aj

Hey Blue-- ever heard of Phrank? She's very cool...just your average jewish, lesbian folk singer. I think you'd like her. cheers! aj

Whoo-hoo! You go, boy! cheers, aj

I find that people (big surprise here!) move back and forth between being believers in love and doing the random hookup thing. I remember sitting in a bar, many years ago, talking to an older gay guy and trying very hard to understand why he wouldn't want a love relationship with another man. I wasn't equipped with the experience to see his point about liking his independence and just wanting to have fun. About a year ago, i found myself explaining the exact same point of view that the older man had tried to convey to me in the bar, to a younger friend--with as little success as the man in the bar had with me, i might add. But between the time in the bar and the night i tried to explain it to my young friend, I'd had a relationship with a wonderful man who is still my best friend, and another relationship with a sociopath who I wouldn't piss on if he was on fire. And several smaller affairs in between. So I've been down that path, and i thought i was over it: I had my friends that i saw on a fairly regular basis, and i had my very dear friends who i live with, and my life felt fairly complete. I was content. Then i got a very strange letter in the mail, and all of a sudden I became a believer in true love again. Life is more peculiar and unpredictable than any of us can stand, so we try to establish rules and norms, and none of them are true. cheers, aj

Welcome to the company of men, saret. It's not uncommon for guys to be really nervous after such a profound experience...give your friend a little time to deal with what happened, and if he doesn't call you, call him. This is not the time to stand on false pride, and refuse to initiate contact. I hope that this situation works out well for you. Add my to Blue's, just for a rainy day. cheers! aj

I think that my ideal society is one in which the differences are acknowleged and allowed to be expressed and not judged. I think that there is a distinct gay sub-culture, which we have been forced to develope and which is worth keeping. I've never liked the 'melting pot' image, preferring instead the image of a tapestry, with many threads all combined to create a greater whole. cheers! aj

Anybody else read "Missing Piece of a Piano" over on Nifty? It's great. Written in an odd narrative tense...third person, present. About a young and very talented musician...it's good stuff and worth a read. cheers! aj

In fact, Codey, you're not talking about sex. the need for sex can be satisfied with your hand, or a toy or any number of other ways that don't involve another person at all. What you're talking about, in the larger scheme of things, is the right to pursue a relationship with another person without undue interference from the people around you, and that falls above the need for food, shelter, clothing and safety and security (and yes, sex too). And that explains why so many people remain closeted: they feel that their safety and security will be threatened if they come out, and the need for societal acceptance and a life lived in honesty fall above a need for safety and security. Further, i would argue that what you're asking for is indeed political acceptance, if you understand that 'politics' really means "the rules by which a society lives," just as ethics are the rules by which an individual lives his/her life. BTW, i do not disagree with you analysis of the sophistry practiced by the Christian right wing...there is no doubt in my mind that calling a loving relationship between two men or two women perverse based solely on the gender of the people invoved is, itself, extremely perverse and deeply hypocritical. Love is love is love, you schlemiels--get over it! cheers, aj aj

I've struggled with this post...written it four different times. I knew there was something that needed to be pointed out about Codey's argument, but couldn't quite put it into words. So I've given up. I'm not going to write anything, I'm just going to refer you all to a website that i think explains what i'm trying to say a lot better than i can: http://web.utk.edu/~gwynne/maslow.html. Having worked in psych a lot, I think it's safe to say that Maslow is right on the money in a lot of ways. Read the discussion on Maslow there, and i think you'll start to see why people don't give up their homes for political acceptance. If you're not sure how it's applicable, I'll be happy to provide some commentary later. cheers! aj /* Edited by blue as admin to correct website URL. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread, already in progress. :D ... Except at this time of evening, it appears none of the links in Maslow's page go anywhere. Try in the daytime. */

I don't know that fear of difference is enough to drive the vitriol that we all encounter out there. I'd like to propose another reason: Who are the people who oppose equal rights and tolerance for LGBT people? If you look at them all, as a group, you notice that there seems to be no common thread. But I think this is the common denominator: fear of change. Whether you're a redneck who believes gay love jus' ain't natural, and giving credence to such things would change the natural order of the world, or a conservative politico whose power is based in maintaining the status quo, or a right wing christian fundamentalist who believes that equal rights for gays would change a societal order that God laid down, the common thread is fear and hatred of change. Different motivations, same fear. What is the most common argument we hear for opposing gay marriage? It would destroy (change) the insitution of marriage, which is one of pillars upon which our western civilisation is founded. Hogwash, of course--heterosexuals need not look beyond their own behaviour for the death of marriage as an institution, but that's what we hear. Combine that with fear of difference, and i think you've got a pretty clear picture of what we face. cheers! aj

A last comment, which simply could not be repressed: to wit, if grammatically inked, to hook up with Blue would be best, For his heart, it would flutter And i can just hear him mutter, "A handsome man, AND perfect grammar--I'm twice blessed!"

