captainrick

October 10, 2008 Well, heh, obviously I?m not a big blogger since I haven?t posted anything since LAST summer. I guess I was waiting to see just what other weird turns my life would take, and I was sure I would have started another story by now, but it just wasn?t to be. Where to start? Hmmm, well, I?m still married and we?re still dealing with the obvious problems that a mixed orientation marriage can cause. I?m okay with that for now. But so much more has happened. I did get a new job last September that I really do like. I?m back in government service so the hours are regular and the caseload tolerable. Plus it has decent benefits which is a good thing, cuz where I?m headed next is well.. I guess the shocker of this blog. I started getting sick back around last thanksgiving. You know, fever, sore throat, swollen tonsils, etc. etc. I went to my doctor but he had been reassigned and was handed off to a nurse practitioner who got me some antibiotics and referred me to an ENT doctor who was convinced it was pharengitis (bad tonsils) and wrote me another scrip and that was that. Well I seemed to get some better, then the whole process started over again in February. Went back to the ENT doc and he said the same thing, gave me another scrip with a warning that we may have to remove my tonsils. I personally prefer all my body parts where they are thank you very much? Anyway, I seemed to get better again till late April then I started running fever again, usually just at night after I got home from work and was usually mild, just a degree or so. Then, it became every night and sometimes during the day. I had no absolutely no energy, and finally Suz (wife) made me find a doctor. I finally got through to this Doctor I know through our church and some mutual friends and he worked me in. He examined me, took some blood and sent me home with instructions to call him if I got any worse. I did, and I did. My fever started spiking over 102 and when I got him on the phone he said some of labs were back and my white counts and platelets were really low and I needed to be in the hospital right away. By then it was the first week of June. I spent a week in the hospital being poked, prodded, CT scanned, and tested. They tested for West Nile, meningitis, everything. Then there were bone marrow tests (ouchy), etc. The doctor had prepared me for a diagnosis of lymphoma or leukemia. I was getting pretty depressed at this point. Then one day he came in and asked, ?Have you ever been tested for HIV?? ?No.? ?Well, the quick test came back positive. We have to do a more definitive test to be sure.? I was like ?WHAT!!!!? Well the ?more definitive tests? were more than positive, they were devastating. I had an extremely high viral load count and a very low CD4 (t-cell) count -- about as bad as it could be. Technically, under the CDC guidelines set back in 1993 before modern therapies, I was in full blown AIDS, but I hadn?t had any of the ?opportunistic infections.? No. I do not know how I got it. Yes I have had male-male sexual contact but I was ALWAYS careful. The docs say based on my labs I probably had been infected for 8-10 years which means it could very well have happened during a surgery I had back in 1999. No. Suz is not infected thank God. The only thing we can figure there is that we know she is descended from northern Europeans on both sides of her family and there has recently been identified genetic mutations of many northern Europeans and their descendants that makes them either highly resistant or even immune to this thing. Well, that?s the theory we?re traveling under at this point anyway. Insurance won?t pay for her genetic testing. The important thing is she?s clear. I was started on one of the latest drug therapies out there. It?s actually three different antiretroviral drugs in one pill that I take once a day at bedtime. I also take antibiotics to prevent certain infections, but I was feeling much better within days of starting the drug therapy. That?s where what I said about my benefits earlier being so important. The HIV drug costs $1,200.00/mo. Yes, One Thousand Two Hundred Dollars for 30 pills. My insurance is covering it except for my $25 co-pay. Now, my viral load is basically undetectable, but my CD4 count is still critically low, meaning I am still at risk for about any type of infection, but I have also gained back over 15 pounds of weight I had lost. Yes, HIV wasting had already begun, as had the diarrhea, night sweats, and other HIV symptoms which are now thankfully all gone. I?m not writing this because I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I?m not using it as an excuse as to why I haven?t been writing. I?m doing it because I want everyone to know YOU ARE AT RISK. I never got tested because I never saw the need. I still wouldn?t have had I not gotten sick. By then it was almost too late. Please, everyone reading this, don?t send me sympathy notes or anything. If you want to make me feel better, tell me you have gone to get tested or will go get tested. Next Blog: My finally ?coming out? to some friends. Hugs all, Rick

