Tragic Rabbit

Yeah, I noticed typos but I assume Graeme caught them all. Three proofers? Maybe I'm not so badly off without proofers after all. (though Gabe sometimes proofs for me, if he's around) I liked the story very much, good pacing and suspenseful. Nice ending but, well, depressing. But I like depressing. I guess that's what Blue didn't like. I don't know that you needed all that preface, were you feeling insecure? Just whip it out next time, hon, we don't mind. Kisses... TR

Lovely sentence. Sometimes your words are very powerful, Gabe. They slap up hard inside my head. Kisses... TR

If you mean Samwise Gamgee, he IS gay, hehe. http://homepages.nyu.edu/~amw243/diaries/ Kisses... TR

Stories with boys or men loving one another also move me more, significantly more, which is one reason I do still surf for new things and check the gay fiction sections in bookstores. When reasonably well done, I PREFER reading about gay characters. I just do. I would like to see stories in all categories but with gay characters, I would like reading them MORE because the hero, the lovers, the whatever were NOT straight. I have been reading almost all of my life and the vast majority of it was about heterosexuals, whether that was central to the plot or not, it was damn sure evident to me. I'm willing, in fact, to overlook less than stellar writing to get those characters and stories. I disagree with what I've sometimes heard said, that a gay story should be the same as a straight story--that if you just change genders, the story stays the same. Sometimes yes, usually no, in my opinion. I think there are DIFFERENCES in how men are with one another to the way they are, or would be, with a woman. AND differences in how the world looks and works if you ARE gay or bisexual that can influence non-romantic story elements. This is one reason that I prefer the author actually BE gay, although I've read some stuff I liked from authors who were, possibly, not. One 'gay' author turned out to be a woman but undeniably wrote stories that worked for me, that spoke to me, that expressed things about gay relationships or gay characters in their lives. Yes, there are universal human themes but there are specific kinds of people and interrelationships that I WANT to see and that are WHY I read gay fiction. Race matters, sexuality matters, gender matters and I don't think anyone should be afraid of saying so in order to seem unbigoted. And I don't think its wrong to want to get my fiction, for a change, filtered through a gay lens. Maybe after I've read ten thousand excellent gay stories, I won't need it so much. But then again, maybe I will. And maybe I like the idea of NON-gays reading about gay worlds, gay people, gay lives and loves. So for all of these reasons and many more, I love gay fiction, rough edges and all. Kisses... TR

Silly me! I guess my mistake is assuming that if one can write a good story, then you're a good writer. Capote does not suck. If he's not to your taste, fine, but his use of parenthesis (among other things) surely isn't up for debate in this forum. Saul Bellow uses paranthesis rather regularly and extremely well, as do other authors. Does Saul Bellow suck, literarily speaking? [if the answer is yes, consider me tuned out...] I'm just not sure absolutes have a place in a discussion of what works and what is acceptable in fiction writing. There are just too many styles and too many ways to use the English language beautifully to insist on, expect or even wish for grammar class sentences in works of the heart. You, we, listen to the voice in our head and the meter, the rhythm, may call for something outside standard punctuation or use...and that's a GOOD thing. Anyone writing has likely spent most of their life reading and that reading, that familiarity and facility with way words sound inside a head, is what has prepped them to write much more so than any grammar class. From somewhere we get that voice for each story or character and it might take a bagful of commas to make it work, or it might take a mess o' parenthesis. Tragic Rabbit

Jesus, I love that poem! Beautifully done, beautiful topic and not a bit schmaltzy, just really great. Damn, you're more facile with words than I am...I think I'll go cry. <G> Kisses... TR

'you bought a guitar to punish your ma' Hahahahaha... Love it. TR

I just read this short story and liked it. Its well written and presents an interesting character, Allie. It's science fiction with a sort of spiritual aspect in that Allie connects with others who might not be actually there. I'll be looking now for something else by James, I just wanted to mention that I liked the story. Kisses... TR

Say, I didn't see this last week because its not in the Poetry closet, sorry. Many thanks and glad you liked it. Seems no one liked the Icarus one and here I thought it was the best one technically. BTW, the correct version of the poem, Ten Fun Things, is at tragicrabbit.org, the one here on AD is a bit wonky. I'm thinking there needs to be a name for a thing that's more like a story than a poem but damned if I know what that name is or should be. I might write some more now that my computer seems to be working (though I've lost every single file I had and all my story notes-sounds of piteous whining in the background). This one made me sad and happy to write it so, by your yardstick (which I think might be a good one), I succeeded since you felt what I felt when I wrote it. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I'm behind on my prose, thought, so that should be the next stuff I send in. Kisses... TR

