Jump to content

Delving


Jason Rimbaud

Recommended Posts

Delving

By: Jason R.

I fall

down into a pit

a pit of my own making

and design

though I fall

my eyes are wide and blind

clarity is a concept

I have never found

so I grip to my fear

like a fuck without a noun

my soul is diseased

stained gray and black

if I was Dorian Gray

more than lines would I lack

and when I look into my future

I only see me alone

when I peer into my past

I only see me alone

when I reflect on the present

I only see me alone

yet I am happy

for you are not in my world anymore

If anyone is interested. My website has been redone. Lots a poetry and a few short stories.

My Webpage

Link to comment

Jason,

I think I like it, though the way you've written the lines seems to me wrong. What I mean is that when I read it aloud (it's the way I read poetry) the way I read it is different to the way it's presented... if that makes sense.

I'm still thinking about:

clarity is a concept

I have never found

so I grip to my fear

like a fuck without a noun

---

Good website! Fresh stories to read. Yay!

I hate geocities. Damn intrusive adverts down the right hand side. Bah.

Camy

Link to comment

Hey Camy,

Sorry about Geo Cities, the ads do suck. But I wanted to be sure I warranted a website

before paying for a name. I am new at this posting online stuff and I didn't want to waste my

money if no one would be interested in reading my stuff.

I agree about the format of this piece. This is the third time I've re-written it and I still

don't like it. Something is missing. Though for the life of me I can't figure out what. I'll keep

trying. Maybe I'll try a different format again.

Jason R.

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...