He thought for a moment, then his fingers he clicked For he realized his eyes could be tricked: Not one mirror, but two-- The second he'd gaze into And the problem would be properly licked. LOL...Brilliant, guys! aj

Ok...Is anyone else confused at this point? Why am I confused? Let me summarize what i'm hearing... 1.) we want role models, but we don't want them to be the freaks and fags. We want nice, normal guys who live nice, normal lives and just happen to be gay. 2.) We don't want these guys to participate in gay pride parades, or necessarily to even be politically active--no signs around their necks saying "I'm gay." But we want it to be immediately obvious that they are gay, so that they can be role models for us. 3.) We'd prefer that they be involved in long term, monogamous relationships...or at least want to be. 4.) We want everyone who is gay to come out, regardless of the risks involved to their positions in the community, their relationships with their loved ones, or to their fortunes. If you don't do this, and a gay teen committs suicide, it may be construed as your fault. Is that a fair summary of what you're asking for? I've tried to winnow through all the words and find the kernels of what you want. Despite making these demands, I still haven't heard what it really is that you want from us. I keep hearing the words "be role models" but quite truthfully, i don't know what that means. The only role i know how to model is being me...and i doubt many teens would want to be me. I'm a product of my history: years spent being suicidal and desperately not wanting to be gay, years spent wondering if they were going to round up and quarantine gays during the years of AIDS hysteria, years spent in a happy monogamous relationship and years spent being a slut. And finally, after all those years of doubt and confusion and not knowing, reaching a place of balance and accomodation with who and what I am, and being relatively content and at peace with myself. But no one showed me how to get here, and (being rather hard-headed) i wouldn't have understood or paid any attention if someone had. Reaching a place where i have the confidence and fortitude to say to straight people, friends and strangers alike, "No, i won't come to your wedding because I can't marry the person of my choice." is something that has come as the product of a process, and one which i had to discover for myself. So, knowing that these things are true, it seems to me that what you are asking from us is a bit like the math teacher writing out a long and complicated equation on the board, and then saying "The answer is 42." And letting it go at that. Would you be satisfied with that? I'd hope not. But unlike the math teacher, we can't teach you how to get to the answer you're seeking, which it seems to me is something akin to "What must i do to be a happy and well adjusted gay man in this society?" All we can do is be there with an encouraging word when you fall down, and celebrate with you the moments of triumph. The falls and the triumphs are what teach you how to be happy. I wish it were easier, or at least less difficult, but it isn't. cheers, aj

A young man, with an aversion to 'to', 'too' and 'two' When corrected, cried "E tu, Blue?" Despite sound advice, their rules he'd slice and dice-- The answer, perhaps, is a "to, too, two rules" tattoo...

Thank god i've got a dubu in my name to protect that 'e'. And i thought i'd just point out the one other great virtue of 'Y'...it's the chromosome that makes us who we are. That alone is enough to make me very tolerant of the rest of Y's shenanigans. cheers! aj

We've sort of moved from the arena of coming out into another, far less pretty arena. It's an area of personal pet peeve, actually, which some of you have heard me spout about before...if so, i'm sure there's something good on tv...lol My point is this: I've noticed a distinct lack of tolerance within the gay 'tribe' (if that's the terminology you'd like to use). One of the surprises that I encountered when i came out, lo those many years ago, was that i was naive enough to believe that being gay and out was enough reason to set aside prejudice and work and love and live in relative harmony. Turns out it ain't so. Aaron touched on it, Codey specifically stated it, and even I alluded to it in my own post (which makes me as guilty of being a bigot as anybody). What is 'it'? The gay underclass: the queens, the 'out there' leathermen, the promiscuous, the cadre of the limp-wrists, the flamers. I've noticed, in recent years, that there is an overwhelming drive to assimilate in the gay community...This pervasive attitude that if we remake ourselves sufficently in the straight image, they'll overlook the fact that we like to go to bed with other men (or women, in the case of dykes). I remember reading, several years ago, a response from a big conservative pundit to an article written by Andrew Sullivan, a gay man who was the editor of "The New Republic." For those who don't know, it's a conservative rag. He'd written a editorial about gay marriage and published it in the paper he edited years before it was en vogue to do so...the boy definitely has balls. But this conservative writer replied with something along the lines of "We love Andrew, really we do...But he's wrong now, and always will be wrong. Let's have him go play in the sandbox and have a really adult discussion." The point is, even when we play their game and espouse their causes, they never forget who we are. In that drive to become 'acceptable' then, we tend to want to shed the members of our 'tribe' who won't allow us to get to close to the straight way of being--the fags, the queens, the faeries, etc. Those who choose to have multiple sex partners get lumped in there too, 'cause that's another bludgeon that's been used on us for a long time. You want to be a tribe? ok. Then be a real tribe. "Nobody gets left behind, and nobody gets forgotten." That's what it means to be a tribe. The fact is, despite how 'straight acting' we may all be, we're not straight. And no matter how many kids we raise, or wedding bands we wear, or vows we exchange, those who hate us for that reason ain't gonna forget or forgive. Those who express their sexuality differently than the 'straight acting' are no less members of the tribe, and cutting them off and leaving them behind in the drive for acceptance is an unacceptable compromise. cheers! aj

