Merkin

Interesting. So Curt's older brother is a much more complex character that an earlier writer had led us to believe... Good one, Colin. If I'm not mistaken, the first new writing you've had time to do in quite a while thanks to your Uni. Even more cause for applause! James

It just keeps getting better and better. The boys are beginning to have terrific personalities. Plus now we have a whole 'nother family to look forward to. Er, Cole, no one was invited -- and for sure no one is excluded. You are a most welcome gate crasher. (That's how I got to all my best parties, when I was a young guy like you.) James

That's absolutely... stupendous! First Trab gives life to David, and now you have given a whole new dimension to a tale that started out as a private little interaction between father and son, both somewhat two-dimensional because the crucial backstory was missing, and here you've patched the whole thing up and given it wings! I loved the part where Mary throws a hissy-fit in her fierce denial, oh so authentically, and then moves it up a notch: I don't know what's got into Jonathan, he's been behaving odd for ages. He's not the man I married and I'm thinking perhaps he's having an affair. I wish I was dead. Just wonderful. I'm so glad you took this on, Bruin. I can't wait to see if someone else out there has new layers already primed on a palette for this increasingly complex portrait of a changing family. James Merkin

Whoops. These old bones like to sleep through the North American night, and I just saw your post, Bruin. By all means have a go. Unlike Disney, these characters need no license. All are welcome to pitch in, wouldn't you agree, Trab? James (BTW the dad's name is Jonathan, if you need it)

Wow. I never had a helping of homage before. Let me tell you, it's a lot better going down than porridge! (Trab's flash is in response to my flash "Departure" posted in the previous thread: http://forums.awesomedude.com/index.php?showtopic=4338 Thank you, Trab, for your lovely backflash. You are completely in sync with what I had imagined to be in the mind of the son, David, and I think both he and his father are quite relieved at the outcome. But wait: what about Curt?... Journey, for Trab by Merkin Curt paced nervously along the curbing in front of the coffee shop. David was late and he was getting worried. When David had called earlier it was to say that he intended to tell his dad about them before leaving home, and now it was way past the time for David to pick him up. What had gone wrong? Just as Curt was about to flip open his phone to try to call, he saw the familiar car pull up. Quickly he yanked the door open, tossed his bag into the back, and slid into the passenger seat. "Trouble? I was really getting worrried." David leaned over and they kissed intensely, each communicating both relief and hunger at seeing the other. "No. It's all good, believe me. Here." David handed Curt a large paper bag. "What's this? It smells delicious." "Muffins." "Muffins? I thought we were going to have breakfast in the coffeeshop." "My dad and I made them while we talked. I told him all about you." David started the car, made a u-turn, and headed back the way he had come. "Where are we going? You're going the wrong way." "Relax," said David, "we don't have to register until late tomorrow. I'm taking you back home to stay the night." "Wha--" "Dad wants to meet you. He says if you're important enough that I can't eat breakfast with him, then he wants to cook dinner for both of us and find out for himself." ______

Thanks to all of you for your kind remarks. Writing for this audience makes it all worthwhile. Des is quite right to identify the second pivotal line as the key. It wasn't until I came up with it that I became confident this piece was a keeper. I am struck by the oblique nature of communication within many families. Clearly this father and son do not confide in one another, and it is only by creeping up on a subject that they manage to exchange information. Yet their bond is a strong one, and it has been reaffirmed in this moment -- which for many of us has figured as the crucial moment in our own relationship to our parents. James

