Jason Rimbaud Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 Delving By: Jason R. I fall down into a pit a pit of my own making and design though I fall my eyes are wide and blind clarity is a concept I have never found so I grip to my fear like a fuck without a noun my soul is diseased stained gray and black if I was Dorian Gray more than lines would I lack and when I look into my future I only see me alone when I peer into my past I only see me alone when I reflect on the present I only see me alone yet I am happy for you are not in my world anymore If anyone is interested. My website has been redone. Lots a poetry and a few short stories. My Webpage Link to comment
Camy Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 Jason, I think I like it, though the way you've written the lines seems to me wrong. What I mean is that when I read it aloud (it's the way I read poetry) the way I read it is different to the way it's presented... if that makes sense. I'm still thinking about: clarity is a concept I have never found so I grip to my fear like a fuck without a noun --- Good website! Fresh stories to read. Yay! I hate geocities. Damn intrusive adverts down the right hand side. Bah. Camy Link to comment
Jason Rimbaud Posted September 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 Hey Camy, Sorry about Geo Cities, the ads do suck. But I wanted to be sure I warranted a website before paying for a name. I am new at this posting online stuff and I didn't want to waste my money if no one would be interested in reading my stuff. I agree about the format of this piece. This is the third time I've re-written it and I still don't like it. Something is missing. Though for the life of me I can't figure out what. I'll keep trying. Maybe I'll try a different format again. Jason R. Link to comment
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