/e
Boadiceas stares at you with disapproval
/s
"Who's life are you calling stupid, pal? You may think it's 'just a game' but it's my life.
/rude
Yes, I know the addiction. It's like living in an interactive novel...very, very seductive for those of us who like to make up our own worlds and characters.
The only criticism I would make is a content problem, and nothing to do with grammar or first and third person or any of that. All that stuff can be fixed relatively easily. The problem that I see is that while the prose is lovely, the piece you've given us is more like an outline of a story than an actual story. There's a couple minutes of showing the scene in the beginning of the piece, and then you go to telling us about what the guy is feeling and thinking. I think there are two problems with this: one, you don't have much of anywhere left to go, since you've already explained the story. and two, we miss the 'unfolding' of the story as it is revealed by what the character does and in slow degrees we start to really get what is going on. I think you said this was chapter one of a novel, right? So you have room enough and time to really show us what kind of guy this person is by how he lives his days, where he goes and what he thinks as he's fixing his meals to eat next to his keyboard...well, you see what I mean.
You have a knack for beautiful language. It's clear that you have the poet's love for the feel of good language on your tongue, so you've a whole lot of what it takes to be a writer. keep going on this - I believe it's got the bones of an excellent story.
cheers!
aj