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Dear Santa

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Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas.
Iv ben a good Boy all yeer.

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care specialist. How 'bout I send you a freakin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire
truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your freakin house. Then you'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with!

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please
see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Francis...FRANCIS! Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays? How 'bout I get you a Barbie and Ken doll FRANCIS! ...hahahahahahahahaha. Tell me Francis, do you get punched in the face alot in school? hehehehehohoho

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
You must be a major DORK. Don't you read the freakin' tags
you little loser? All toys get made in China! I have a
condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing
cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at
the craps table. And NO you little dweeb - reindeers can't
fly. But they sure taste good with A-1 sauce!

Dear Santa,
I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please PLEASE!

That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but
that stuff don't work up here. You're getting a sweater
again. Are you by any chance related to Francis?

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're
getting your a** beat at school. Secondly, you don't live
in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in.
Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!


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