Tragic Rabbit

I like that. I like Gene, too, a lot. I'm sort of toying with the idea of moving the focus over to him with a sequel...thoughts on that? or the whole sequel idea? Yanno, its past cool to be able to engage people's emotions with just typing stuff. Love, anger, fear, sorrow...its just amazing as hell. I love it! I wanna be a writer when I grow up! Tragic Rabbit

Thanks, I never know if they are or not, I intersperse lyrics between lines of poetry and plays, too. Would more plays work or not? I've started keeping the quotes shorter too, is that good? I was trying to show that Michael left quite a bit before either Trey went to his car or Mary arrived home at three. I guess I didn't and no, they don't know because its Trey. He's not social, like Angel, so no one has called his house yet. He's a very private person and the run of the play is over, of course. They will find out, though, and its all connected, well, most of it. I think. Grrr...keeping the whole plot in my head at once hurts. I've been where Gene is right now and, yeah, he's bright but he's also hurting without really wanting to admit it. The desire to curl up and protect your soft underbelly is a fierce one. In chapter 12, now online, a new element comes into play that may allow Gene an option on reclaiming his emotions in a way that helps others, well, maybe two options if you include the GSA itself. People have asked if Michael doesn't feel bad about sleeping with Gene while pursuing Angel. Does this make him less attractive as a 'hero' type? Is he even a hero type? Does it matter if he is or isn't a hero type? I don't want him to be a bad guy, just a real guy that sometimes does things that are questionable. One thing for sure about my intentions (those things that pave the road to Hell) is that I wanted, when I started Drama Club, to show people who had flaws doing things that weren't always admirable who yet STILL managed to capture the interest or attachment of readers. I still can't tell if I've come anywhere near that, and if so, with how many people? I like that on Myr's site they have a tally of how many people read the stories, I wish Nifty did that....I just really want to know how many people read beyond those that actually write me. What percentage actually email us, does anyone have a theory? Okay, the Spock stuff in Drama Club. I also used Spock to help me through teen years. How he helped, though, was not at school but at home where Mother ruled. Taking on a Vulcan persona helped me distance myself from that and maintain a minimum of control to preserve what dignity I could. That's the stuff of teen years that I remember least fondly, in fact, and I am forever grateful to Leonard Nimoy's character as an invaluable tool. I did NOT attempt suicide in high school and I think Spock, and my friends (like the Beatles, I got by witha little help from my friends), were the determining factor there. It was damn close. God, this is getting maudlin or depressing or something, sorry! Yes, that event will connect to many of the characters despite Trey's seeming emotional distance from the others. If I do it right, that is. Kisses.... TragicRabbit

Okay, since Blue has inaugurated This Is Your Gay Life in this Forum, I'm going to add a few things that are my OWN baggage while I write and read. A lot of what Michael does to win over Gene and Angel are things my own high school boyfriend, poor fellow, did to get me to go out with him. He was a Hippie and I was Performing Arts but that wasn't the whole reason I didn't want to date him, I didn't want ANY boyfriend or girlfriend that was serious, it just wasn't my thing, then. In fact, it may be because of that Hippie cutie that I did learn to like Love, who knows? While I'm unpacking bags, Bobby's Mother is my own mum, 'The Dragon', and she sent me somewhere, too, just not the Exodus as it didn't exist. I've also learned that thing Friedman told Gene to do, to distance oneself from the Object of one's Affection. I think that's enough unpacking for right now. It surprises me how much of me comes out in these characters, it was never, never my intention to tell my own stories at all when I began Drama Club. No way. I like this and its useful for me. I think you're right that Jaye, while not Angel's romantic lover, has perhaps made Michael possible for Angel, which is interesting. I'll have to think about that and work through it. The next chapter will have a lot of internal stuff with Michael so this may show up there in some way. Or not. <s> Thanks to all of you for reading and commenting. I've been offline a week and just starting to get caught up so bear with me. I'd really like to know what you think of the new chapter and the other short story. I have the whole Drama Club on a single file with some preliminary edits if anyone is interested in or able to help me in further edits. I'm thinking this will be another hundred pages or so to finish this particular storyline but I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue writing about Angel and his friends after that. But I 'm going to do other things, too, and am trying to learn. This forum is helping me a lot as are my contacts with some of you, most especially the Dude himself, who rocks. Kisses... TR

