Shallow!

[blue]

OK, so, I checked Amazon and found myself looking at books. Not that I need any to read or could afford any, of course, but there I was. Of course, Amazon wanted to recommend things to me. It recommended more than one gay book. Hmm, how did that happen? (Gee, I could potentially have some 'splainin' to do, if anybody who didn't know were to see that. Could be awkward. But oh well. So I digress.

I looked at two or three that might be so-so. That one might be. Hmm, well, it sounds so-so too. I am really picky or really motivated lately. Dunno what it is. Uh, but that one...gee, could I just have the guy on the cover? He sure is cute, (1) standing there in just that little towel. (2) Um....

Yes, I would like to say that I'm above such things. I mean, that they're beneath me. Wait, uh.... (3)

No, I am a shallow, shallow guy, wishing that cute, twenty-something (4) guy wanted to be with me. What fools we mortals be.

No, I didn't actually get the book. I may be shallow at the moment, but I still have my grip on reality. (5) hush up, I heard that!

Yes, I'm also aware my subconscious is working overtime on the innuendo. My subconscious needs a boyfriend even more than the rest of me, and that's saying something!

Yes, it's really too bad when a guy has the hots for a book cover.

Yes, it's ubusual for me to admit I'm anything but squeaky clean. Deal with it, a'right?

Footnotes:

0. No, ordinarily, feet don't do it for me. Just if you were wondering.

1. I didn't dare think of a guy as "cute" until I had come out. He could be good looking or handsome, but if he was anywhere over a certain age, especially my age, and then anywhere over 18, he couldn't be "cute." I was afraid someone would hassle me or they wouldn't like it, or that they'd think I was. Gay. Never occurred to me that some of them might not mind, or some might *like* it (or me). Some of us are slow....

2. Book covers with guys who are uncovered. What is it with these people? They think a gig needs to be, has to be, shirtless or more, to sell me a gay story? Uh, can't it be just as gay, or just as good a story and gay or whatever, with, you know, people wearing clothes? OK, I know, straight romance novels have hunky guys and gorgeous girls mostly earing not much, but c'mon. And does every gay-friendly novel (with rare exceptions) have to be a pulp romance or only sex? C'mon! What if I want, I don't know, more than just the laws of bodies in motion, here? I mean, I may not be the most experienced guy on the planet, but I have figured out pretty much what it does and where it can go and all. I just need a chance to find a guy who actually might want to test all that out, and still like me, enough to stay through all the unsexy parts, like breakfast or cleaning the cats' litterbox.

3. My subconscious won't let me get by without a sexual innuendo giggle that reveals something inadvertently. Or that sounds less mature than some kid who just found out he's got one and it works. But for the record, I think I'm in the, "don't do anything you wouldn't do yourself, share and share alike" category, otherwise known as, if he gets brave enough to try that, he might like being pitcher and catcher. Maybe. Dunno. Yeah, I just said TMI.

4. Twenty-something. I think. I'm not sure there was room for his ID under that towel. It was an ebook on sale at Amazon, OK? Don't wrinkle your nose. He was nice!

5. A grip on reality. What did you think I said? Your subconscious is weird, d'you know that? I heard you snicker back there.

6. OK, the footnotes, not as funny as I thought, huh? What's worse, you reading them or me writing them?

So.... OK, SO I'm just shallow and in need of a relationship and prone to innuendo. And apparently, that guy on the book cover is my type. One of 'em, anyway. (7)

7. Pretty sure my real type is more about general cute/sweet/nice as much as, good at stuff I can't do to save my life, and pays his bills and isn't some creep disaster. Uh, yes, there are some physical criteria, but there's a lot of leeway there.

[blue]

Probably the first time I've admitted my baser instincts not only exist, but are more active than I usually admit, even to myself.

Probably one of the few times I've admitted I've seen any pictures and liked them. Hey, I'm human, OK? I've looked.

Does anybody else ever have this issue of long a photo for a book cover?

How about wishing every cover didn't have to be Nellie, as scenic as that might be.

I don't suppose he makes house calls? -- haha, if some guy showed up on my doorstep wearing only a towel, I wouldn't know which end was up or what to do next.

[Trab]

Ask him if he wants to use your shower. If you think it is bad getting a bit excited about a semi-clad hunka-hunka, think how I felt when I realized I was getting all 'frisky' over an anime drawing. Damn but those artists are good.

[Bruin Fisher]

One of the things that makes Awesomedude wonderful - is a thread like this. Thank you, Blue, for a wonderful pair of posts.

I dont' think you have anything at all to be ashamed of - in the same way that your coming out gave you liberty to consider a man to be cute, you also have liberty to notice a man and be attracted to him, even if he's only an image on a book jacket. So go ahead, fantasise about him if you like. Let's face it, that's why he's there!

I attended a conference a few months ago for writers in the m/m romance field. About fifty authors took part, almost all established, published authors, and there were a couple of publishers represented too. I asked the question 'why is there always a half-naked man on the cover?' and the consensus answer was that such images help to sell the book, and by and large the authors don't mind. Often the author doesn't get much say in what appears on their covers, and sometimes an author objects, particularly when he's written a period piece and the cover illustration is anachronistic, but beautiful male torsos are generally thought to be a good thing. Which told me, because I thought it was tacky.

[blue]

Aarrgh. I have got to watch what my mobile gadget's spellchecker is doing to my spelling...or turn off its idiot spellchecker.

this issue of long a photo for a book cover?

should be:

liking a photo or a book cover?

to be Nellie,

should be:

to be nekkid, (sic)

(And yes, I intentionally misspelled naked as nekkid.)

Uh, I don't think I've ever said "Nellie" in that derogatory sense, ever. -- Just because I had (or have) hangups about my orientation (dude, he likes dudes!) doesn't mean I'd intentionally insult somebody else. Besides, I'm somewhere in the middle, not the most macho, butch, straight-acting guy on the planet (lol) and not the most fem guy either. Apparently, some people can tell (or guess) and some can't. OK, technically, some don't want to see that about me. But no, it's not entirely obvious and not entirely not obvious. Yes, that's as clear as thick mud, isn't it? :)