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Madrigal

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Blog Entries posted by Madrigal

  1. Madrigal

    Ad Nauseam

    By Madrigal,

    Quote from a previous blog about my avatar pic:
    The experience of unveiling this for critique was a little unsettling. I didn't expect people to have much of an opinion on the subject, since nobody in class was transgendered or queer as far as I knew. And I had no idea if the propaganda and my own beliefs would be confused as the same. Anyway there it is. Technically mediocre, but fun to make nonetheless. I can't remember the exact dimension. Something like... 18x12in? Hmmm.
  2. Madrigal
    I guess it starts again.
    I'm double majoring in Art History and Painting. I find it's harder, for me, than premed. The image is a drawing I worked on my first semester of school. Medium is charcoal. That was some fine paper... wish I could afford drawing on it exclusively. It felt like cotton. I started working on it at midnight. I find myself more relaxed the sleepier I am. No inhibitions. If anybody can tell me why I'm unproductive while I'm fully awake, I'm willing listen.
    Anyway, I'm now in my 5th semester. I sadly had to start from scratch, but it's no biggie, I suppose. I'm enjoying things and loving life more and more as I expand my 'arsenal'.
    Cheers.
  3. Madrigal

    Pain and Suffering

    By Madrigal,

    Oww Oww Owwwwww!
    My arms hurt a lot. Well, not the entire arm, just the back of it, right next to my elbow. One of my good friends asked me to go to the gym with him yesterday, and I agreed. On the way there I kind of also agreed to do weight training thrice a week with him. I hurt so frickin' bad.
    I told him I had weak arms, since I've never really done any weight training... so he told me to get on the floor as he did so. He showed me how to do pushups and exercises with stretch bands; he said they would be a little easier than lifting weights...
    Well, I agreed to it, but little did I know that he wanted to do pushups and arm exercises for 50 mins! Ugh. By the time we reached 40 mins, I could barely bend my arms. That's when we started stretching to go home. And now I'm here, lying on my bed and pretty much unable to do anything at all. I grabbed a banana (Potassium source) and it helped with the cramping. It's gone... but now I have a lot of pain. No doubt it's a good pain, as I doubt I pushed myself to the point of pulling a muscle or something. But it just hurts so bad. It better improve by tomorrow, or I'm going to have to wuss out of going with him.
    In other news, I've been studying for my chemistry exam all day. Going to do so again tonight (10 pm) at the school's library with a ton of friends. Hopefully I'll do good enough on this test to be able to not do so well on the final. Bleh.
    Finals are getting very very close. They're only about three weeks away, so I doubt I'll be around too much. Wish me tons of luck, peeps.
    Oh, and he wants to do pullups tomorrow :(. *TEAR*
    Maddy (:
  4. Madrigal

    I don't get politics :/

    By Madrigal,

    And since I don't get politics, I won't talk about politics. It's just a reason to sound stupid.
    I'm sitting in the Business computing commons waiting for the proctor approval. It's been fifteen minutes and my patience is dwindling. I don't know how many more times the damn browser will refresh itself before I lose my patience and throw the monitor at the girl in front of me, who's most likely checking her myspace or facebook, as most people are doing right now.
    A rhetorical question: Why do we wait for straight people to validate our equality?
    Until I see a serious gay candidate for the presidency of the United States, I will not have witnessed equality. I don't care how many benefits I am promised, or how many I am given. Meh. More to come a little later. I now need to heed the TA's calling and do my test.
  5. Madrigal

    Stupid Jason

    By Madrigal,

    So, I was all ready to write a long and angsty blog about not having a place to put my poetry at and losing important people in my life... but then I read Jason's blog and it made it better.
    *sigh*
    Some news: My sister left the country, my parents are whiny, and real life is relatively simple at the moment. Can't exactly say that about my internet life, but life goes on.
    Maddy (:
  6. Madrigal