I'm interested in hearing more about the scene changes because I'd considered redoing the earlier, more abrupt, ones in a rewrite. Does it hold up as is or should one or the other style be maintained throughout? I didn't intentionally make Camille and Doug against hetero couple stereotypes, but maybe unconsciously it was my intention. Maybe the same thing for Angel wearing, and touching up, his makeup. Or Gene being gay or Michael playing football. I know I'm accused of enjoying poking at stereotypes in Real Life, maybe that's fallen over into the writing even when I'm not consciously thinking, 'Hey, let's tweak stereotypes'. Which is yet another reason that its so great to read comments from others, esp other writers. More so than Angel himself? I really do want Angel to be on that arc, he's supposed to be seen as changing through this story, his views and need of Love, his willingness to help others (GSA, Bobby) and his ability to sympathize with others. Mostly the first two, I guess. Its hard to tell how it comes off and what he seems like after each chapter. The references back to Angel's father strike me as interesting. I hadn't had them openly in mind but, yeah, they're important. Maybe to all of us. I wasn't intentionally tweaking anyone's nose, I just...well, you do have to fix your face after a shower and, yeah, I guess I know what a guy doing that in a mirror looks like to most people. Still, I like Angel and I like how he presents himself. I like that he doesn't care what people think. I think I personally used to be braver, I must have forgotten how but Angel is reminding me. Its really cool that he's also reminding you, Blue, and possibly other readers that its okay to be yourself, no matter what. Michael has a similiar journey coming up with showing affection for Angel openly at school. Bobby has a lot of internalized homophobia, maybe his journey and Gene's, all of which are different routes to self acceptance, can help someone understand their own. Including me. I just write the stuff, I don't claim to understand it or know what's there before the words hit the page. Not entirely, anyway. Joey has been in Drama Club from the beginning, he plays Bottom in MSND and yes, he is a self-deprecating self portrait. I like to think there is a lot more of me in Angel or Gene, though. I've posted Chapter 12 (and an unrelated short story called Something About Tom that I hope gets its own thread, too!) so let me know. 13 should be done later this week. Read Chapter 12 and let me know if there were any surprises there... Kisses.... Tragic Rabbit

