Tragic Rabbit

Precisely what I told Codey. And they are nothing like flu shots, EC, getting any piercing with a needle is kind of trippy and cool in and of itself. Kisses... TR

Maybe he needs help bringing it, ah, up?:p TR :twisted:

Dear Rad, They are funny, aren't they?? Whitehouse.org is that site but it's part of the Chickhead group: http://www.chickenhead.com/ This is another of their sites: http://www.sexisforfags.com/ They are hilarious and welcome donations! I love funny people... And I love you, too, Rad. Kisses... TR

My left ear is pierced because THAT is my gay ear. The other ear is pansexual. In fact, my earring is a very thick gauge and I like it a lot. Makes me look ever so butch. As does the tongue stud. I'm so tough, I sometimes scare myself. TR

http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2005/073105.asp (even the links at the end are...interesting) TR

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

http://www.bongonews.com/comics.php

http://www.tragicrabbit.org/poems/Homosexu...a%20by%20TR.htm

I liked it alot, esp the title line-sounds a bit e. e. cummings. Is this your first poem here at AD? Kisses... TR

Beef of course :) I prefer commas and only one 'or' when listing choices in a series. Was this a trick question? TR

Gabe, this is Josiah (I think!), a new author recently acquired by AD. An essay of his is on the front page but what we're really working on is The Angel, an unusual serialized novel he's almost finished with. Maybe it'll be up by next week. Josiah, you might be interested to learn that both Gabe and I have Angel novels, his is called 'Angel' and mine is 'Drama Club', featuring Angel. Neither are like yours though. We also have Jamie's 'Scrolls of Icaria', a lovely sword and sorcery type thing with winged boys. Again, very different from YOUR Angel. I'm trying to keep people in suspense until the first chapters of 'The Angel' are actually posted. This is all to save you time when people say, hey, ANOTHER AD Angel?? WUWT? And... Welcome to the Poetry Forum, Josiah! Uh, if you're back at the PC, can you help with the edits, please? We're having a bit of a time with the formatting... Kisses... TR 8) PS. Gabe, I think he's your age.

Thank you very much for the pretty postings, I appreciate them. Especially now. TR

I'm going to be nice here but first I'd like to say that you were the one asking for style tips, not me. Not at all. Comments, yes. Since you did this, this time, here's my (secondary-my initial was digital) response: 1) I don't think parallel lines make anything at all more meaningful, they just sounded prettier in my head. And that's it. The last stanza is not more personal than the earlier ones. Not much is more personal than a physical response, when your breath catches just because someone you like is close-that's personal, baby. Words not said, things not done, those are personal ideas, especially when you are looking back...not necessarily regretfully, just thoughtfully. Enjoying the experience, maybe a trifle astonished that someone has remained so clear in a corner of your mind, someone not your lover. Maybe the not-lovers, the unkissed boys, are the ones best remembered anyhow. 2) 'but' is in the first line, not the second, and that's on purpose...and that's how I like it. I know that makes it jagged, I like jagged edges. I like pretty sounds. I never 'alliterize' on purpose, I write what I hear...and sometimes there's alliteration. Sometimes there's something else. I don't 'prod' anything around, I just write what I hear in my head. And I don't always want definitive lines, I don't always care for them in poetry OR prose, mine or someone else's. One reason I'm a fan of Gabe's stuff. 3) Bicentennial is the word I meant. It refers to 1976. There were commerative coins struck. A bicentennial coin is shiny, like the 1976 dollar in my jewelry box, because you don't use it, you save it. Also, it's something historical in History class. So I don't see how changing 'bicentennial' to 'penny' would be at all good (do you think 'bicentennial' means 'tuppence'?). The boy shines in my memory LIKE a shiny coin. If you don't like this line, fine, but I like it okay just as it is, thanks. Don't you find it difficult always to be so correct, Professor Higgins? 4) I would change the meaning AND change what I heard in my head were I to make those changes and, further, I see no point. The last line is MEANT to be the way it is and there's nothing wrong with the syntax. It is deliberately not simple usage but it is correct usage...and even if it wasn't, it would still be what I want there. Removing 'me' would ruin the last line, in my opinion. And, as I say, I like the structure, the order of the words, in the second to last line. Of course, since you started out by saying you 'rather like the ending', this is all a bit... 5) It is difficult to take you as anything other than what you are, Dear Henry. Perhaps you could try another key? And I have now written more words in a post than are contained in the poem it discusses. TR

Because AJ forced me to count lines (damn his eyes!), I'll add my penninsky (?) pence. I agree about (1), think (2) would be good but is ok w/o the change, but for (3), that means something entirely different AND gives a different image-the one Der Nail has combines skin glowing outward with knowledge/years AND showing up as in showing us the effects of years, so I cannot agree with AJ. (4) was utterly weird to me, I only realized you meant an article of furniture after several reads, I am not sure 'lounger' is a good choice for your image here, nor see any need for furniture references at all, frankly and (5) I get what AJ means here but I also think breaking up patterns has uses...like when you stick in a punchline that differs mightily from the main text...for effect. Bells ringing, Naillo? I agree flatout with DJ, RusticMonk and Codeyspen. :twisted: Now listen, I don't pretend to be the sweet one around here but have you offered enough (constructive) criticism to be able to demand in several posts that we supply you with same? I'm just thinking here of some of your posting patterns, you know, that thing you said not to mention. Well, I'm mentioning it. I think you should be glad for this response thread, most of the stuff I post here gets ziltch and took a lot more time than a poem. I complain now and then, sometimes noisily, but that's how it is. A little quid'll get you more quo. Of course, they also compare honey and vinegar in regards to flies but since when do I listen to 'they'? Ok, that's my contribution, flyboy.:twisted: Kisses cast like pearls.... TR