    Sex

    By Madrigal,

    I just finished my sixth Essay in the past three weeks, and am about to start writing my biology report and working on my presentation about nest desertion amongst the Greater Flamingo. I was actually going to research gay flamingos, but I couldn't use sources outside of the academic journal off of the school site (stupid rules). It's ok though, I'll just slip something in about gay flamingos during the presentation, since my very attractive and sweet TA seemed a little too interested when I was discussing the topic with him.
    I've been running on caffeine lately. Two and a half days, to be exact. I worked on my O. Chem report yesterday all day, after doing some psychology homework and studying a bit for my lab test. I made one trip to QuikTrip yesterday and one today, just after going to WalMart to get some color ink for my printer. I'm very glad I got the HP instead of Lexmark... their ink is so much more expensive hahaha. I feel poor when I say that, but it's alright, 'cause I am kinda poor right now.
    I only have one very good gay friend (the guy I pretty much loved for two years, and still I feel something for him, though I'd rather have him as a friend than anything else). He likes sex... a lot.
    What is so appealing about sex?
    I mean, I do feel attracted to 'bodies', or else I wouldn't know the difference between gay and straight. I don't know, I just guess I don't get it. I mean yeah, I probably would have sex with the one I love, someone that makes me feel all tingly inside (no pun intended). But... why is everyone so promiscuous?
    I'm kind of afraid of sex. When I think of sex, it makes me want to be alone for the rest of my life... because I know that if I fall in love with someone and my love is returned, it will be inevitable.
    Meh.
    Maddy (:
  7. Madrigal

    Fact and Fiction

    By Madrigal,

    I do realize that the second one is virtually irrelevant, but I still enjoy reading a great work every once in a while, or writing a chapter of the many stories that are widely unfinished in my "novels" folder.
    Life is ok. This past year I've acted like both a child and an adult, and it seems that only acting like a child has given me results that I would expect adult behavior to produce (though I'm very ashamed of acting like a child). Some adult behavior has given forth delicious fruit, but for the most part I'm disappointed at its latent sprouting. There were only two from each category recently that revealed predictable outcomes, and so here they are.
    Memorable Adult behavior #1: relationships. I found a guy, gave him my heart and then found out that he was being naughty with three other boys behind my back. Oh well. He wanted naughty with me and naughty pictures as well, so when I refused he found them elsewhere. Sucks for him. :pouts: Why is this memorable? I've learned to be as careful as possible. Everyone is capable of being a super freak, no matter how hot they are.
    Memorable Adult behavior #2: I tell my parents that I'm gay, and they take it pretty hard. Consequences are irrelevant, since lately they've been great parents and I'm closer to them than ever before. Relationship with both of them has improved greatly, and I think I'm ready to move back home.
    Memorable Child behavior #1: Internet withdrawal. I became very depressed, and so I left the internet for what seemed a very short time. Guy in adult behavior #1 was the reason why I came back so quickly, so I guess something good came out of that mess. I hurt some very important people to me in the process, and am very ashamed of myself. No more childish Maddy, I promise.
    Memorable Child behavior #2: I refused to follow my strict diet (falling back into my horrible obese-like eating habits) and so gained ten pounds in two months. I am now exercising once again, and I believe this little slip-up was due to my depression. Oh well, I'll get over it.
    In other news, my sister has announced that she's moving back to our native country and teaching in an American school in Guadalajara. That means that my parents will no longer have the extra money that she agreed to pay for the house they recently bought, and also means that I'll have to live with them and help them. I don't mind, since my relationship with them has very much improved. I'm ready to make sacrifices for them, even if it costs me a little freedom (I doubt I'll be able to come home at 4 am any longer).
    A little vacation is in the works. I've bought my plane ticket and am saving up for living expenses and the like. 2 months out of this country will do me good, methinks.
    Maddy (:
  8. Madrigal