That's like telling someone to masturbate more, isn't it? I mean, that's sort of how it feels to write stuff like that. This one, I was watching a movie and the boy in the film asks for the number of a guy who doesn't plan on calling him, he's very young and its only his second sexual encounter and suddenly I acutely remembered that feeling, the feeling that it meant something else, something more than it did. I mean, after a while, you realize that everything isn't equal, that sow's ears don't make good purses, but that feeling...I felt like writing it down. I think the Icarus one is prettier, neater, nicer, the kind of thing other people like, I guess, but the Ten Things one or this one maybe hit closer to my own actual emotional intestines. Anyhow, yeah, I've been writing some and the response has been underwhelming, to say the least. Maybe I do need to just think of them as masturbatory exercises and not expect any blue ribbons for my performances. Its a little depressing that the only thing anyone ever seems to like is Drama Club...though the Some Enchanted Evening has a few fans of its own, I think. Still, you sort of want something when you're done, like when the dentist gives you a lollipop after making you hurt. I've been spoiled in Life by all the candy given to me by nice men, I don't know how to judge things without it, I guess. Kisses... TR

A Valentine In Time For all the men Who ever took my number And never called- A Valentine. For those who cried out Someone else?s name Then paid for breakfast To seem polite- Eggs over easy, like me And lightly toasted. I never counted the days When the phone didn?t ring I never looked for you In the faces And places Where we met that night. That wasn?t me you saw In the glass beside you If you forgot, I never noticed- It wasn?t me. I was young but never foolish; I always knew the lie By the taste of your kisses, I always knew the weight Of your caresses Was lighter than it seemed. If I looked sad when you Drove away- Just a trick of the light Your mistake, not mine. A Valentine for you Saccharine memory of something Long forgotten Cheap paper hearts Wastebasket flowers. I?m sure I knew your name once But it faded Like this Valentine That I toss back through time To you. *

[i have such a pretty page on Word for this with an interesting painting of Icarus...but here's the text all unlovely] Requiem for Icarus White as bone and near as quiet beached couched in sodden sand. Pallid skin yellow hair matted rats and seaweed ribbons. Fearful, cautious a stick to poke alive? as dead as dreams. The hollow bones of broken wings felled into this shallow sea. Such a face too beautiful for heaven still you never know. *

I'd like to offer a comment or three on poems and the poetic temperament. Some poems are meant to jar, that is, those not read from between the pages of a Hallmark card. And spelling, again, well...don't tell e.e. cumming that its enforced. I'm more of the school that believes that a poem is meant to elicit an effect, and that effect might be anything but soothing. I'm fond of making people laugh or cry but those are only two emotions possible from a poem. Codey and I were just talking,comparing writing a poem to taking a healthy shit. Sometimes its just something that had to come out, with effort. Now and then, someone else likes it. What IS true, is that the effect it has on others isn't necessarily pretty...or expected. Sort of creates a big blot of feeling with tendrils back into your psyche to memories or our cultural Id. Meter isn't always what's obvious and, as a poetic requirement, is a tad out of fashion. One thing that's certian is that a poet likes his poems poked at about as much as he likes his cat kicked. Love and kisses... TR

This is so...well, I'll omit the word I want to use in kindness, that I'm going to reply here and then delete all my posts later. Obviously, I never said that, I asked what an underage non-college student was doing on a college campus, a reasonable question from what I recall as nonstudents weren't allowed or encouraged to attend oncampus clubs. Whether that makes it your 'fault' is entirely your own invention, I'd certianly imagine that someone you met at a college function would assume you were older than you were. The main problem with your post is that it addresses a tiny comment in two long posts which were, again obviously, not addressed to you specifically and hence half my frustration with this forum and thread. I won't be back after deleting my posts. I don't know you and don't expect to but the world and this forum aren't about you. As to reading the thread, I specifically said I had and twice said that you seemed not to be reading my own posts. I'm over it, and will delete my posts later but wanted to comment here. I only visited the thread on someone's suggestion and found what I consider to be the ubiquitous problem of stereotypes and bigotry within 'the tribe'. This kind of throw-away reply post completely removes any interest I have in participating in this 'discussion' further. Tragic Rabbit