A holiday homecoming can be over much too soon. Departure by James Merkin My son returned to his university early this morning. Awake most of the night, I had no problem getting up. I wanted to make him a good breakfast, something to hold him, but he said cereal was all he wanted, maybe some juice. He was planning to eat later, on the road with Curt; he'd be picking Curt up on the way. "Curt?" I asked. "We?re in a lot of the same classes," he said. So I offered to help pack his car and got up from the table; stacks of pancakes still steaming, ham and eggs sitting there. But he said, "Never mind, it's all done; I'm not taking much. Curt's already got all the stuff we need in the apartment." "I thought you were living in the dorm?" I said, puzzled, wondering when I'd missed hearing about that change in plans. "Oh no," he said, "it's all arranged. I moved my things before Christmas." "So Curt isn't just riding back with you; you're good friends?" "Not just friends, Dad," he said. "We're together now. He's my boyfriend." "Oh," I said. By then he had his parka on, knitted cap, gloves; I could barely see his face as he walked away. He was halfway to the car before I could speak: "Goodbye, son," I said, and he turned. "I love you, boy." Thank God he heard me. When he ran back into my arms I could see his eyes were just as wet as mine. ______

A wonderful demonstration of the old adage "different strokes for different folks." Also worth noting is how different readers approach any internet writing. I am a voracious reader, and will put almost any story I come across up on my screen. Where I go from there seems (to me) to have a lot to do with how the writer provides the story. Since most internet fiction appears to be posted serially I am stuck with reading most stories I come across intermittantly; that is, waiting for each episode or chapter to appear. I don't much like that, since my memory at my age is almost shot and I find it hard to keep up with plots and characters without having to go back into earlier chapters to remind myself of stuff. Unfortunately my only alternative is to wait a story out until it is all up and then read it -- way behind everyone else and their discussion of it. As a result I tend to only keep up with stories I like when an episode is posted frequently enough -- say once a week -- so I can maintain contact with the writing. I usually abandon stories that take long intervals between postings. The writers who earn my gratitude are those who commit to a regular, predictable, and short-span posting schedule. James

A local custom in the southeastern United States is to eat a dish of hog jowls and black-eyed peas for luck sometime during the evening. However, my mother's family swore by sauerkraut cooked with pork, while my father's forebearers sought snacks of pickled herring. Thus, any of my attempts to be both a good son and politically correct have always led to intense gastric distress. James Merkin

That's rather hard to read aloud.

Depends on who is buying. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear. -Lady Mondegreen

English 10 Part 2 The subtle triumph of Cole's narrative is that it is two stories. Just as Mark's composition is in two parts, so is this story as much about Mrs. Martinez, his teacher, as it is about Mark. Mrs. Martinez's ability to recognize Mark's potential and to draw him out -- by challenging him, frustrating him, enraging him, and most of all, by having the flexibility to give him room to attempt and then to achieve, is what makes this so much more than another tale of teenage high school angst. This teacher has seen beyond Mark's facade, as a good teacher must; she has done it before and she will go on to do it again with other students, whose lives she also will repair. These are the teachers we remember in our own lives, for they are the ones who make all the difference. Thank you, Cole. You must have had some dynamite teachers of your own. James

What I love about this story are the layers of discovery Mark encounters through his writing along the way. Each layer he uncovers gives him something new to know about himself, and by the end of this brilliant tale he is able to see himself clearly as a more fully realized, more rounded human being than he had believed himself to be. He is not the person he (and we) thought he was at the outset: we learn along with him that it is all too easy for a young person to accept and act upon a stereotype of oneself. Wonderful concept wonderfully executed, Cole. James

Here's one in honor of Mike Arram's wonderful saga: There was a young lad from Rothenia Who confessed to a certain sex mania; "Aha!" cried the king "I know just the thing... "Send him on to the boys in Albania!"

Well, I'm just gobsmacked. I never thought I was in the running for a DesDownUnder Award, and I'm tremendously touched by it. Thank you Des, and to all of you who see beneath the surface. I'm a bit speechless at the moment. James

Surface Tension by Merkin His path to grace won't be his face, I fear; No noble brow nor Roman prow lives there, And while his ears would sooner suit a jug At least they match, and balance out his mug. What hair's his own, while fair, so lank and thin It fails to hide the shine, or mask his chin; A pity since his jaw needs much more thrust To help his smile, spread 'cross his dial, win trust. His specs so dense I can't make sense, you see, Where he is aimed -- I must suppose it's me. I'm puzzled why he'd catch my eye; you'd think I'd spurn away his offer of a drink... Yet, what you see is never what you get: Turned out to be the finest man I've met! I took a chance and put aside my pride; Looked past his face -- and saw the grace inside.

