A Code

[Sign Of A Flatline]

in the living room

next to the fire

warm, contented

yet cold and yearning

craft knife poised

I used those white-hot coals

to slowly

tentatively

clean my blade

my shirt falls to the floor

revealing pale flesh

waiting, wanting

begging perhaps

my first short line

deliberately traced

inches of clean pain

unadulterated and our

another follows

two small slits in my skin

exposing the large cracks

deep in my soul

i notice my blood congeal

and feel the panic relight

the act i frowned upon

the condemnation i passed

all right and so wrong

i never knew it was like this

what else will follow?

if not self contempt

revulsion at what I've done

disgust at its ease

a new understanding comes

i am what i hate

now i'm the one begging

for the cycle never stops

loathing to blood to loathing

the cuts too addictive

the lines too reassuring

tangible and measurable

painful and true

my secret act

my secret hatred

concealed now

surpassing another

in a vain bid

trying to protect myself

from the others

the rest that follow

all merger to one

shallow cuts

made with shallow promise

then that fateful day

when my secret breaks free

running from my closet

to that fateful person

chock then appalled

scared then disappointed

but concerned above all else

advice from all corners

supporting and confiding

and despite a lack of understanding

they'll pull me through

make me

better

stronger

pale flesh heals

pain is never permanent

now maybe someday

i can help another

break the facade

see the pain

fix the suffering

cure the loneliness

and understand the doubt

for a code is created

a code of conduct

i can be that person

for another lost

in the labyrinth

of self harm

well its done now.

had this following me around for weeks, its finally at a place where i'm not compelled to keep going back to it and change it, and now i won't have it at the front of my mind all the time.

also normally i wouldn't post this, its a bit dark and well... personal, but as i've allreayd said i'vce been compelled to share it with others, for some morbid reason.

[DesDownunder]

A bit dark? Well yes, but you have a story to tell, a hope to offer and help to give. A strong poem and you are a brave and loving soul.

Hugs.

[Bruin Fisher]

Wow that's a powerful piece.

For obvious reasons not everyone has the equipment to write such a poem and I suspect that many of those who do wouldn't dream of plucking up the courage to write it. But you have done, and enriched the rest of us by doing so. I'm reading it as uplifting and positive, hopeful for the future and empowering. I hope you are able to realise your laudable goals; I think you have the potential to be a great force for good in society.

May you go from strength to strength!

[Sign Of A Flatline]

thanks guys. incase you hadn;t guessed i'm a tad ashmed of that part of my life and mroe than al glad its behind me... this was well forced out of me by something i can't really explain...

really what i've put up is about a 1/4 of what i've really got written (and this is a slightly tweaked version of the truth)

=D i couldn't stop.

bruin you got it right it was uplifting... well wiritng the end was uplifting for me anyway ^_^