rauch4322's Blog

So sorry to hear of your loss.

My God, as if things weren't tumultuous enough for you. First thing though, absolutely the first thing, is to recognize that YOU are okay. Well, your situation sucks wind, but you are okay. You're not hurt, not damaged, not dead. Emotionally, you're screwed up, but, no matter how painful it seems right now, it is a pain you are taking onto yourself, and not an honest, true blue pain. I hope you can see what I'm saying. Put it in perspective; you've lost a friend. You've lost someone whose company you enjoyed. You are not wounded; just hurting. It's not the same, even though right now it may seem that way.They were stupid. There's no doubt about it. There's a reason they restrict licenses for teens, and for that matter, new drivers of any age. There is so much going on, and it goes so fast, and it is so easy to be distracted for that one fraction of a second. The slower you drive, the more time you have to react, that's a given. But it's over. It's done. It's pointless to be upset with them. I think it's human nature to try to divert the sorrow into anger, into blame, but it accomplishes nothing. It is best to remember your friends as they were, happy, and not think about them as anything but accident victims. Should you go to the funeral? I think that maybe you should. It is traumatic. There will be stories about them which will make you cry. Let yourself cry. There may be stories told which celebrates something from their lives, and they may evoke a laugh. They're meant to do that. That type of story, or anecdote is intended to show how wonderful they were when still fine. It shows that they had a positive influence on those around them. It shows people care. Ultimately, mourning is a bit useless. Just moping around, being sad about things that cannot change, is a bit of a waste. Yes, you will need time to recover a bit, to realize the new reality, but you need to move on with your own challenges.Moving in with your aunt and uncle is an option. However, I think you need to really sit down honestly with them first, discuss the whole situation, and come to a mutual agreement. What you absolutely don't want to do is pit your parents against your aunt and uncle in some kind of war/fight. Getting support from one shouldn't involve hostility against the other. They need to ultimately both be in your camp. That's what you should aim for. Maybe move there, but have it be a temporary measure, in all your minds, while you get things straightened out.That's my 2 cents worth. You have my sympathy and online support. E-hug to you. Oops. Sorry. Let's try that again.

I will re-post my same comment again because the advice was still good. Before you make any life-altering decisions, take a day and think it over. You're young, your life is ahead of you, and perhaps you should consider professional help because you've got a lot to deal with and I'm not sure any one person can do that alone.

Thank you for your sympathy...I don't think that I am doing alright right now. I couldn't talk to anyone, except Matt and Ty. Some of my friends, who doesn't know Saul, keep calling me to check if I am ok. Tara came over and comfort me. What she said really comforts me a lot. I don't know what to do without her. But, I am not doing that well, so yeah. I probably wouldn't update my entries for a while because it is too hard for me to do anything.