I'm hoping you confused my post with others or whatever but I'm depressed so I'm going to post this anyway. If your post was in response to mine, you didn't read mine, in my opinion. Still, I have a few comments. No, not particularly, several people mentioned gay clubs in high school and college. Why were you at a college gay group as young teens? I mean, I have no idea, I'm just asking. However you point up the SERIOUS problem wiht what some of you seem to want, older gay men to be mentors and friends...hello, the risk of imprisonment is NOT a small one! Gays are scrutinized nowhere more intensely than when they are around underage people, teachers, scout masters, youth leaders are routinely fired for even the hint,the merest suggestion of impropriety. Hell, even holding your friend's kid on your lap can get you funny looks in our culture, its insane. I think a lot of adult queers would LOVE to do more than they do with youth but are terrified and RIGHTLY SO of prosecution. All it would take is one disgrunted, displaced parent or neighbor calling CPS and his or her ass is grass. So that's ONE thing. It sucks but that's the way it is. Now me, I'm too dumb to know when to be smart so yeah, I have taught, I have led youth groups, I have worked with teen clubs, I have teenage friends now, possibly more than your average adult, I'm not sure. If so, one reason is most definitely fear. I'm not sure what your point is here, I know tons of guys and women like this, who do this stuff. Its even in the news sometimes but mostly is just everyday. I've done this stuff, these aren't the fifties. Adults are doing those things all around you. I so love the sarcasm of your post. What's wrong with going up to a guy and telling him he looks good? Hell, I know *I* like it. Listen, some guy I just met starts talking about not having met the right guy yet and you can color me gone. Way too needy, bit on the creepy side unless he seemed to be saying it with a sense of humor. If he has a gf and tells you, yep, I'd agree, don't grab his ass. I'm less sure about waiting for him to bring things up, why can't you? I mean, maybe you're shy but I don't think this is the best advice. What if both were waiting for the other to suggest a coffee (or marriage, to use your example)? Wouldn't hell freeze over first? I agree, going straight, if you'll pardon the expression, for sex is only a good idea in the right setting, a party or a bar, perhaps, and only then if you feel like it. Still, guys hook up everywhere and without so much talking. If that's not your thing, fine, but I don't see that either way is the only way to go about getting to know someone however well or for however long you want to know them. I'm a big fan of just asking stuff, like, do you wanna have a coffee? Do you wanna grab dinner tomorrow? Can I have your number? What are you doing later? Like I said, I'm too dumb to know when to be smart. I figure all they can do is say no, so what the hell. Is this you or are you paraphrasing the thread posts? Have you read Joseph Heller? 'Epiphany' is an excellent word. 'We teens' who and where wars, in this forum? Btw, I had agreed with Gabe's posts and that was WHY I posted, because I didn't care for some of the replies. Bleh. No, LIFE is change, nonstop until you die. That's the one constant and I'm sorry to tell you that turning 18 or 21 won't make anything different. No one will hand you a manual on Life and change won't stop happening. I do not agree that teens are more susceptible to change or more hurt by it, I think we all experience it, that's what Life is, endless changes and then you die. NOTHING stays the same and I think most adults know that, if they don't, I'm pretty sure that's considered a neurosis, either way, its unrealistic. Same for teens who crave sameness, its just not going to happen. Adults may give you a false impression when they romanticize some time in their or their culture's past as better in some abstract way but that's nostalgia, not reality or real memories. In the 1980's, Ronald Reagan had a deep nostalgic craving for the 1950's and what he saw as gentler, saner times and plunged this country into the beginning of a conservative downspiral that hasn't stopped. In REALITY, the 1950's in America were a time of oppression, inequity and deep cultural divides: segregation was in effect, women were paid a third of what men were and encouraged to be 'homemakers' by which they did NOT mean architects. And being openly or proudly gay? Read the Naked Civil Servant, there was a guy who was damn open and reviled every day of his life because of it. True story, btw. That Reagan view of the 1950's was nostalgia and all humans are guilty of it at some time or another. The key is to just enjoy the moment, whatever it brings, and I'm working on that in my personal life. The thing is, you can't point the finger at people over 18/21 and say they are the cause although I understand the sentiment. In the 1960's, they used to say, 'Don't trust anyone over 30'...but is that a good position from which to ask for solidarity amidst the tribe? Divisionism is a bad thing and whenever you feel the urge to