Hmm. Well, the stuff about lyrical prose flowing fluently made me feel really good, thanks! I've gotten such a mixed reaction to Part 10 and that's surprised me. Gene's section had me sad, too, in fact, I had to take a day off finishing the chapter because I was feeling Gene's mood (there were actually two sections written from Gene's perspective) too much, I think. Really strange but I can't honestly say it was entirely unpleasant, just strange to be so caught up in the feelings of what I have to admit is an imaginary person. (Gene just poked me for saying that...j/k) Funny you liked the 'discreet' sex, I've gotten some gentle complaints from dedicated readers that indicate they'd prefer a little less discretion, lol. I'm still trying to figure out how to please everyone, I guess, which isn't realisitic of me, I suppose. I'd also had the feeling the sex might be overwhelming the plot but I do like writing the sex scenes so what's the litmus test here, how can you know when its enough sex but not too much? or too much detail? I had just opened up the Word doc to add to the sex scenes in Part 10, in fact, as an experiment when I read this post! Now, I'm not sure what I want to do... However, I was actually most strongly motivated to post in defense of Angel. The way I see it, he's never been in love, never even close, and his behavior is just consistent with that. If he's jaded, its only in regard to casual sex, not anything else, or shouldn't be anything else. Sex is sex and friends are friends, is all and love has yet to be a factor in his life. This may be changing but it hasn't changed yet...am I not expressing that at all in the story? This was almost the whole point of what Michael was doing by saying no to sex with Angel, he wants Angel to open up in a different way, to be with him in a different way to what he's used to. I thought the coldness, if that's what it is, I wouldn't call it that myself, was exactly right for his age. Not speaking for anyone else here but at fifteen going on sixteen I was about as likely to fall in love as I was likely to end world hunger. Hell, I wouldn't have even said the word. Now, maybe I misunderstand what you meant and maybe I need to rewrite that scene because I do want Angel to be a sympathetic character, just a realistic one, if possible. If Angel is coming off as unpleasant, then I'm not happy. I'm trying to show him struggling with something new, not just falling in love like falling off a truck but really fighting it and not understanding his feelings. This is my first real fiction, so maybe I'm missing the mark. I do, however, want to show Angel as human: he's a little vain at times, he's a lot selfish at times, he's not always thoughtful, he's not always good. I want him to be likable DESPITE that, to be someone that readers still want to see happy. How close to that am I coming with Drama Club? Okay, since I'm not rewriting the sex scenes after all, at least not this minute, I'm going to go back and try to post replies to previous comments here...if the browswer doesn't dump me again. Hugs, Joey/Tragic Rabbit

Aww, shucks, guys! *blushing* I just finished Part 10, it ran a little longer than I meant it to...which seems to keep happening. Some of the characters can get pretty busy when they get screentime. I just love Gene and Angel! Well, really, I love them all... Okay, time to sleep, I'm all writted out for now. Let me know what you think of Part 10 and please let me know if my prose is improving at all, or my storytelling ability. I'm nearly done with Stephen King's On Writing, its great, very inspiring. The new Elements of Style is too, of course. Kisses... Joey aka Tragic Rabbit :D

