How many more suicides....?

[Chris James]

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2012/04/anti-lgbt-bullying-contributes-to-suicide-by-maryland-teen/

All I can say is I know that school, I lived in that county for several years. Maryland pretends to be such an enlightened state, but they are not. And on behalf of the MPAA I just want to say "FUCK!"

[Chris James]

http://www.aacps.org...h/OldmillHs.pdf

I just emailed the principal to tell him he needs to read this document (again?) and then get off his ass.

[blue]

One of the problems of bullying and of suicide is that that a kid may carry these feelings around inside, a big ugly blob of despair, and one time they may be OK, another time, they are not OK and need help, and another time, they may be on the edge of the abyss and ready to give up, and then they may (or may not) be...passably OK...another time. When all that is rolling around inside, it's hard even for the kid to know how he himself feels. For anyone else to guess how to handle it is really hard. That is especially true if, as is often the case, the kid tries hard to be OK, act like everything's fine, when it may or may not be fine at all. When and how to help, when to apply pressure and when to ease off, are difficult to know, even for those closest to the kid in question. I'm not trying to make excuses for people, be an apologist. I'm just saying it's not easy to judge. Another one of the hard things is, the kid may not know how to reach for that help or who to trust, to open up and talk to. Besides that, friends and family may have some idea something's up, but they may have little idea how to really reach in and help in a lasting way. It is usually an ongoing thing, a problem that's been around a long time. Even so -- It's really important not only to say you are there and will love someone no matter what it is, but to actually mean that and to be there to listen unconditionally and not judgmentally. In my case, I grew up hearing that my parents loved me no matter what and I could talk to them about anything, but the message I got was, "anything but *that*" (about being gay, liking other boys, or a very few other topics) whether that was them or me interpreting those signals. In their defense, my parents were otherwise mostly good parents who did love me like they said, and I was a very sensitive kid and teen. Time, though, hasn't changed my opinion about how they would've handled it. That is a real issue kids have to deal with: Who to trust, who will listen, who can they open up to without it getting worse than it is? And yet, they absolutely need someone they can let go and open up to.

That said, I think it's important for any friend or family member (all of us) to be approachable, to be the kind who will listen without judging, when someone needs it. It could save a life. It could at least make a life better. That affects more than that one life; it affects everyone around that one life.

[colinian]

Kids have a very short POV of the world, somewhere around a week. While teens have a longer POV it's still, by comparison to the POV of adults, extremely short, somewhere around a couple months. That's what makes teens who are accused (rightly or wrongly) of being gay and as a result are bullied and ostracized and they feel isolated and they can't see any way out. "It gets better" is great but for one of those teens who can't see any way out that's like forever and not something that will help them now. What they need is one or more peers who can be their friends, and building that knd of team of friends is a big job for any middle school and high school. But it's a job that's worthwhile, something that I think is needed in every middle and high school.

Colin

[Cole Parker]

Colin's nailed it. Having friends to talk to and who are supportive is the most critical element for a kid to be happy and safe in school. Without that network. . . .

C

[DesDownunder]

Kids have a very short POV of the world, somewhere around a week. While teens have a longer POV it's still, by comparison to the POV of adults, extremely short, somewhere around a couple months. That's what makes teens who are accused (rightly or wrongly) of being gay and as a result are bullied and ostracized and they feel isolated and they can't see any way out. "It gets better" is great but for one of those teens who can't see any way out that's like forever and not something that will help them now. What they need is one or more peers who can be their friends, and building that knd of team of friends is a big job for any middle school and high school. But it's a job that's worthwhile, something that I think is needed in every middle and high school.

Colin

I don't think that POV is as short or as limited as the statement implies, Colin. I do think we live in cultures that do not encourage an expansion of consciousness beyond the elemental, in children, under the guise of protection from danger.

When we see the results of children who have been exposed to encouragement of awareness and skills development, we do seem to find kids with POVs beyond what the 'rule books' suggest.