draw lines, lie down and maybe the feeling will pass. You know, reading that I'm tempted to agree but I'm also tempted to say, sotto voce: Easy for you to say. The things that tie someone to one place can be complex and not necessarily related to fear. I've lived a lot of places and haven't yet found one that feels like home. Other guys stay in the same place for family, for friends, for a job, for their house, whatever, why is one reason better than another? Its so easy to be superior and say, Move, to someone else but what are you doing in YOUR life to make it better? I mean, that's the only yardstick that matters, the one arena in which you can clearly see the field. Maybe change or improvement doesn't mean moving although right this second, I'd give anything for a ticket out of this country, or at least this state. Should I just pack a bag and start walking? Its a thought, I guess... This is something I vacillate on, whether my sexuality IS myself or whether its only a small portion. One thing is true, to bigots, it IS me, the fact that I have sex with men wipes out all other things about me, neutralizes anything good I ever did, negates any positive character traits or accomplishments. Phi Beta Kappa or Faggot, which is uppermost in such a person's mind when they see me? I've the feeling that I know the answer. So I've embraced that but I do see the arguement that there is more to me, there IS. Its just that the bigots of the world will never SEE that until something changes in their minds, or in our world. Though I wish with all my oft-mended heart that it were different, this world sees little beyond the black of a black man and the gay of a gay man. 'True Nature', I dunno about that term myself. I've always known I wasn't str8 but the rest, well, I'd like to think I was something else besides just a guy who likes dicks. I do embrace, usually, what is refered to in the media as 'gay culture', I liked Judy Garland and high heels before I could talk and while gaydar may be a myth, a finely tuned sense of camp is something almost no gay men seem without. I never learned to be butch, Daddy couldn't throw a ball or change a tire to save his life, so maybe I just fell into that category more easily than some, maybe I wasn't kicking as hard. The thing is, whether you accept or reject 'gay culture', whatever the hell that is, you have to like YOURSELF and, one hopes, whoever it is that you are calling your tribe. In fact, why not like all tribes, why not just accept others, failings included, and shoot for something more like humanity as a culture? I guess I'm wandering again... Gee whiz, did you have to go there? That's plain disgusting... AMEN! "God, look at her tits, I can't wait to take junior to kindergarten!" The purpose of sex is to have an orgasm. Hmm. Well, yes and no. I get a lot of other things from most sex, even the most casual, but yeah, orgasm/release is sort of the driving force sometimes. Still, seems awfully reductionist to say that's all it is, except for masturbation. What about people who don't have orgasms ever? What if you don't have an orgasm sometime, does that mean it was purposeless? What if it made you happy? Well, that IS the position of the Church. Masturbation is also a sin, presumably because it wastes potential persons. Betcha didn't know all those wadded up kleenex could send you to hell. Well, I agree with that, I don't think we CAN change the str8 world's image of us if we don't like ourselves. And it'll take time anyhow but things do change, as I've mentioned, and sometimes for the good. Black people, gay people, Jews, are somewhat less subject to bigotry in daily life than fifty years ago and perhaps things will continue to improve. In the here and now, though, what seems crucial to me is that we not take aim at one another and if there is to BE a tribe, that we act like it and stop sacrificing what we see as our expendable tribemembers. Teen/Adult, Black/White, BDSM/Vanilla, Nellie/Butch, class differences...can't we all just be friends? Or at least, accept each other. Its called TOLERANCE. It doesn't mean you approve, it doesn't mean you agree, it just means you acknowledge that they have the right to think or live or be whatever they want and that them doing so won't do you any harm. You don't get superpowers when you hit 21, you can't fix everything, you're lucky if you can pay the bills and be reasonably content. Maybe we should all tend our own gardens? [Wasn't Voltaire cool?] Peace. Tragic Rabbit Rules to live by- 1.Even if you and I don't agree, I respect you and we can coexist in peace. 2.Your way may not be my way, I will work to welcome your differences. 3.I will celebrate the diversity between us. 4.I will work through the changes life brings. 5.I will challenge narrow mindedness. 6.I will try to keep my relationships with others uncomplicated. 7.I will try to welcome different viewpoints and learn from them. 8.I realize that others can teach me something new about myself daily. 9.I know that the world is much bigger than you and me. 10.I know that the world is much more interesting with you and me in it. -[Jewish] Anti-Defamation League