************ Danke, I hope that I am learning something about plot twists and such...I feel like I'm doing something right when readers email to yell about whatever, 'is bobby okay?', 'doesn't jaye know he loves angel?', "will gene tap angel?', 'will mike get angel to love him'...etc. Either I have their interest or they're bloody bored as fuck. I did feel that 7 was a quiet chapter until then, too, so...that's good. I think. I'm never sure if its getting boring but, on the other hand, I don't want melodrama. Is it melodrama?More on this concern below. Never heard of Fluffy Bunnies other than Yours Truly. Interesting. The last names Kuo and de la Torres (Gene and Angel) were in my notes from the start but I deliberately didn't use them for awhile. I didn't want to dwell on their 'ethnicity' but did want it there and wasn't sure how to do it other than to drop something along the way, but not at first. Their ethnic backgrounds don't mean anything to their friends so I didn't want them to mean anything to the readers. Is this okay? Is is sufficient? I'm not sure although the Dude said he liked it that way. I know that it would matter to some readers, in real life anyway, and wanted to give them a chance to feel like it didn't , didn't matter...is that preachy or just real? Gene Kuo was always meant to be ethnic Chinese via Taiwan. Should I describe something about him that points this out physically? I mean, is it necessary? Does it seem as if I'm being lazy if I don't? I'd rather just have him BE but if you think it needs something more, I can do that. It definitely doesn't matter to his friends, that's the only thing I wanted to show, really, by waiting. Friedman (Gene's debate coach) is a Jew, when he appears, does this need to be stated? Does the name make that evident? likely? beneath radar? Friedman is also 'handicapped', is that something that needs to be part of exposition or can it just be an aside, like the rest? Is it necessary to state in some way that Bobby, Jaye and Michael are White? Is it obvious? Known? Irrelevant?What ethnicity does Anthony seem to be? So, just in general, is this way of handling physical/ethnic differences an okay one? Does it work? Is it pretentious? Preachy? Is there any sense of awkwardness or discontinuity? If its just that you say, while reading, 'aha, gene's not white, he's chinese' then, okay, that's how I'd like you to feel but if its distracting, that's bad. Angel should seem pretty queer by the end of chapter one but not particularly seem Latino...if that works, its what I meant. They're gay, or drama or whatever, but the other stuff is supposed to be secondary...in my head anyway. PROBLEM: On the plot, is it MELODRAMATIC? this would be bad, imo. I have ideas for where this story is going but am now second guessing myself on whether its overblown and melodramatic. Thoughts? Bobby is very depressed and I'm about to chuck the ten pages I just did on p.8 to rewrite and rethink how I present it. Is his obsession with being 'normal' reasonable or overblown? Should I concentrate on depression rather than the desire to be normal? Is this a reasonable or healthy thing to present teens thinking about? Some violence is coming up (no spoilers), how can this be handled without resort to melodrama? How much is too much? Is it reasonable that the action is all within a few days? The whole story will be in a two week time frame, is that okay? Is it done in a realisitic way? Is it a bad idea overall? What about when Parts go backwards and relive time periods already covered in a Part from the perspective of another character(s)? Is that done well? okay? is it distracting and awkward? What could I do to make it better? How much should I listen to what readers say they want to see? How much internal monologue is too much? I'm writing a lot for P.8 and then overthinking it and not sure. Is my dialogue a better way to present things? Btw, how IS my dialogue? If there are good or bad scenes of dialogue, what are they? How real are the characters? How many characters can I reasonably present as upfront, downstage center? Can I bring some of them forward for more coverage without losing coherence? Anthony, Doug, Camille, Trey, Friedman? Is the fact that readers LIKE a character proof I'm doing it right or just proof of something else? Shouldn't some characters be DISliked? Are these characters multidimensional, with good and bad qualtiites both? How could I do a better job of that? Okay, off to work on P.8 some more after a cold shower. If the words aren't leaping out, should I leave it and return later or force myself through? If they're leaping but look bad to me, is that a cue to stop or to just let things happen? It's really cool to me how real these people seem to me--and I know I made them up. I really like some of them...is this sick, creating a stable of friends out of the air? Is it normal? How stupid is this whole story, overall? I mean....I dunno. Is it okay to make this a little heavier than some readers seem to want it? How light is too light? How heavy is too heavy? Do I have to have a moral at the end, figuratively speaking? What if Exodus wins with Bobby, what if Angel were to wash his face and butch up....what if...what obligation, if any, do I have to present things in a positive way for gay readers, esp teenage ones? I remember you guys saying I shouldn't have people SMOKING because it sent the wrong 'message'...is that reasonable? What if I prefer the massage to the message? Random, yes, heartfelt, though. Tragic Rabbit

BIG HUGS, BLUE! Angel says to tell you two things: First, that, yeah, it's really, really scarey to tell people that even though the worst thing you imagine almost never happens. And, secondly, that it gets easier each time you do it, promise. The payoff in relaxation is amazing. Gene says: Like yourself, Blue! Guess what? You're a nice person! Tell, not tell, doesn't matter, just be sure to LIKE yourself. Kisses... Tragic Rabbit

[ LOL.. sorry about the pistol whipping remark... a weak attempt at humor. Your efforts are appreciated by all, wibby, including Joey... I am sure. I agree Drama Club and its author are well worth our time and investment in it. Joey writes with a passion that is hard to find these days. I wish I had a dozen of him! :D ] ******************* Dude's only sayin' that because I'll let him cyber with me for hours at night. God, he's so hot. "Dude lay in the moonlight, glorying in his nakedness while TRabbit hastily shucked off his clothes and dove for it." Film at 11. No, seriously, thanks to all of you for the advice and pats on the head. I need them. I'm not only new at this but I've got the all the self-esteem of John Bobbitt in a tearoom. Kisses... Tragic Rabbit