The idea of peer level friendships is fine, but such friendships are fraught with dangers of naivety being abused by peer groups which degenerate into becoming bullies.

The damage done to a child who trusts 'friends' who take advantage of him or her, can be quite severe.

This is why schools need to teach that bullying is wrong and, why. If however the anti-bullying lesson is used as a means to threaten children to conform to a set of rules, we are likely to find that the bullying becomes institutionalised in the school, and we have seen some of these types of enforced protocols in indoctrinated 'team-sports-mentality' and anti-gay attitudes in certain school districts.

[Chris James]

I am so stunned when I read these stories that I can't help sharing them with you:

http://www.lgbtqnati...-threats-video/

In the video of the news cast, Kenneth's mother wonders about holding kids responsible for her son's death and then says she doesn't want to ruin the lives of other families (not an exact quote). I believe the school held some kind of inquiry about the bullying and the death threats, but it seems no action was taken. I see a lot of missed opportunities in all these events that might have prevented a suicide, but nothing was done.

I wonder when some state will stand up and say enough. Schools need to be held accountable, bullies need to be expelled and parents need to be given an alternative rather than having to send their child back into the nest of vipers for their education. Perhaps those at NOM and the Family organizations of the religious right don't feel the death of one gay boy to mean much. But since many of these young men were Christian and gay it means they don't object to eating their own.

I find myself sharing this grief with others far too many times, and yet it seems necessary that we all stay aware of the tragedy in our gay world.

[colinian]

<p>

I don't think that POV is as short or as limited as the statement implies, Colin. I do think we live in cultures that do not encourage an expansion of consciousness beyond the elemental, in children, under the guise of protection from danger.

</p>

<br />

<p>Actually, kids do have a very short point of view about their lives, Des. I'm 22 so I can remember how <i>far away</i> things were when I was in Intermediate School (grades 6 thru 8). I can remember when I started high school that the idea of planning for college was dumb because it would be years and years and years before I ever went to college.</p>

<br />

<p>It's important to stress the need to stop bullying. In a way that's wishful thinking, because there will be bullies and bullying no matter how hard we try to eliminate it. Kids do need a circle of friends, and a team of friends who are their peers is critical to help kids who are being bullied talk about it with someone who will actually listen to them. My high school has that kind of support group of kids, and bullying is almost unknown there. It can be done at any school; there are programs available to help school administrations set up and train teams of kids. Once it is set up it's run by the kids and they recruit new members from the incoming freshman class to keep it going and to make it work.</p>

<br />

<p>Colin </p>

[Chris James]

School systems beware: if you don't deal with the bully then the lawyers will deal you a terrible blow.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/nj-district-to-pay-42m-to-settle-lawsuit-over-bullys-punch-that-paralyzed-middle-schooler/2012/04/18/gIQAtDmrQT_story.html

I have little sympathy for the taxpayers in this school district, they deserve to pay the bill for the incompetence of the people they chose to run their schools. Yes, I am sure some poor insurance company will have to foot the bill for the damages, but the rates for the county will go up.

How sad that there is now a young man paralyzed in an incident that could have been prevented. This should serve as a wake up call for school systems on a national level. Deal with the bully, prevent his actions and rid the schools of such crass individuals. I am all for juvenile work camps for such unruly students. They need an education in common sense and emotional control. They do not deserve to be in school with normal children where they can spread their pattern of cruel hate.

I would also suggest that school administrators who do not deal with the issues of discipline in their jobs be tossed out and made to stand in the unemployment line. There are lots of PhD's out there seeking work, and a lot of them have more than a little common sense which is what we need in our schools. How many lawsuits like this can an education system endure? With this one being so successful I would imagine we shall soon find out.

[colinian]

<p>Excellent! It's just too bad that the bullying happened that paralyzed this 12 year old. Even though it's six years after the attack, I'd like to see the insurance company goes after the bully and his parents to get some of their $4.2 million back and teach bullies and their parents that it is something they have to control at the source. The publicity from a lawsuit will identify the bully and impact his ability to get a job. Just desserts.</p>

<br>

Colin

[DesDownunder]

'Just desserts' would be the bully coming to realise that he was the cause of the paralysis and he can never forget it; never wake up in the morning without feeling the horror of what he had done to another human being. His only escape would be travelling around the country working to educate people on the wrongness of bullying.