My computer issues from Hell have not yet been resolved but I'm claiming them as my reason for chiming in so late. I've read the entire thread so forgive me if I get some ideas wrong or fail to attribute them correctly. Overall random impressions: I loved Gabe's posts, esp the nice long one later in the thread that was so eloquent and elegant. The Mail Crew are cool guys, I hope to meet them, at least online,sometime. Maybe they're allergic to rabbits. The married guys who love their wives and post, that's cool...sort of. I mean, its their lives but don't they have at least a little explaining to do to a younger gay guy who asks them Why? I mean, touchy seems a tad out of place. Guys closeted for decades, sure, I can understand and maybe I've done it here and there, I don't have a facial tattoo that says Queer but...maybe less defensive and more reality? Okay, there was no Internet but if you didn't know any other gay guys, dude, you were not looking is my opinion. And what's wrong with that guy on Are You Being Served? He's the most honorable character on that show, always nice to everyone and trustworthy as hell. He's NOT a bad role model. Random, I know this is all random and disorganized, sorry. Not that writing and hosting and editing on these sites isn't something, I think it is. I think it IS providing some role models, both real and fictional. I can't tell you how many (I can't tell you how many because I've lost all my farking files) emails I've gotten that said that Angel or Gene or Bobby or Trey or someone in Drama Club was a role model, no kidding, despite their being fictional. That they helped someone in REAL LIFE do something scarey or just feel better in a situation. Gee whiz, Angel wouldn't fit the bill for some of the posters here, he's visibly gay and not ashamed to say it. Is he me? Not exactly but now and then in my life, maybe he was/is/whatever. I've also enjoyed meeting other author's fictional people: TLOT, The Boyfriend & sequels,For The Love of Pete, The Lifeguard, those stories caught my attention and made me WANT to write. More recently, other stories have introduced me to people that I either wish I knew or wish I could ask out. Are they role models? Some of their authors are str8 or married to women, so its wrong to say that someone like that can't be a role model, at least in fiction. Someone in the thread said he wanted guys to NOT make the mistakes he did, to NOT marry str8 girls and risk them being miserable or committing suicide--now that's a definite stance, a role model of a reverse sort and not at all out of place, I'm thinking. Still, does it address what Gabe originally asked? I'm not so sure, I'm still thinking but I do know that what he wrote touched some things I think about more than a little. Aside: The constant references to guys who are effeminate or not in (or seeking to be in) a 'commited relationship', guys who like rainbow stickers and parades just fine and guys who hit on other guys (eg. ask them out or otherwise show interest) has me the tiniest bit offended. I mean, get real. Guys show interest, they ask you out or touch you, what do you expect, monks? They're letting down the whole 'tribe' by being sexual? By being less than MarlboroManly? Gimme a break. Why do any of us have an obligation to be some kind of specific Log Cabin Republiqueer without whatever you see as flaws? Of course, that backs up the posters who say that they're just living their lives, and that's cool, I suppose. The thing is, it hurts me sometimes to read How To Live My Life from someone who lives with a woman and goes to PTA meetings...no offense. Its just that...well, that's a lot less helpful than some of the stories themselves. Next thought. Some guys ARE effeminate. My FATHER is effeminate, I'm told. Maybe its the imprint I expect in men, the behavior I first associated with being male. Isn't one of the problems here, the stereotypical expectations of men in the first place? Not only that you sleep with women but that you ACT and LOOK a certian way. When I was younger, I NEEDED to see men acting in different ways and I found my role models where I could. Some guys are effeminate when you meet them in bars or wherever, queer spaces, but aren't in the office. I know a pilot for American Airlines who's quite camp, though he'd not like me saying so, and totally closeted at work. Like no one else at American is gay...but its his life. He does a lot of volunteer work, is he a role model? Sometimes yes, is it a full time job? I don't know. I can understand why he lives the way he does but I wouldn't want to BE him, no matter how many times being a pilot got me laid. And what's up with rainbows and stickers and that jazz? Sure, its