[ ]********************* I started adding more depth to the dance teacher. He's dedicated to my closet. :p ************************** [ I'd say the drama kids are the main characters, but she is an important supporting character. She's important to them, so demonstrate why. The role of the teachers or counselors in the story and how the young guys and girls think of them determines the size and importance of their roles. -------- New Stuff: Wow, as the story goes on, you've got a lot of good stuff, story-wise, coming in. Backstory that explains who Angel is and why; phobia with Ryan; ambiguity with Gene and Michael; poor Bobby's situation. Gene: I sort of expected him to be a sympathetic straight who turned out to be a friend. Didn't expect him and Michael to have anything going. Not complaining, just surprised a little. Bobby: Poor guy. I guess we'll see what happens in Ch. 6. Ugh, his parents and those pamphlets. ]***************************** Since I slowed the P-A-C-E :oops: , events aren't as far along at the end of Part Six as I'd expected. Bobby doesn't reappear in real time until Part Seven, for instance. Just thought I'd mention. PLEASE let me know if any element of the story, any character or thread of the plot (or the whole plot) has a problem or is getting offbase. The one thing that seems really hard is keeping all of it in my head at one time and trying to see a coherent whole. Its like looking in a hand mirror to see if your suit looks good. Grrr. I had some questions but they've gone out of my head. Kisses... Tragic Rabbit

Pete For what its worth, I agree almost exactly with the above post from 'blue' and the one somewhere above it by 'gpaulbishop' regarding a lengthened version. I definitely think it stands on its own well as a short story. I liked the ending very much and LOVED the first half to two thirds, the journal entries prior to the sex (not that I disliked the sex, but that's something else and involves typing one-handed) where Charles sounds SO much like a teenager. I laughed like crazy, I just can't tell you, and I usually loathe diary-style stories even by authors I otherwise enjoy. I thought it was wonderfully done, the pacing up to their contact, and the humor was a fabulous bonus. Really made it work, in my opinion. The sex stuff, it was hot (ahem) but did seem a little of a variation for the actual journal itself. Maybe break up those paragraphs more, like the earlier entries? I loved the story, though, don't misunderstand. I guess I should mention that I'm the other newbie around here so feel free to ignore what I say and push me in a puddle on the playground. On a nearby thread, these guys are helping me figure out how to organize the mess that vomits out of my keyboard. So my 'advice' lacks their credibility. Just please don't 'pants' me on your way out. Kisses... Tragic Rabbit ********** Posted later. GRRR, this forum keeps screwing me (and no, I'm not enjoying it). I'll try again. What I meant by the above is this: When I read ILKB, I can HEAR Charlie taking in my ear. He's excited, he's afraid, he's bored, he's scared. I can hear him the whole way through with the exception of the first sex scene and something later, I forget what. One sex scene was him in my ear, though, and that's the one in the cellar at Christmas. Not only was that one HOT but I could feel his breath on my ear as he talked rapid-fire, breathing hard. If you make a longer story, you could use the journal at the end instead of the beginning. Maybe in the middle, even. Possibly interspersed (as someone else said) with newspaper clipping or letters between characters. Notes in lockers? Anyway, something to keep the vivid first person thing going. That's it for now. Blue, I read what you wrote below. What does being 'out' about my sexuality have to do with offering lame advice on someone else's writing? Letting my demeanor do the talking doesn't seem to confer anything much in Real Time other than to significantly reduce the attentions of females. What it definitely doesn't do is help me critique and correct my OWN writing, so I need help. So here's the deal. We can play doctor anytime you want if you will HELP me with structure, continuity and style on Drama Club. Quid pro quo. (Can I touch your quid with my quo? ) Kisses.... Tragic Rabbit