    Frappuccino

    By Madrigal,

    Seeing as I foolishly decided to have a 32-ounce frappuccino from QuikTrip, I am now unable to sleep. This, of course, means that tomorrow morning, at exactly 10:40, I will enter my Advanced Chemistry class looking like a sleep-deprived, slightly well-dressed hobo. I really hope that cute guy decides not to go to class tomorrow :shrug:.
    My life has been a bit chaotic these past two weeks. I am once again drowning in tons of hw, but I guess I sort of enjoy it. Drowning in familiar waters is much more enjoyable than swimming without a sense of direction.
    I have once again started writing poetry (wow, I say 'once again' a lot), which will be uploaded to my site sometime this or next week. I haven't written any short stories, but I think I shall start very soon. I feel like writing something depressing, as always, but I'll try to make my stupid lovely muse write something happy and romantic. *Pats self on back*
    Going over some of my other shorts, I've realized that I sound like a complete foreigner. Oh Buddha, I guess I really am a foreigner after all. Damn, all of these years trying to assimilate to American culture and now I find out that I will never truly be an American [/sarcasm].
    I've been listening to all of these political-debate radio stations while driving from home to school, and I have to say that I am very impressed. I didn't know conservatives had all of them so intelligently controlled [/sarcasm^2]. I just keep hearing about McCain being this facade-slut, Hillary being a better bet for conservatives than McCain (now that Giuliani is out of the race), and how Obama is one racist bastard. Oh, and the occasional 'wall of shame' discussion. Though I think they refer to it as establishing a border.
    Hmm, I really don't get it. They're starting to call every politician that doesn't endorse the wall an 'open-borders Advocate'. There's no such thing as an open border. It's just a fuckin' border. These conservative idiots are turning things around, denying the similarities between the 'wall of shame' and the berlin wall, as well as the Great Wall of China (bahaha, don't take me seriously, I'm ranting).
    This is just absolutely ridiculous. I don't get it at all. Statistics show that while many immigrants DO cross the border illegally, they don't do it via the actual 'unprotected' borders. In fact, they do it via coyotes, and with the help of our [very numerous] corrupt border officers. Building a wall will only make these illegal immigrants overstay, because a big chunk of them only come for seasonal work, and then go back to their country of origin. These 'conservatives' are using the issue of immigration as a coverup for the real problem: an economically-failing presidency 8 years overdue [bush reference #1]. And now they want to make up for it by attacking not only McCain, but also Bush. Oh lord, what a great way to make yourself look like an idiot.
    "McCain is not a true conservative"--radio talk show host
    [/rant]
    Wow. I have no sense of politics. I'm sorry. I really should stop listening to those radio shows. They're affecting me.
    Anyway, since I can't sleep and I obviously won't be able to for the entire night--for I have a very LOW tolerance for caffeine-- I have now opened a word document, a spreadsheet, and a browser window. I'm looking at directions for my biology lab, which is due in about a week. Let me get an early start.
    Maddy (:
  9. Madrigal
    You close your eyes inadvertently and immediately see a fat, brown woman with her mouth unnaturally wide-open, and hear here singing opera.
    I believe that I need to start sleeping regular hours...
    I was thinking of posting a couple of poems on my blog... but I haven't written any *shrug*
    Maddy (:
    *can't remember writing this *shrugx2**
  10. Madrigal