[Chris James]

A wonderful idea, Des. A court ordered "Shame Tour" where bullies are bused from town to town and told to appear at school assemblies to appologize for their behavior. Once the majority of students see these miscreants humbled it will definitely reduce the ranks of those who would become a bully in their school. I think this could be coupled with a showing of the film Bully.

[Merkin]

I don't know about busing them from town to town. How about putting them in stocks on the back of a flatbed truck?

[colinian]

This morning one of the QC guys at the company where I'm doing my CompSci Master's internship came into my cubicle (if 60 inch high panels on three sides can be called a "cubicle") and sat down. He said he wanted to talk about something personal. While that's not common, it's not unusual. I've paraphrased our conversation below.

He told me that his son is being bullied at school because he has two dads. I didn't know that about him.

I asked, "What grade is he in?"

"Sixth,"

"Middle school is tough. The kids can be mean, sometimes it's on purpose, and those kids are bullies. Often it's accidental, and those kids are at an age that in a situation like that most of them are so embarrassed they can't say 'I'm sorry'."

"I've come up with an idea, and I'd like to bounce it off you. Did you read C.W. Nevius' column today's Chronicle?"

"No, I only get the electronic edition of the Chronicle and read it after I get home from work."

"Here's it is. Would you mind reading it, and then I'll tell you what I want to do and get your opinion."

I read the article. The full article is at http://www.sfgate.co...L#ixzz1tAlqCqE3, but here are the parts that caught my attention:

Frankly, getting kids to speak up in middle school, a time when everyone's self-esteem is fragile, sounds like a tall order. Kids worry they'll be the next target, or lose their friends.

What those kids need is a push. It is being provided by Lee Hirsch, director of "Bully," which is now playing in nearly all 50 states. "Bully" is the view from the victim. Now that the film has caught fire, Hirsch has received funding to get the film into schools all over the country. Those who see it, Hirsch is convinced, will find it hard to be a silent bystander.

...

With his million-kid goal, Hirsch has found sponsors to underwrite entire school districts on a field trip to see "Bully." All a district has to do is ask: Hirsch's funding provides free admission, buses, and even a study guide for discussion.

"There's power in this and it is happening right now," Hirsch said. "Today we are literally changing the national conversation. The moment is now."

Last week, 7,000 students saw the film in Los Angeles.

"Seven thousand students and they were perfectly quiet the whole time," he said. "I swear to God you could hear a pin drop."

And when they left, he hopes, they will be silent no more.

"Excellent article," I told him.

He then described what he wanted to do. It was what I quoted above, to talk to the school superintendent and get him to request participation in the Bully Project and for all middle and high school kids to see the movie.

"That's the part that impressed me. How do you think your school district will respond?"

"I hope they do more than they've done so far for our son. They say all the right words, but they don't follow through."

"What about involving other parents? Have you gone to a PTA meeting and talked about bullying and the Bully Project?"

He said he hadn't thought of that. "Do you think they'll be supportive?

"How could they not be?"

"Okay, that's a good idea, we'll start with the PTA."

"Let me know what happens. Here's my email address in case I've finished my internship by then." (The last day of my internship is June 1.)

I'm looking forward to hearing if he's successful in getting the school district involved in the Bully Project.

What Lee Hirsch and the others in the article are doing to get middle school kids to provide peer support to kids who are being bullied for any reason is critically important. It's what I talked about in my earlier posts here about kids having a short POV of their life. I say Bully should be shown to every middle and high school student in the U.S. And it can happen. And it is happening:

Last week, 7,000 students saw the film in Los Angeles.

"Seven thousand students and they were perfectly quiet the whole time," he said. "I swear to God you could hear a pin drop."

And when they left, he hopes, they will be silent no more.

Colin