The Untouched Boy by TR In History class, you sat beside me; The untouched boy, long legs akimbo, Hair silken against your collar and Clever comments beneath your breath. I never told you, never said a thing But your low voice would give me shivers, Would chill my flesh and warm my hearth Until your words melted to murmurs. My face said nothing, my lips said less But your hand brushing against my skin Would chase the Gilded Age and those European wars clean out of my head. I was a talker, a drama princess, but Looking at you left me inarticulate Longing for you left me short of breath Listening for you left me deaf to the world. I never told you that I wanted to touch you, Needed your heartbeat under my fingertips, To trace the pulse inside those tight jeans And steal your breath between parted lips. I?ve lost your name but recognize your scent And well remember how you slouched in that desk, Whispering to me while the Depression bloomed; Grapes of Wrath, sweet on the vine, unpicked. Among all the men I?ve known and forgotten You shine like a bright bicentennial coin; The History I best remember is what never was- Me leaning over just once for your trembling kiss. *

Haha, thanks and welcome to AD, DJ. For more of my insane humor (in verse), you can try: 'Dead Boyfriends', 'Ode to a Wilted Trojan', 'You Are So Cold' and 'My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose'. If they aren't all here, they're definitely at www.tragicrabbit.org in the Poetry section. Also on that site are Codey's poems and things. My favorite of his is the Unicorn one... Kisses... TR

The Dude's been making me read stuff lately and I finally read Fifteen. Damn. Really gorgeous. I'm deeply jealous of the word use-ments the author structures and his lovely strings of English. The sex is beautiful, the boys are wonderful, the situation believable, nothing overdone or underdone. Sigh. Really excellent. Sweet, sad, precious story. Kisses... TR

This story is awesome, please go read it. The Dude made me and I'm so glad he did, despite how I never seem to have time to read everything I want to. This is a great story, lots of romance and sex, great historical stuff but even better current events. Synopsis: 170-year-old Austrian Prince Karl Josef Gustav, Karli, our narrator vampire, awakes in 2004 with a problem: how to find his lost true love, who is surely reincarnated (again) after a fatal encounter with the SS in wartime Germany. En route, Karli picks up hottie hustler Emil Paulik from a Zurich park for a little nighttime fun but gets much more than he bargained for-as does Emil. Karli, the mortal Emil at his side, follows his lost love to a United States overrun by fascisti Christian fundamentalists whose uniformed street brawlers remind him disturbingly of Berlin between the wars. Will Karl reunite with his reborn true love? And will Emil choose to become a vampire? Will America become the new Nazi state? What can an Austrian vampire in Georgetown do to thwart the plans of fanatics high in the American government and military? Read Dark Prince to find out...linked front and center on AwesomeDude's homepage. Kisses... TR

My favorite tee-shirts from that site: I Only Support Gay Marriage If Both Chicks Are Hot Frat Boys Give The Best Blowjobs I Taught Your Boyfriend That Thing You Like It's Okay That I Eat Meat Cuz I Eat All The Gay Animals If You're Already This Close, Why Don't You Just Suck My Dick? Sorry Girls, I Suck Dick Some of My Best Friends Are White People You'll Vote Next Time, Hippie All I Want Is Peace In The MiddleEast (and a blowjob)

Aww, thanks. I keep trying different things that come into my head, still looking for my 'style' or my 'voice', whatever that may be. Looking for ways to express visions or feelings that appear inside my brain. I'm experimenting and that's one reason, I think, that DC has slowed down to a crawl, it has a specific style and form and my head/heart want to flex in other directions. I still like the longer form of a novel but it's easier to experiment with short stories and poems since they're shorter. I want to find new ways, new for me anyhow, of sharing feelings from my inside with readers. New ways of seeing things that float around my head, see if other people grok them. And that's how I try to improve, that and reading constantly, online and off. I've always read and I do believe that reading is the best preparation for writing, that and writing itself as much as you can. Nothing like practice to make perfect, or anyhow improve. Kisses... TR

Yes, that was deliberate, as part of the 'punchline'. TR

No, I think rabbits typically expire in the commission of that act for which they are most famous, and which has littered the world with bunnies. Quantity and quality. Tragic, but what a way to go. Kisses... Tragic Bunny

That is not Angel in the fridge, Dude. Kisses... TR

I am so romantical that it makes me sneeze. Kisses... TR

* You Are So Cold You are so cold, my Love, Wherefore art thou so, pray do tell? Have I not loved you long, And, have I not loved you well? Sweet, why the frozen smiles, Why thus, your snowcapped frosty glare? Have you ceased to want me, Dear, do you no longer care? You gave your beating heart, Beloved, gave it up to me; And I have kept it close, Under kisses, lock and key. You are my heart?s true love, You are my hard-won symphony; There are no words to tell Just how much you mean to me. Your icy gaze repels, your Cold shoulder, a mountain ridge; Would you look on me more fondly If I took you from the fridge? *