A Great Father?s Day, Well that?s how it ended up. It certainly didn?t start out that way earlier in the weekend. You see, my son has been off at University for almost 3 years now. He?s working a full time job now too that he really enjoys, so he hardly ever comes home. In fact, the last time he was home was just for one day over Easter. I hadn?t seen him since, and was quite anxious to spend some time with him when he announced his upcoming Father?s Day visit over a week ago. Of course he is unaware of the problems my wife and I are dealing with right now (see blog entry number 1) and we agreed that there is no need to drag him into the middle of all this till we know ourselves how we are going to deal with it. We both agreed, when the time is right, that I will be the one to talk to him. Anyhow, I was quite excited about spending some time with him. On Thursday, though he called to say it would be Saturday afternoon before he could make it as he was doing a special project for his boss. I already knew from an earlier call, that he was bring his room mate with him to go to a concert that evening. Well, he finally showed up just in time for supper. I had grilled some burgers and they were quickly devoured just in time for them to again leave for the concert, promising to return early so we could have some time to sit and talk. Well, early became quite late, and they still hadn?t showed up. He called and said they would be later than planned as something had come up with no other real explanation, I threw a selfish tantrum, because now I thought I wasn?t getting my time I had so been wanting. I fired off a really mean text message to him that I now seriously regret, and went to bed. The next morning I learned that they had hooked up with some current college and old high school friends, and one of them had gotten stranded and they waited with her till her Mom could pick her up. I felt like crap, and I apologized. Then he goes to the car and gets gifts, he had bought my wife a little something, some scented candle things he knows she loves, then he whips out my Father?s Day gift. He bought me an Ipod Nano! With his own money! I almost fainted. I told him to take it back, but he absolutely refused, and before I knew it, he had it hooked up to my puter and was putting in several gigs of music files he brought with him. So not only did I get the Ipod, he even brought the music! After that, we spent the day on the boat. His room mate left that morning after they rode the jet ski for a while, as he had to go back to work, and then we took the boat out for a while and anchored out on the lake. Yes, the wife was there and we had a really nice ?family day? without a hint of ?issues?. After we got back to the dock though, the wife decided to go on back to the house to start on the weekend?s laundry and Alex and I spent the rest of the night on the boat, just us guys, some beer, and a great time. It was a wonderful day!

Okay kiddos, it?s cleansing and confession time for the ole Cap?n. Growing up in small town Mississippi, (my young friend and fellow author, Razor, and I share the same crappy hometown) the last thing anyone young man in the late 70?s early 80?s wanted to be in that town was gay. Besides the ostracism, teasing, verbal abuse, etc., there was also the threat of physical violence. I was the victim of such (queer) rumors, and everything that went with it when I was in high school. Deep down though, I knew the rumors were true. By the time I was in college, I was determined to do everything in my power to be the perfect straight guy. Although I wasn?t good in sports, I never missed an event. I started dating, joined a fraternity and social clubs. I was living the model life of a straight guy. By the time I was 19 I had met the girl I would eventually marry. We did, and I finished college and even worked my way through law school. We had a wonderful son who is now grown and in college himself. I have never slept with another woman (or man) all these years. Throughout my marriage, though, my ?urges? never ceased. I have struggled with them for over twenty years. I would satisfy those urges with porn, and my fantasies when I was alone. The internet opened a whole new world and the porn was readily available on demand. A few years ago I discovered Nifty which eventually led me to GA, Awesomedude, and other great sites. After reading some of the great authors like Dom, Vance, Graeme, Lugh, Little Buddha, and others, I became convinced that maybe I could write a little story myself that someone might like to read. After all, I minored in English. So I started to write. That was not quite a year ago. It was the most complete and awesome way for me to deal with my sexuality that I had found. It was therapy for me. The writing, and the way I was accepted into the community of these websites by readers, and fellow authors has had a tremendous effect on me. Now for the confession part, several years ago my wife found a gay porno tape and confronted me. I lied and said it was a gag, and I was just curious so I watched it. ? I lied. I was lying as much to myself as to her. There were a couple of more confrontations when she thought she found something suspicious, (but were actually quite innocent) to which I again denied my true sexuality. Well, this week, I let her use my laptop to check and send some emails. My laptop is where Captain Rick and my stories live, and where I keep files of things other authors have sent me to read, or whatever. She found them. This time, I was tired of lying. Maybe it was the empowerment I felt from all of my net friends I have made here and at other sites, maybe I was just tired of lying to her and myself. I told her the truth. It can?t be easy to find out that the person you?ve been married to for almost twenty-five years is gay. It hurts me horribly to see her hurting. But on the flip side, it?s taken me almost that long to admit it to myself. My heart is breaking over this as I would never EVER hurt her on purpose. Since she?s suspected for years, she?s taking it surprisingly well. We are talking, and are still living together, but I don?t know if we can save our marriage or not. Time, compromise, and hard work will tell. Graeme, Altimexis, and others who have been through this have been incredibly supportive. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. My biggest fear? This may sound incredibly selfish, but I fear being alone. I have no brothers or sisters, and my parents are both deceased. What little family I do have left are scattered, and I rarely if ever see them. I?ve NEVER been truly alone. It scares the pure hell out of me. Why am I writing this? The Captain has been a bit of an enigma. If I can come out to my wife, I can be honest here. It?s way past time. Hugs everyone, Rick

