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When You're 70+

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(some of the jokes that old, also)



I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.  This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?




I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." 

Lady Clerk:  "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?” 

I said "Nah... She's purty good  lookin'....." 

When you’re seventy..............who cares?




I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.  She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.” 

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.” 

Cost me a fat lip, but... 

When you’re seventy..............who cares?




I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. 

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try." 

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" 

I said, "Yesterday." 

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... 

 When you’re seventy...............who cares?




I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. 

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. 

 When you’re seventy...............who cares?




I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. 

I said, "Good legs." 

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?" 

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." 

Cost me 6 more stitches, but... 

When you’re seventy...............who cares?


"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember

We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"

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