    Interesting

    By Madrigal,

    Results Here
    Funny how a damn sequence can tell you so much about yourself. Too bad most of us already know this.
    *cough*
    I'm at a point in my life in which I simply feel the need to 'achieve'. There are so many things to 'achieve', but so little time, and diminishing resources. Money is not on my side, either. I was born into a low-income family, and now I don't even have their emotional support to carry me through-- I guess I should've been straight.
    But, today brought a VERY pleasant surprise :D. I went to my mail box and to check out the gym key at the office once again, and as I was about to leave, the postwoman came in and asked the manager to hold a package for "insertmynamehere". Two dear friends from across the Atlantic sent me a gift (:. I was thrilled. It's the only Christmas gift I got this (last) year, so it was pretty special. It was wrapped in pretty pink paper and I didn't want to open it :O.
    Now I DO want to open it... but it's just so pretty. I think I might just take a couple of pictures tomorrow and hang them in my room (I'm not even kidding).
    In other news... I have not written a poem in about two weeks. This is a first for me... I usually spit them up at a rate of at least one/day... but I feel drained. The job is getting really boring... I guess I shouldn't have gotten accustomed to the holiday rush. Everything seems to move so slowly now.
    Maddy (:
  11. Madrigal

    Uvula

    By Madrigal,

    So about two days ago, my manager asked me if I could come in and take care of the floor displays, make them look all pretty and stuff. Of course, before I said anything I thought to myself 'do I have anything exciting to do New Year's Day?', and the answer was naturally 'no'. Well, I didn't count in the possibility of being exhausted from working 10 days in a row.
    This morning I woke up with a giant uvula. I don't know why or how this happened. My best guess is that I slept with my mouth open and either got infected or it's just swollen up. *sigh* It's very uncomfortable, as I find myself gagging half of the times I swallow. I didn't even know what that little dangling appendage was called before googling it. I've just always called it 'la campanita' ('the little bell').
    So, I called in and my manager was like 'there's nobody else covering the floor but you, insertname'. I felt so bad. But I really don't feel like going to work and vomiting on the floor. That would be shameful. I even called main register to let them know, and I believe they've arranged so one of their people goes over to my section *sigh*.
    New Year's was nearly uneventful. I watched 4 movies, and cooked for myself and my dear roommate all day haha. That's what I do when I have free time and I don't feel like writing :P. But then we went to Mill Avenue (the most overcrowded street in the entire state of AZ) and had tons of fun going to the bars (though I hate to drink, but we met some friends and it was fun nonetheless).
    My next important holiday will be 4/20. No, I don't celebrate it 'that way'. It's my b-day. I have a couple of friends who would literally kill for my birthday. Though I'm trying to change that O:.
    My new year resolutions are:
    To have amazing abs have a better [a bit more muscular] body by the end of this year
    To get a much less boring job
    To get straight A's in school
    To join at least one GLBT organization at school
    To write at least 50 more poems
    To read at least 10 books [especially a certain Ayn Rand classic that's been calling to me since last year]
    To learn to trust the right people (slip ups allowed)
    Maddy (:
  12. Madrigal
    I'm not very good at introductions.
    *clears throat*
    I'm a very troubled person with many secrets.
    When it comes to communicating with others [self-communication is possible when you're so emotionally unstable, if you're wondering], I am either a minimalist or the opposite.
    I like to run in the rain, and I quite enjoy the occasional and ill-intended splash of cars.
    I like to take sick days when I'm completely healthy and the weather outside is great. I grab charcoal, watercolors, and their respective sheets and head off to the nearest park on my bike.
    I was once a very heavy individual, to the point that my right knee busted out of nowhere; I now feel extreme pain when the surrounding temperature drops below 30F. I am now very healthy.
    My life is rather hectic. I'm sort of a workaholic, and even though I love writing, I barely ever find time to write anything but poetry.
    I am a sales associate for Calvin Klein, Kenneth Cole, Claiborne, and several other collection brands at a fashion square.
    I was a math/English tutor for a while, and I've realized that I could possibly become a teacher, though I probably won't due to the lack of 'monetary' incentive.
    I am rather jaded, or so I have been told.
    I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of life, but I enjoy it as much as I can. The people I meet are the only thing that keeps me going.
    I have had a long time to think, and therefore I know much more about myself than I probably should.
    Philosophy is my life, and vice versa.
    *looks around*
    That was easy. Well, it is nice to meet you too. I hope we can be friends. Just try not to hurt me. ;]
    Maddy

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