Ann Coulter .... need I say more, .... http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=2922565 Controversial columnist draws fire for gay slur Reuters WASHINGTON - Outspoken U.S. conservative columnist Ann Coulter is drawing fire from Republicans and Democrats alike after publicly using a derogatory gay slur in reference to Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards. "Ann Coulter not only once again went out of her way to use a nasty epithet, she pushed her offensiveness up a notch," Amy Ridenour, president of the National Center for Public Policy Research, said on Sunday. Coulter made the comments on Friday during a speech at the influential American Conservative Union's Political Action Conference, calling Edwards a "faggot." "We conservatives have enough trouble overcoming the false things that are said about us without paying for a platform upon which we shoot ourselves annually in the foot," Ridenour, whose group helped sponsor the conference, said in a statement on the center's Web site. Coulter said the comment was a joke and on her Web site she carried the speech with the comment, "I'm so ashamed, I can't stop laughing." She then said Edwards' campaign chairman's main job was "fronting for Arab terrorists." Edwards, a 2008 presidential contender and the party's 2004 vice presidential candidate, said Coulter's comments were "un-American and indefensible." "The kind of hateful language she used has no place in political debate or our society at large," he wrote in comments posted to his Web site on Saturday. "I believe it is our moral responsibility to speak out against that kind of bigotry and prejudice every time we encounter it," Edwards added. The candidate also posted a video of Coulter's comments, asking supporters to raise $100,000 in so-called "Coulter Cash" for his campaign to "fight back against the politics of bigotry." Coulter's Friday speech raised objections from Republican presidential hopefuls Sen. John McCain of Arizona, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney and former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani as well as Democrats. In a statement on Sunday, Romney spokesman Kevin Madden said, "It was an offensive remark. Political discourse ought to be more substantive and thoughtful." McCain, the only contender who did not attend the event, and Giuliani called Coulter's words inappropriate, according to the New York Times. "Ann Coulter's words of hate have no place in the public sphere much less our political discourse," Democratic Sen. Edward Kennedy of Massachusetts said in a statement released on Saturday. Several conservatives were also quick to denounce Coulter's comments in a variety of online columns. Coulter is no stranger to controversy. At the same conference last year, she used the word "raghead" -- a slur against Muslims -- in referring to U.S. homeland security policies. In a column published in the National Review after the September 11 attacks she urged an invasion of Muslim countries and forced conversion to Christianity. Copyright 2007 Reuters News Service. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Copyright ? 2007 ABC News Internet Ventures

Omigod, that was funny. :omg: Way to go Mr. Sulu. :cat: Hugs all, Rick

I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story. Cole did a great job of potraying two boys getting to know each other and falling in love amongst the anxiety of gay issues. I won't say more for fear of spoilers, but it is so worth the read. Thanks Cole! Rick

This story was too good not to post. Man, this would make an awesome story or book http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/wo...headlines-world

OMFG! James this is the most hilarious thread I've seen in some time. Your are absolutely evil! You're my new hero Rick

Okay, I HATE to double post, but as innovative as Chapter 9 was with the sound byte thing in the last chapter, I wanted to make a statement about hate crimes in this one. I hope we picked up on it. Anyhow, as usual, let me know what you think about the chapter. Thanks Rick D.

Des, do you know how many guys would kill to have your "predicament"? Damn! Rick

I love it! In all seriousness, you can be listed on the National Don't Call List. Here is the website: https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx Many states, including mine, have one of their own. I'm on both, and it seems to be pretty effective. Now if they would just do one for those nasty bill collecters Anyhow just thought I'd add that in. Happy Holidays everyone and hope everyone's New Year starts off GREAT! Rick D.

Umm, Des, I hope you ain't lookin' for sympathy cuz . . . well, umm, YOU AIN'T GETTIN ANY! I have to agree with Dark on this one. I got up to almost 230 (I'm 5'11") about a year or so ago and now back to 165. I survive off of 1500-1800 calories a day to maintain it. (Low metabolic rate) plus 2hours of exercises at least 3 times a week, and I too don't think I look thin at all. (God I miss Burger King) Anyhow, you're probably a really nice guy, Des, but I think I'm very envious as well. Take care, Rick

Mea Culpa, MANY MANY thanks to the Dude. Rick

Chapter 9 is up! A day late, but hey, it's the Holidays. Actually the delay was caused by yours truly trying to get the great folks here to help with something special on this chapter. About midway through the Chapter, Jonah is singing a song. TR and company added a button at the beginning of the song to play an MP3 of the original artist doing the actual song. It's SO COOL! Anyhow I sent the audio file I had, but it was in the wrong format. (I'm so techi-no-logically deficient! ) After a mad scramble to find a converter software app. and several aborted tries at this thing I finally got something useable around midnight last night. WHEW! Thanks for your patience TR! and hugs for everyone. post replies to this thread to let me know what you think. Thanks, Rick D.

