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Tom, a collector of Victoriana, was looking for the sheet music to an old Victorian Parlour song to fill a hole in his collection. It was proving difficult to find, and he wasn't particularly hopeful when he asked at the counter of yet another music store: "Do you have, or can you get for me, the sheet music: 'Could I but express in song'?"

On this occasion the assistant looked puzzled for a moment, and then went to his computer screen to check the stock list. He returned shaking his head and Tom knew he was out of luck. The assistant said: "I'm sorry, sir. Actually we do have quite a lot of music by the Hungarian composer Zoltan Kodaly, but we don't seem to be able to trace the Kodaly Buttocks Pressing Song!"

Bruin in mischievous mood

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Q: What do you call a bear with a banana stuck in each ear?

A: Call him what you like, he can't hear you!

I never learned to play the liar, but I once tried the harp...


Neither did I, so I took up the flute.

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