stupid in a way but DAMN, why can't I sometimes be happy to be gay (more on that, below) and let someone else, who might also be gay, know that, better yet let someone str8 know that? YES, I have lost jobs, friends and family and had bad shit happen but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with ME, that means there's something wrong with the world and I wish it would change. Do I do anything toward that end? A little, now and then. I speak for groups, I volunteer for marches and crap, I hand out flyers on streetcorners, I volunteer my time and thought and, I suppose, my face and voice now and then a little bit. No big thing, I'm no activist exactly, but over time I might have made someone or two thinktwice and might have helped in a little bitty way some other person who is not str8. It HURTS me that even in these forums, there's this assumption that we all have to be Model Fags or some HRC shit, that we have to be middleclass, white, manly, vanilla sexual beings and almost no one even notices that the assumption is THERE. Grrr! (If you don't think rabbits can be dangerous, you've not seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail). When *I* was in high school (dramatic music swells, sounds of boredom and raspberries from the peanut gallery), the Gay-Straight Alliance was called the DRAMA CLUB (no sales pitch intended) and it helped keep me sane in an otherwise tedious black-and-white suburban world. Role Models? I found them where I could, closeted teachers I liked to think were queer, famous faces like Bowie and Boy George and other people who may not have said they were (or been) gay but were modeling a kind of Be Yourself thing that appealed to me, sexual openness and acceptance of whatever flavor. There was an actual Gay club in college and yes I went and yes I was scared to death...and met some friends from high school I hadn't seen in ages, it was pretty cool. No one acted fruity and no one had sex in the bathroom, it was just a club, a tad boring, so I never did a whole lot with it as I was more the party boy in those days. But it was there, which I appreciated. Some of you saying you never met a happily married gay couple or whatever, maybe you need to get out more and I don't mean bars. Join a gay church or gay center, meet some regular people. Some are parents, some are couples, some are sluts, some are funny, some are ridiculous, some are leather and some are virgins. I mean...what's with all the stereotypes here of all places? What's with all the vitriol aimed at various segments of the tribe? Contrary to popular belief, I'm not the nelliest jelly bean in the basket. Still, I don't make any effort whatsoever to be butcher than I am and maybe that's why I've had the negative shit that I have had, maybe its NOT why. I've done monogamy, but I'm not looking to do it again anytime soon. Why is it better? Why do I have to say I want that or that my fictional characters want that? Is that being a role model? If so, count me out. I like sex, sue me. Being in love is great but you lose sleep and worry a lot and then they skip out and steal the stereo so why is it the only thing I'm supposed to want? What's wrong with having friends and being casually sexual and going home to your cats? I love my cats. I'm only supposed to speak or hand out flyers if I have a ring on my finger? If I'm saving myself for Mr. Right? If I'm careful not to be too prissy? A friend of mine, 40+ conserviqueer, finds me terribly entertaining but never, ever hestitates to insist that I help with whatever he's got going in the way of panels, speaking, flyers, rallies, discussion groups. I remember talking to him once, being more than a little annoyed that he thought he had to TELL me that my masculinity was not an affront to him, that my whatever, demeanor, was not preventing him from thinking I was an intelligent and useful spokesperson and that he liked me. I don't think he'd date me (I could be wrong) but...while I'm glad he appreciates me, I wonder why he had to make those statements to me, why he had to justify in his own mind including me in the political activities he organizes. I do see that he can see that role models don't come in only one flavor, I just wish he didn't have to work his mind around it to get to that acceptance. And this is our tribe? We must be cannibals...(no meat-eater jokes, please). Am I going to be voted off the Island for this post? Bit too preoccupied today to worry about so here it goes. Ramble, ramble. Sorry, I'm trying to find my direction and have lost my compass. This thread is interesting but I'm not sure I like some of its presumptions. My mood is lousy today, forgive me if I sound mean. Kisses... TR