I don't remember the site where I found mine. I just did a google images search for pirate captain and "voila" I use it at a number of sites. I've gotten the question so many times -- Yes I do have a boat, and I do stay on it quite a bit, mostly weekends or when the mood hits. Rick

Thank Guys! Yeah, there's a lot of sex in these first few chapters, but it's kinda the point of this part of the story. Both these kids fall deeply in love and express it physically. It's bonding time, and after all, it is first and foremost a love story. It's a love story between two deeply closeted gay teen boys and the problems and challenges that presents. Many twists and turns are ahead for these two though. That's all I'm gonna say. Thanks for reading guys. I really appreciate the comments. Rick

Things are getting hotter! Let me know what you guys think. Thanks for reading, Rick

WAAYYYY cute! I luv it! Rick

Yeah, right! -- Asshole.

Don't give up Kurt. You have potential. The number 1 thing is the Desire to write, and you obviously have that. I liked the premise, but I agree with the other posters on this entry. Keep trying! Hugs, Rick D.

C'mon guys, I really need some feedback here! Good, bad, ugly, let me know. Please, huh, pretty please? Thanks, Rick D.

Hi guys and gals, I'm really excited about my very first ever story being on AwesomeDude! Chapter 3 was posted today, and yeah, it ends with a cliffhanger, I'll go ahead and warn you, several more cliffhangers will follow in subsequent chapters. As TR has already mentioned in another thread, this is only the first book of this series and it is complete (except for editing). Book I of Sky's the Limit is a story about a boy, Jonah, his first love, coming out, (albeit finally somewhat involuntairly and traumatically) and then the tragic aftermath that follows. The flashforward thing at the beginning of Chapter 1 IS NOT the end of the story, but rather the beginning of Book 2 where the storylines of these 2 characters divide. There is ALOT more happening to Jonah in this story after those events transpire to be told first. I know all that sounds complicated, but if I say more, it will be a spoiler. I must admit, that when I started this story, I intended it to be a short little falling in love, coming out, and lives happily ever after sort of thing. It just didn't quite turn out that way, at least not in the classical sense. Besides the fact that Book I alone is twenty seven chapters, The plot twisted to a point that was just not what I started to write, but something I enjoyed so much more than my original idea that I just went with it. I also got a chance to express a few opinions or teach a few lessons [i hope] which I am also enjoying. I hope y'all enjoy the story, but I have one request. Please post feedback here. Good, bad, criticism, suggestions, whatever -- I just like to know what you guys think. If you would prefer, e-mail me at captainrick46@yahoo.com . Rick D. (aka CaptainRick)

Graeme, If you haven't read Vance's latest, you really should. This one is a VERY tough read for the first few chapters. Horrible, Godawful abuse inflicted on the main character. The last few chapters have been adorable. Give ya that warm fuzzy feeling. Rick

A syndicated columnist with the Boston Globe penned an article recently using the Ted Haggard situation to address organized religions' attitudes toward gays. I think it's Germain to this discussion, but could also be posted in the other thread about the Ted Haggard thing. Anyhow, here it is. This was from the ContraCosta Times. http://www.contracostatimes.com/mld/cctime...ts/16065345.htm Thing is, I think the gay movement has come a very long way in the last ten years. South Africa's highest court just last week compelled that country's legislature to join the growing list of now five nations that recognize gay marriage on national level to the chagrin of many of that country's religious leaders. These are very exciting times. Hugs, Rick D

TR and James Having shared the same intolerance as James here in Mississippi in the 70's and 80's growing up here in the Bible belt of Mississippi, I can certainly understand his vitriolic response. In fact, to some great extent I share it. Payback's just hell, but if I stoop to the same level of judging his hypocricy, as his judgmental attitude of our sexuality, do I not become as bad as he? The "reparative therapy" as it is called to which he has submitted himself, is simply more of the same vicious attack on homosexuality as his sermons. It is not an indicaton that he has any way admitted to his hypocricy or accepted that homosexuality is in any way compatible with his version of Christianity. He is still living out his little lie, worse, these people keep trying to impose the little lie on others, including our children who are forced into these programs by parents who refuse to accept what their children already know. Please see the garbage spewed by one of the leaders of the ex-gay ministry known as Exodus at this link http://www.loveinaction.org/default2.aspx?pid=62 Therefore, until this SOB truly sees the error of his ways, and accepts that his own sexuality is not "a choice" any more than the fact that being left-handed, or caucasion, or blue eyed, etc. is a choice, then excuse the hell outta me if I show little empathy or sympathy, and I will NOT be writing him a letter of support. Rick