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I go out into the bright spring sun and see shining faces smiling.

The sun is warm, the chill is gone and gray winter is dying.

Today, things just aren?t the same.

Today, things are rearranged.

Today, someone asked my name.

Today, I don?t feel the shame.

Yesterday I was in the grasp of winters deadly chill,

Feeling lonely, broken, hopeless and over the hill,

Hurting from wounds of long ago,

Bleeding from scars that don?t show.

Wanting to forget my name.

Wishing that things could change.

Living in my yesterdays is something I can?t do,

I?ve died enough already from all I?ve been through.

Somehow, I have to find a way

To make the poison go away

To stay out of yesterday

And live a new life for today.

Today, things just aren?t the same.

Today, things are rearranged.

Today, someone asked my name.

Today, I don?t feel the shame.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've had those feelings, the bad and the good, a few times too. The details differ but the feelings are much the same.

I'm kinda ready for some good days too. The days recently have been trying, although not the worst, so some good days would be nice and appreciated.

Hmm, I've gotta find a way to work around the stuff that's been contributing to the not-so-good days, at least what I can change. For one, gotta find some time to get out and make some new friends, especially to figure out how the gay part of me fits with the rest of me, and have in-person gay friendships. Gotta work on finding Mr. Right. I hope he's still looking, or if he isn't, that we bump into each other anyway.

Hmm, now how did this turn into an egocentric post? Dang, promised myself not to do that. Got to get out of that rut too. Grrr. :: aggravated at self ::


I liked the poem, James. I know it's been up a while. I first saw it when I didn't have a chance to comment.

It seems there are a lot of ppl around this old mudball of a planet who feel the same way, whatever is in their lives.

Note: At least you -care- about it. The ones who no longer care... that's more of a problem. It then becomes an issue of how to get them to care again. At least some can.

Good to have you here. Hope you have lots of great days to heal the old stuff.

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