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Straight Dude Looks Too Gay to Give Blood

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Source: http://www.suntimes.com/news/6495246-452/m...peared-gay.html


We all know that guys who have sex with guys can't donate blood.

But now the precedent is that guys who look "effeminate" can't give blood, because they might be lying about not having sex with guys. All I can say is "It's about time!" As the National Republican Party and several famous evangelical preachers have taught us, there are tons of gay dudes out there pretending to have normal, straight, non-tainted blood.

Now, it's easy to spot someone who LOOKS gay...but what about those that are better at hiding it? They could be sexing dudes every night, and giving blood every day, and we'd never know!

My proposed remedy?

Government issued ID cards. Like a driver's license, but for sex. That's right, gentlemen - all the excitement of the DMV, but with all the illicit thrills of proving to strangers that you are not a homosexual.

"But Civil," I hear you interjecting, "What if those deceitful Homer Sexuals simply LIE to the government to get their Certified Hetero (patent pending) cards?"

Simple solution: The cards will only be issued in straight strip clubs. And only to men with prominent erections.

But who, you might ask, would be willing to examine all these men's tumescent members in the name of purity?



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