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66. Sitting Up Straight.



Some time ago I was at the local office warehouse where they had these you-beaut $400 office chairs on sale for $99.

So of course always willing to save money by spending it, I bought one.

It was terrific. It had a gas lift that worked. My old chair didn't do that. The new one could up and down at the touch of a lever. Kewl! If I lent back it reclined till I was almost horizontal. I was having fantasies of sex in a chair.

Like all new love affairs, I then started to discover its failings. The biggest one was that the seat was designed for a posterior three times the size of mine. It was truly an office manager's chair. I could cuddle two secretaries in this chair, it was so huge.

Also over time I started to develop a bad back. The little disc thingies in my spine would jump out of position and twang, I was in agony until I clicked it back. The new chair was an object of abject disappointment. It had one saving grace; it's lift mechanism worked so I could sit at the right height to the desk.

Well the recent hot weather took its toll on my poor spine and I thought I had reached the end of days. My legs had seized up and I had an agonising pain from my rear end down to my calf muscles, (such as they are. Don't get excited.)

Then the weather dropped 20 degrees. And my spine snapped frozen with the disc in the wrong position.

The b/f was asking if he should ring the doctor or the undertaker. I'm not certain which he preferred.

The doctor was no help. He gave me a flu injection which made my arm hurt.

I searched the Internet for treatment of the symptoms. Eureka! Chiropractor! Of course why didn't I think of that.

The chiropractor listened to my tale of woe about my tail.

Snap, crack and a pop, and all was well. What a great man he is.

He said I wasn't sitting up straight.

So I told him I couldn't do that because I was gay. He rolled his eyes.

He then explained that the trouble was with my chair not supporting my lumbar region properly.

Aha -so down to the used car parts I go and buy a secondhand sports-car bucket seat.

I found one that fitted me perfectly. It had a sticker on it that read "Crash Proof."

Back home after drilling and tapping holes and threads, I fitted this futuristic flight seat to the base of the chair.

I sat down and adjusted the height and the back until I was cocooned in the comforting protection of this wonderful seat.

"Houston? Houston, I say, I am ready for take off."

"And there is DesDownUnder form Oz lined up for the start of the Indianapolis 500. Vroom, vroom."

"Warp nine, Mr Spock."

Oh Wow, this great.

What's more I won't be killed the next time Windows crashes.

I wonder if I should fit an air bag to the monitor?



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You are truly hilarious, Des. With my sister being a chiropractor, I can certainly understand your fortunate choice and quick relief. The advice I have from my sister though, is to buy one of those large exercise balls and sit on that. It seems that the continual need to balance makes your back more a little bit, all the time, and strengthens things 'back there' very nicely. Also, if you are a bit tippy (tipsy?) you can even buy some kind of support thingy which holds the ball mostly in place so it doesn't roll away on you, or should that be, roll away from under you.

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Thanks Trab,Actually, years ago I saw a bouncy beach ball in an adult supplies shop.It had an attachment that stopped the ball from, err, getting away for you, so long as the attachment didn't fall out. :smile:

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Des, you have a true gift for writing. You're stuff is wonderful.No, not that stuff. It might be, too, but methinks your wit is better. It certainly hasn't withered a bit with age.Great writing. A pleasure to read.And Trab, I've got one of those balls. I'm not sure it helps, however. I keep falling off the damned thing.C

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Cool, Cole. Now tell me, do you find that your butt has a nice 'tingly' feeling after sitting on it for a while? In fact, I've found it a bit like {blush} the feeling I get from being rimmed, just not quite as far in. OMG, I can't believe I just typed that. I should edit. But I can't. I'm getting a tingly feeling just from typing this.

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