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Bounty of the internet

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I am so grateful to the internet for encouraging my social life, what would I do without spam?

Lately I have been getting such wonderful mail from people I dont even know offering me Eager Sluts with only a phone call. Isnt it nice that they are worried about my sex life?

And what about Adrianne? Every time I open my mail shes sent me a message with virus laden attachments. But I appreciate the effort to entrap me and destroy my computer. Why pay for virus protection if you dont get to use it? She really must get around because she appears on several different sites.

But the real kicker is that finally someone has figured out I am gay. A piece of mail from Steve confirms that, unless he is just fishing for love. I imagine him to be one of those eager sluts on the male side of the porn world. Sorry, Steve, not going there. Have you been tested for HIV lately?

I am still getting mail from my long lost uncle in Nigeria. Those idiots never give up, but they do serve to amuse. The false names they use are outrageously funny and show a real ignorance of western culture. The latest was from Doctor Arthur Iodine. I kid you not.

I dont eat Spam and I certainly dont read it. I suppose thats the price you pay for free internet services.

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Damn! Here we go again. What is wrong with me? Chris is getting all that mail. Why not me?

I don't get emails telling me my penis is way too short but they have a remedy just for me that will result in envious men in the gym showers and drooling women in my bedroom. Why don't I? Everyone else seems to.

I used to get letters from people all the way from Nigeria, but haven't in a couple of years or so. I'd about decided that these people all found other ways to recover the $20 million dollars they were hiding without needing to wash it through my bank account, the number of which I'd please remit forthwith. But now I hear others are still getting these requests? What's wrong with me? Just because I never answered them, that's no reason to stop sending them to me, is it?

Then there are those personal requests from porn sites. I don't get 'em. In fact, I don't seem to be on the spam mailing lists of most products. It's enough to make you think you have bad breath or something. What's wrong with me?

Maybe I need to turn my spam filter off.


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