Graeme, I'm wondering why you thought it was over the top? Because you saw it as 'just' a poem about masturbation? The history I refer to is quite real, I meant what I wrote, though I also saw the humor of that particular approach to the subject. I can laugh and still be dead serious; I must be Irish. Kisses... TR

This is linked on the front page New Poems section. So I'm wondering if anyone liked this poem, its only my second one in many years [i did write a lot of poetry in HS but not since]. Did the photos add to the overall experience or were they distracting? Did you like the message of the poem at all? The style? Kisses... TR

IM me and we can talk. I don't think I could put a huge amount of time into it but could possibly help jumpstart things. I don't mean to sound bitchy but the only serious editing I do is a reciprocal situation with another AD writer. Still, as I say, jumpstarting things is a definite maybe. <G> Peace. TR

Big fat hug! Anytime, you know that. The story is great, don't worry, I'm still thinking that maybe we're helping ourselves and each other when we write painful things, whether they touch on our pasts or just on our past hurts in general. Maybe we purge ourselves, maybe the writing is a psychic enema and we'll love the results even if not always the process. Kisses...hugs and whatever you need, RM. TR

Yeah, that's something that anyone can relate to, the feeling you get when you're in a crowd of gay people, a very positive sort of feeling. You can also go to places that aren't bars, if that's not your thing or if you'd like to try other things, and get that same affirming sort of feeling. Gay churches, political groups or rallies, volunteering at your local GLBT center or joining local gay teams (bowling, softball, whatever). Sometimes its just amazingly good to be in a large group of gay people. Good luck with your family, ThirdEye. Kisses... TR

*blush* really? Geez... But seriously, thanks, I did put a lot into this from an emotional standpoint and want the story, whenever I can get it proofed/edited to be as close to perfect as I can get it, as close as I can come to how it seemed in my head the other day. I also did check on some of the time-specific information used and, in one instance, deliberately used something that I knew to be innaccurate because I liked the effect. I guess this qualifies as my first 'historical' fiction and I think I'm interested in doing more. I've always liked ghost stories, reading the occasional story in the gothic vein is a secret passion, seldom admitted to. I first encountered this style in a box of steamy gothic romances that my mum gave me as I teetered on the cusp of puberty. They were, evidently, something she'd gotten out of her system as a teen but they fascinated me! I'd never read such torrid romances and often with nothing more, if even, a single kiss exchanged! Thwarted passion, heartfelt longing, tragedy and pathos! Hardcore hetero, of course, which is, in part, where last week's idea of a brooding, romantic gay ghostie boy came from. A mouldering mansion, a melancholy love-lorne ghost...but with a difference-he likes boys. Anyhow...glad anyone liked it, and gladder still that I made someone cry. I was a bit teary when writing a couple bits myself, esp the end. Evidently, its not clear at the end what the white rose on the doorstep is about? Yes? No? Just a little add on. I'm also wondering how Christian came across? Is he interesting? Likable? Understandable? Believable as a boy of his time? What about Ian? Thomas, was he believable or was his change around Christian too...something, too abrupt or unrealistic? Was the tone and style of the writing too heavy handed or did it fit the situation? It's formal but seemed to be what the tale called for...but definitely a first for me, writing that much purple into my prose. Felt a bit like some overblown 19th century novelist. But fun as hell! What parts of SEE did anyone like best? Least? I'm still waiting on proofing but should have a better version soonish. The idea just hit me late last week and its delayed the other projects a tad but not too much, the DC stuff due last weekend, for instance, and the other short stories sitting here in note form. For some reason, this one had to be written right away, something I prefer to do if I'm able. If I'm not, I make as detailed a batch of notes as I can and then set it aside. Right now, I have several really good ideas (so thinks I, in all modesty) but they haven't found their way to fruition yet, thus making me even more determined to write when the bug hits. For them that asks, no, DC [A Kuo Christmas, DC19, a new spoof] ain't cancelled, just delayed. Kisses... TR

AJ I'm wondering how that went over as a first contact fanmail? <snicker> Kisses... TR

I loved the story, too. I found it on Nifty on my first visit to the Gay/Military section at the end of last week. When I mentioned it to Dude, he was, at that moment, reading and planning to post Being Gay Sucks, which is also good! Same author, Ruthless! I like that D&V uses the conventions of many old stories, archteypal encounters with Death by mortals, and then adds a gay love twist. The setting is excellent, one that spoke to me and that I've read a lot about. I actually liked this, his first effort I'm told, even better than BGS which the author prefers. I thought it was very beautiful, very moving. Kisses... TR

Thanks for the compliment on the size of my vocabulary,Blue. I've always been told that I was above average in that department. 8) The Dude himself created my avatar from original [reader] artwork. Criticize the Dude and die a slow death by sarcasm... Kisses... TR