but it still sounds awkward to me.
Ok, so besides that, I am a sucker for a cliffhanger. And I think I may have just read the best one ever conceived. And that says a lot, considering I'm a recovering domaholic.Whoa, thanks! I'm a Dom fan, too.
Welcome to the board, TTS.
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I wonder if it was a temptation to title the chapter "Riots of Spring"?
Actually, yeah, I did consider that for a while.
The beach-ball riot was based on one that actually happened at my high school, by the way. It got a little more violent, there, though - people started throwing full water bottles at each other, whipping tampons and condoms at the teachers, plenty of fistfights breaking out...rumor was that somebody pissed in a bottle and threw that, but I can't confirm that one. Unfortunately, that was my senior year, right before I graduated, so I never got to see the next assembly to see what kind of security measues they implemented.
I'm glad to see that the game here called "In Bed" is still played. In my day, we called it "Between the Sheets," which I personally feel has a bit more panache.Haha, yeah. "Betwen the Sheets" still has a following, too. Same with "In the Sack" and "All Night Long". It's a very versitile game.
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Thanks, LB!
Also, thanks to Ryan for editing this chapter. 8)
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Oh, thanks for catching the dialogue mix up, I forgot to mention it in my comment above. See the second and third paragraphs, quoted below:?Are you saying I?m easy??
?What? No. I just?I don?t know. Is there, like, a different standard for gay guys? Are we supposed to go that fast??
?Well, yeah. I did like it ? kissing and holding hands and stuff. But?does it usually go that fast? For gay guys, I mean??
?Um, that kind of depends on the people. You can?t really speak for everybody.? He raised one eyebrow. ?Wait. I?ve got to ask, um?how long have you known that you?re gay??
?Hm. Two, two and a half months? Give or take.?
Aww...shirt. Again. Next time I write a story, I'm going to try to find an editor. Yeah, disregard that third paragraph. Part of an earlier draft that I thought I had gotten rid of.
It's weird - the Nifty version of the story ends up being the better edited one, since readers from AD tell me about typos and misspellings and things like this, that just don't make sense. Thanks for pointing this stuff out!
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Um, I did notice one typo. The word shirt, minus the 'r,' for the guy the band meets before going in to set up. I figure it adds to that edgy anti-establishment vibe.
Aw, shirt. Figures that I'd end up with a typo like that. :roll: Heh...anti-establishment, huh? Yeah, that sounds like a good excuse. "I'm too punx for spellchex."
Thanks, Blue and Buddha!
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Haha, I saw that a little while ago. Brother-in-law Phil was my favorite, but I loved these, too:
-He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
-It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
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There?re at least 4 of 5 more chapters left in Opportunity Cost and a whole other sequel after that.
!
Cool!
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New chapter = sent.
For those interested, here's some supplimental material:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardcore_dancing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ninja_pit
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circle_pit
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pogo_%28dance%29
*shrugs* I thought they were interesting reads.
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Very cool beginning. I'll be sure to keep reading this.
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One thing I've noticed, though, is that he continually using phonics to work out the same words, rather than remembering them.
That's normal. It's good for them to do that, so that they get used to the way phonemes/graphemes work. Easier to apply that than it is to memorize what whole words look like. First comes the phonemic awareness, then comes the bank of sight-words.
I think, as a parent, it's a better way than the simple memorisation of a list of wordsI agree completely. 'Course, I may be a bit biased, since I just got out of a sixteen-week course where the instructor stated "phonics/phonemic awareness programs are much more effective than whole-word memorization" at least once every day.
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It's somewhere around the end of the semester, or just past it. (Dang, I hope you did better than just passing! )
Yep, semester's over now, so expect the pace to pick up as far as chapters go. Next chapter should be out next week.
As for my education, I learned that "The Role of Phonics in Emerging Literacy" is actually a code name for "How to Bore the Hell out of Thirty College Students" - a practical field-based performace test for college instructors. I think my instructor passed with flying colors.
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Hey, thanks everybody!
I have spread my dreams under your pen, write softly because you write on my dreams.Heheh. Fear not, good sir, for my pen shan't puncture. Um...yea, verily?
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And what kind of stuff can you launch with it?
Socks, tennis balls, eggs...anything that's relatively small and round will work.
Now, I'd probably laugh, explain that I'm not mechanically inclined, but that this, I've gotta see, and join in.Haha, none of us are mechanically inclined, either. We didn't even have a saw. The plans were originally for it to be three feet tall, but the smallest pre-cut lumber we could find was six.
Oh, and in non-trebuchet news, I just sent in the next chapter.
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Maybe. Depends on whether or not I can borrow a camera from somebody.
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New chapter by the end of the week.
I meant to finish it up yesterday, but I got kind of distracted. My roommate woke up, looked over and said "Hey...want to go build a trebuchet?" Now, personally, I can't imagine hearing that and responding with anything other than "Hell yes, I want to build a trebuchet." So...no new chapter yet, but on the plus side, there's a seven foot tall seige engine in my driveway.
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[Hollow Bones, Better Fit for Flying]
He lets his guard down with his eyelids
Panting his passions into a pillowcase
Painting salt-streaked skylines with his eyes
Across what used to be a plain striped pattern
His dreams are confusing, contradictory
Hollow bones, better fit for flying
But unable to stand up to the slightest pressure,
And pressure is all he has right now.
Calmer hearts, better built for lasting
But unable to allow the smallest twitch,
And twitching is exactly what he wants tonight.
An empty head, better led to resting
But unable to use when conscious
And come sunrise, his consciousness insists on calling.
Hollow bones, better fit for flying
Are on his mind the next morning
When he steps outside and passes a man
Leaning against the side of his building
Pounding rusted rhythms against his palm
With a length of pipe and whistling
Whistling ?Swing Low, Sweet Chariot?
And today, he decides not to stop and wonder
Who he?s waiting for, or what he?ll do to them
And decides, instead, to walk away whistling
Carrying the stranger?s song on his breath
And spreading him across the city
To more people, more chances.
Maybe some of them will be on their way out
And carry a bit of that man?s spirit with them
And his own, as well, as he whistles faster,
So that maybe, just maybe,
A little piece of every one of them can escape
Loosed from a stranger?s lips and let levitate
This low-swinging chariot
Through crowded heads, better made for matching
Those heavy hearts, better built for understanding
Its hollow tones, better fit for falling
Yet rising up, better still, resounding.
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Great new chapter!
The whole scene in the beginning about Peter's problem with Jenny had me laughing - "You know, some cultures define this as a neck."
It was a good lead-in to the rest of the chapter, when we find out that everyone else's lives seem to be going to hell. Gives it a nice sense of ballance. -
Great chapter! Cody's a cool character - hope to see more of him.
It was a good lead-in to the rest of the chapter, when we find out that everyone else's lives seem to be going to hell. Gives it a nice sense of ballance.Scan to donate
Anyone speak Latin?
in Writers' Workshop
Posted
I don't speak Latin, but I knew a librarian with an "In Libris Libertas" tattoo. She told me it translated to "In books, freedom" or "There is freedom in books", depending on how strictly you wanted to translate.