I read a story by lugnutz over on Dewey, involving 2 young men, a hot corvette and a screamin' beamer...not half bad...ok, it was actually really good. Welcome, Lugnutz! cheers, aj

I didn't get to finish my earlier post, as i had to go to a birthday dinner, so let me finish it now. I feel like i need to comment very briefly on what i wrote before: the tone in that post was designed to be similar to Gabriel's post--blunt and tough. I'm not usually that 'gloves off' in my posts. So let me finish what i was saying... Gay role models for youth...I actually disagree with Aussie here a bit. I think it's important for gay kids to know that there are a lot of us who are just average people, going about our business in a well adjusted way out here. Unfortunately, going about one's business in a well adjusted way tends to make one invisible, and sort of defeats the intent of being a role model. But making an issue of being gay, thus being more visible and becoming a viable role model, means that we're not going about our business in a well adjusted way. Catch-22. So what do we do about that? Leave it up to the Queens who walk around in wigs and heels or leather harnesses and chaps to be the only visible queers that kids will know about? That defeats the purpose as well. So what do i do about this problem? Well, being an online presence and talking to teens is part of my solution...and not getting offended when i get accused of having ulterior motives when my only desire is to make life just a little bit easier for a troubled gay kid is an acceptable consequence, though it always hurts a little. Still, as Soren Kierkegaard said, "Do the good and damn the consequences." Additionally, I volunteer my time and money to Lambert House here in Seattle, which is a drop in center for GLBT youth, from 13 to 21. I usually can be found up in the computer center, helping kids with homework and the like, because i'm not very good at just hanging out and listening to what passes for music with the teen age set :D And finally, I live in a large house that my best friend and i own and run as a boarding house, in the middle of the gay ghetto--that's Capitol Hill, in Seattle. We are both gay, and we rent our rooms to a variety of people, mostly younger, and of a variety of sexual orientations. My friend and financial partner and I act as role models of typical, middle class working gays to our renters, some of whom have never lived around gay people before...both the straight and gay ones. So i guess what i'm trying to say is that sometimes, one doesn't have to throw a parade to be a role model. Simply by quietly going about one's business and touching lives in a positive way, one can do good and combat a little of the homophobia in the world. cheers! aj

First question answered: nope. didn't know anyone who was gay until i was 24 and moved to Seattle. Second question: pro'ly not. I was raised an evangelical christian, and wasn't ready to come out, even at the point that i was dragged out of the closet. Other points: There is no tribe. There's a common interest group...I'd like to see my rights as a gay man be the same as those who are straight, and i'd like to see that for all gay people. But a tribe? By no stretch of the imagination do i include all men who sleep with other men in my tribe. As a matter of enlightened self interest, i'm happy to work with others of my sexual orientation on gaining greater acceptance, but that's all it is. Even if there were a tribe, no one owes anyone else the kind of currency that coming out prematurely can cost. It's a personal decision, and if it's not something one is comfortable doing, that's an end to it. I will draw a distinct line between that, however, and those who remain closeted while actively working against gay interests...that is unacceptable. Yeah, i know that an argument can be made for remaining closeted at all being a form of working against gay interests, but i'm not buying it. cheers! AJ

*applause*

I'm always delighted when i can add a new category to the list...lol

For a demonstration of where this kind of knowlege of grammar can get you, go to Drake's site "Drake Tales" and read "A Royal Thief." I can pretty much guarantee that you'll be blown away. cheers! aj

See the top of the post? it's true. You're not an idiot. Sometimes you may feel like one, or even act like one, but that doesn't qualify you. How do i know this? Idiots don't come to literary sites and read. They spend all their time watching televangelists and reruns of "Three's Company" and "Charlie's Angels" on TV. cheers! aj Oh yeah...sometimes they spend time at Monster truck rallies and tractor pulls, too...and a few have been spotted at Promise Keepers conventions as well.

Actually, you do have a future, unless you decide to deprive yourself of that opportunity. It may not seem like much of an opportunity, but life has a way of changing when you least look for it...sometimes bad, sometimes good. Yup, shit happens sometimes...but so does joy. wait for it, and keep your eyes open. it'll happen. aj

Poems don't have to be elegant in order to be good. Sometimes, simplicity says a lot more than something elaborate, with a complex imagery structure and formal rhyme schemes. This poem is obviously heartfelt, and it totally captured my attention. I'd like to see more of the things you write...because i know that no one writes only one poem like this one. cheers! aj

Ok...that's helpful. Drake, if you can't imagine an instance in which a dangling participle could occur, then you haven't edited for a certain someone who shall remain nameless to spare him scorn and shame (I love you, Jamie...you KNOW i do!). So here's a more pertinent example: "The boulder crashed to the ground nearby, crushing the edge of the rock he was sitting on." This is the sort of thing i'm dealing with. I'm sorry if i'm being obtuse here, but i swear, some of the instances that i'm dealing with make me sweat. cheers! aj Blue--I don't wear underwear, so that's out. But i'm always willing to discuss 'interested friends'...lol