Nobody would give a shit. If they do give a shit that he isn't white then they are probably beneath contempt. Not that you asked my opinion. I just starting reading stories recently but have only seen one or two characters who weren't white, so I was concerned. I do plan on writing about non-white characters but I have a little more confidence now in what is acceptable (and read with interest as opposed to ignored). I'm not unfamiliar with the feeling that the world's interest is usually in inverse proportion to the darkness of a person's skin. If you ever put a spoiler in again I will be forced to hunt you down and kick your sorry ass halfway to China. Write it down :p Sorry! Calm down. Take a deep breath. And keep going. If you're a writer, you can fix ANYTHING if you want. You have the skills. You just need to take your time and need a good proofreader who isn't afraid to give it back and say "This is utter crap -- please re-do it." My proofreaders gladly tell me they've seen better prose on a toilet wall and to fix something. And what you've done is good. We're not knocking you -- we're trying to make it better. It could be worse, we could utterly ignore you. So where do I find a proofreader? I only just got up the nerve to tell one of my friends what I'm doing and asked for her opinions but she has yet to get back to me. I can't show pages like these to just anyone. Thanks to all of you, again, for taking the time to comment and offer help. I do appreciate it, it's much better than being ignored. Tragic Rabbit P.S. How do you close off the quotes in replies like this one?

Okay, I wrote out long replies to this post twice and lost them to reboots so this may seem short and abrupt but that's the reason. I want to get it done and out before I have to reboot yet again. Hi, Blue! Angel doesn't seem campy to me, maybe we are indeed different. He's not the butchest stud in the bunch but hardly a flamer. If he's coming across in some way that makes him less a sympathetic character, that's bad. However, most of the stories I read on Nifty had studly, muscled, straight-acting, athletic, rich men who were hung like race-horses so I wanted some characters of another kind, characters that seemed more realistic to ME. Shakespeare makes a number of jokes on the name 'Bottom' in MSND. Angel can be pronounced either way but most younger Latinos go with the anglicized <s> pronunciation in mixed settings. I'm Latino myself, if you're fishing, but I was trying not to emphasize the fact that Angel isn't white. I wasn't sure how non-white characters would be received. I'm not sure what to say about high school sex. I had sex in high school (and at the high school-almost always in the theatre department!) and so did a lot of my friends. Not by any means all, though, and there are characters in Drama Club who don't. Others have sex but with misgivings. Drama students I've known since my own graduation are also sexually active, not all, but many. My real life experience is that much high school sex doesn't end in actual completion of the act and maybe that should be reflected in the story. Its so difficult for a teen to even find a private place that Drama Club sex does have an element of wish-fulfillment. At least one sex scene in the story is close to an actual experiences of mine, though, so its not SO far off. In MY opinion. Are we 'disagreeing' because of what we each think of high school sex or because of how it works in the story? And what about the several dream-sex scenes? On slowing down: how exactly? longer scenes? more scenes? See, I'm really new at this! Boys wear makeup in high school. I wore makeup (sometimes) in high school. I had a whole Ziggy Stardust thing going during my senior year. I've known a lot of theatre students to wear makeup on a regular basis. Some private schools might not allow makeup but I've never been to or heard of a public school that didn't permit it. That does not mean that a guy wearing makeup doesn't get hassled, he does, and sometimes even by administration but its not generally a dress-code violation. This is my experience, someone else's may vary. Angel IS hassled in school for his presentation and even Gene (chapter four or five) tells him it's asking for trouble. So the idea that its not fully accepted is covered in the story. Does it need to be covered more? A gay-bashing is coming up in the next chapter, are you sure I'm not covering it? I'm asking--I don't know if I am or not. I'm flying blind. Thanks for suggesting that I develop the teachers. I originally had the idea that this might be more a kid-space story but maybe it would be better the other way. I'm not sure but open to suggestion. Northside will do other productions and at least one will be part of the story, possibly Camelot but I'm still thinking of an appropriate play to end Drama Club with as a tie in to the events that end the story. Here are some things I'm going crazy trying to figure out: 1) is the dialogue believable or not? if not, why not? 2) are the characters likable? if so, which and how? if not, why? 3) are the scenes interspersed in a way that is effective? if not, why? 4) am i getting any kind of thread going that is coherent? if not, how can i improve? 5) i guess the above comments let me know that my worries about pacing or character development were well founded and that i've farked up...any details on how to fix this are appreciated. talk in small words. 6) how are the sex scenes (AS sex scenes)? how are they are part of the story? 7) what, if anything, am i doing right? 8) what are the worst parts of my prose--i need a list to tack up by my monitor of what NOT to do. Please read all the chapters if you can and let me know if I'm getting any better and if its making any sense yet. I'll think of more later but that's all that I can dredge up right now. I'm ticked at the computer and worried that it'll crash on me again so I'm posting this fast. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU! Hugs and Kisses. Tragic Rabbit P.S.(Monday noon) I re-read through what I've done so far and I guess you're right, it is too much sex and utter shyte. I'm a tad depressed now and wondering what I'm doing. What sort of things are liked online? Can I fix this or should I just drop it and start something else? *sigh*