May every season be sufficient reason for peace on earth good will toward all James Merkin

Just about everything of yours I've read is worth publication, Bruin. Congratulations. To think we knew him when he was just a cub! James

Sad to say, not the beginning of the end. That beginning occurred quite some time ago. Early on the American motion picture industry was saddled with a similar oversight body, with the authority to censor film productions prior to release according to a strict Production Code. Perhaps some of its strictures may be of interest (Wiki source). 'The Production Code enumerated three "General Principles" as follows: 1. No picture shall be produced that will lower the moral standards of those who see it. Hence the sympathy of the audience should never be thrown to the side of crime, wrongdoing, evil or sin. 2. Correct standards of life, subject only to the requirements of drama and entertainment, shall be presented. 3. Law, natural or human, shall not be ridiculed, nor shall sympathy be created for its violation. Specific restrictions were spelled out as "ParticularApplications" of these principles: Nakedness and suggestive dances were prohibited. The ridicule of religion was forbidden, and ministers of religion were not to be represented as comic characters or villains. The depiction of illegal drug use was forbidden, as well as the use of liquor, "when not required by the plot or for proper characterization". Methods of crime (e.g. safe-cracking, arson, smuggling) were not to be explicitly presented. References to alleged sex perversion (such as homosexuality) and venereal disease were forbidden, as were depictions of childbirth. The language section banned various words and phrases that were considered to be offensive. Murder scenes had to be filmed in a way that would discourage imitations in real life, and brutal killings could not be shown in detail. "Revenge in modern times" was not to be justified. The sanctity of marriage and the home had to be upheld. "Pictures shall not imply that low forms of sex relationship are the accepted or common thing". Adultery and illicit sex, although recognized as sometimes necessary to the plot, could not be explicit or justified and were not supposed to be presented as an attractive option. Portrayals of miscegenation were forbidden. "Scenes of Passion" were not to be introduced when not essential to the plot. "Excessive and lustful kissing" was to be avoided, along with any other treatment that might "stimulate the lower and baser element". The flag of the United States was to be treated respectfully, and the people and history of other nations were to be presented "fairly". The treatment of "Vulgarity", defined as "low, disgusting, unpleasant, though not necessarily evil, subjects" must be "subject to the dictates of good taste". Capital punishment, "third-degree methods", cruelty to children, animals, prostitution and surgical operations were to be handled with similar sensitivity.' Proving, I suppose, that the right to "improve" our fellow man trumps all other rights. James

Predictable or not, it is very special. A life lesson well worth learning. Thanks, Des James

Thanks to all of you. Indeed you did comment, Bruin, but in another venue. However I am just as grateful for your words now as then. That was you, Des. You were very charming. Are you still wearing them? Thank you for your recent comments, SmallTownBoy. Don't take the banter here too seriously. James Merkin

On a smaller scale, but posing a larger problem for me, is reading dialogue without tag lines. Two person conversational dialogue is very common in fiction, and I often find myself scratching my head halfway down a page of it and then counting back to see if I can figure out who actually was the speaker of a given line when tag lines (attribution) is left off or rarely given. I know that many writers dislike the overuse of 'he said' but a good writer should be able to sense that his reader may go astray and lose understanding unless a tag line is inserted here and there. James

Count me in on that. I'm the bloke in the car ahead of you who is still using hand signals for turns... James

I suppose what's left for us is to become historians...

An exquisite dilemma. As the author you may have had a solid plan for how the story was going to end, and you may have settled on that before you began to write. But the real difficulty, I believe, is dealing with how the narrative then played out, and how the characters -- now real people -- are going to end up. Good luck with that! James Merkin