Dear WBMS: Thanks so much for posting, I really need some help and will be using a lot of the suggestions I get here. This is my first story in a long, long time and my first erotic or teen story ever. I've never written dialogue before or other things that I'm having to figure out right now. I hope that the five chapters show at least some progress as I learn. I discovered Nifty about six weeks ago and have been reading stories non-stop, discovering some I liked and a lot that I didn't. I had no idea there were places online to write as a amateur, somehow I missed out on this until now. Two weeks ago, I decided to try doing it, too. I typed out the first chapter of a little thing on a high school drama club, fully intending to actually make another idea into my first story. Nifty put this one out and I got a lot of really nice commentary from readers and went ahead with Drama Club. It's kind of blowing my mind how much fun I'm having. On that note, huge hugs and thanks to the Dudester for bringing me over here where I can get some real feedback. Comments from readers are great but usually not all that helpful. One interesting thing I've noticed is that some of these guys seem to see me AS Angel, or at least, as a sexy teen queen and appear to be disappointed when they find I'm not. I may start being a lot more vague about who Tragic Rabbit really is! All that said, I know I suck at it but I really, truly believe that I can get a lot better with some help. By the third chapter, I had a handle on the IDEA of chapters and now, with chapter five, I have the thing more or less plotted out. I still feel VERY unsure of a lot of things and would really appreciate any and all commentary. I promise not to cry in public, either, if it hurts my feelings. Not much, anyway. To answer your two questions/comments: I can see that its going fast. I'm unsure what is too much detail and what is not enough. I've read, on Nifty, a lot of stories with endless personal detail (or glacially moving plots) that sort of went over the top and maybe I was trying to avoid that. I'm also NEW to this whole thing in general: fiction writing, erotica and online chapter writing. To fix the speed thing, would you suggest longer scenes OR more scenes or what, exactly? I'm sure you're right about the pacing, if that's the word you mean, and I plan on going back over the first chapters later on to rework them. For now, I'm learning. Let me know what you think after you've finished chapter five--did I improve at all? I'm trying to, really. They (actually its mainly Gene and Angel) smoke a lot for two reasons: I am chain-smoking as I write Drama Club. <G> More importantly, they smoke because its a highly social activity and allows characters to drop defenses and talk together at odd moments. It also underscores other addictive behaviors. Possibly some sublimated oral fixation, too. <wink> I love the idea of someone trying to quit. I'm going to add that with either Gene or Angel, perhaps both. Thanks! If there is anything that you like, that I'm doing right specifically, it would help me to know what it was so I don't stop doing it. I'm completely new to this and have no idea where I'm hitting and where I'm missing unless someone tells me. I appreciate your time in replying and really look forward to anything else you might have as you read more. I do need help and I know it. I want to get better fast and finish the Drama Club. I need a finished project of some kind in my life right now but will probably find myself addicted to this kind of thing. It's really more fun than I could have ever imagined. Peace. The Tragic Rabbit