aj

I met an absolutely amazing man named Ben once...truly beautiful, and quiet and gentle. Over time (ok, it was a week), I fell in love with him (or was deeply infatuated or something), and then one night in bed, he tells me he loves me but he's going to UC Davis in a month. In my usual fashion, I decided to use my heart as a landing pad, and continued to hang with him until he left, even letting him live with me for the last two weeks, since he'd given up his apartment. The night that he drove away in his little gray car was incredibly difficult. I still think about him from time to time, and I always wish him well. cheers! aj

Just found this lovely little story over on the archive, under "Beginnings": www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/beginnings/luke-and-jj/ It's a simple tale of two young men who find each other in California, set in the 1860's. It's told with a gentle warmth and simplicity that is terribly appealing, at least to me. I hope you all have a chance to read and comment. cheers! aj

I'm really enjoying this exchange. Like Jan, I highlight suggested changes in a different color than the standard text...I'm so proud of myself for writing a Macro on Word that automatically changes the color of a highlighted word to my standard green with the push of one button. Ok, so it's not rocket science, but I take my little ego boosts where i can get them. :roll: It's been my experience that the best author/editor partnerships happen when both participants can set aside their egos and work for the good of the piece of work. It's not an easy thing to accomplish, but when it happens, amazing things can happen. cheers! aj

Both of these are rather 'down-home' constructions, but I catch them cropping up in otherwise reasonably intelligent work: "If I would have noticed that..." and "That wood needs chopped." Lousy constructions, both. cheers! aj

I know that you were probably just popping off, SS--but this is a pet peeve of mine. No, those who can't do don't edit. Editing is a skill and art related to, but separate from writing. cheers! aj

I think the mark of a master story-teller is the ability to make your reader live in your tale for the duration of the reading...and sometimes beyond that. When the reader experiences the tale, and cares about what happens next, that's mastery. cheers! aj

First, a classic: Dancer From The Dance by Andrew Sullivan. He's not the writer that Edmund White is, but it's an interesting history of the infamous Fire Island phenomenon. I reccomend Geography Club, by Brent Hartinger; The Still, by David Feins, and the first coming out story I ever read, called Independence Day, by some woman who's name escapes me at the moment. Like Gabe's first coming out story, it's delightfully corny and well meaning. And, of course, the Harry Potter novels, since we all know that Harry and the Weasely twins have had a hot, three-way relationship going almost from the day they met. :smt016 =P~ cheers! aj

That you've been watching "Six Feet Under." A new roomie moved into our house who had the first two seasons on DVD, and I find the portrayal of gay life in the US on the show to be very true to life...There's some very poignant moments, and some very funny ones, and several that are enough to make you go "WTF?!" Yes, it's true that the breeders get all the good sex scenes, but what the hell. I like the show anyway. cheers! aj

I'm so sorry for your loss. aj

You guys have made my argument in a much more articulate way than I ever could have. I knew there was a reason why I liked the idea of this undescribed child...in addition to all the reasons you mention, I think part of my thinking was that short stories have to be so focused, and descriptions of the child's physical body are not needed here. The story is about his thoughts and feelings, and nothing hinges on what he looks like. I think of short story writing as being a lot like fencing--whatever doesn't get you closer to having the tip of your foil on your opponent's chest is wasted motion. cheers! aj

You guys have made my argument in a much more articulate way than I ever could have. I knew there was a reason why I liked the idea of this undescribed child...in addition to all the reasons you mention, I think part of my thinking was that short stories have to be so focused, and descriptions of the child's physical body are not needed here. The story is about his thoughts and feelings, and nothing hinges on what he looks like. I think of short story writing as being a lot like fencing--whatever doesn't get you closer to having the tip of your foil on your opponent's chest is wasted motion. cheers! aj

You guys have made my argument in a much more articulate way than I ever could have. I knew there was a reason why I liked the idea of this undescribed child...in addition to all the reasons you mention, I think part of my thinking was that short stories have to be so focused, and descriptions of the child's physical body are not needed here. The story is about his thoughts and feelings, and nothing hinges on what he looks like. I think of short story writing as being a lot like fencing--whatever doesn't get you closer to having the tip of your foil on your opponent's chest is wasted motion. cheers! aj

In spite of the fact that one's work must only be satisfactory to oneself, there is also such a thing as revising work after receiving criticism and using it to re-evaluate the work and, in some cases, improve it--thus making it more satisfactory to both the person who wrote it and the people who read it. In this particular case, the author asked very specifically for criticism, and that is why i provided the comments that I did. You have not in the past, nor will you see any time in the future, an instance of such a close reading and critique of a poem from me w/o having been asked to do so. No work is golden. Any literary work can (and should!) receive criticism, and it is the author's choice to revise or not. cheers! aj

seafood of all kinds are among my favorite foods...especially salmon or halibut. Beef is ok...but I prefer pork or lamb. and finally, birds--gotta love 'em. Chicken is fabulous. I've had Grouse, ptarmigan, peafowl and guinea fowl, all of which were wonderful, and I'm less fond of goose and duck. Turkey is ok, but not great. cheers! aj

Hey James-- I treat a lot of people with this disorder. Usually, it's a matter of a few eyedrops a day--xalatan and timolol. Not a big deal, but a little worrisome. Should be ok. the good news: now you have an excuse for smoking that 'herbal remedy.' :D/ cheers! aj

First of all, it's a good poem. The critiques I'm going to make are all pretty picayune, and only in the nature of fine tuning--the broad strokes are all there. 1.) put a comma at the end of the first line--it enhances the feeling of parallel structure. 2.) delete 'slightly' from the second line--it scans better without it. 3.)line 4 would read better as 'pale skin bleached by the passage of years.' because it provides an assortment of sonic devices, both assonance and alliteration within the line and with the next line. 4.) In line six, "Weakened body against the strong back of a lounger." would give you a nice sense of contrast. 5.)In lines 8 and 9, you set up a parallel structure, and then you abandon it in line 10. Is this deliberate? if not, perhaps "A murmur of final words." would be better...it completes the parallel structure, and it flows nicely from 'Another sigh of warning.' And you have the repeated 'ur' sounds in 'murmur' and 'words.' so that's my critique, with the proviso and reminder that this is all just my opinion. cheers! aj

The vatican is an enormous business interest. They own enormous quantities of land and business concerns, and they have millions of the faithful all over the planet contributing to their coffers. They own banks, for christ's sake (is that an example of irony, in light of what Jesus said on the steps of the temple?)! cheers! aj

Cute, Graeme...very cute. I was smiling and thinking "Won't he just be crushed when someone finally clues him in?" cheers! aj

As you probably noted, I like to leave comments at the end of the piece about things I noted in the piece and some justifications for my edits...occasionally, if there is a really serious problem ("die author, die!") I will add comments in the text in my ubiquitous green text. My relationship with Jamie is a special case, I think, and I've gotten rather spoiled. It's a best case scenario for me, because he has no concern for his own ego in the search for producing the very best story that The Scrolls can be, and we've worked together long enough to know that my goal is unwaveringly the same. That takes both our egos out of the way, and some wonderful things can happen. If certain constructions get too frequent, I can comment on them and not worry that he'll be offended. If a particular scene needs a major overhaul, I can write either an alternative scenario or a scene outline, and know that he's going to give it serious consideration or accept it. Nothing is sacred or golden in the scrolls, and the result is a very strong story. The only exception to this rule is the over all plot line, which if you know anything about Jamie, you know is already all planned out. cheers! aj

I agree that a physical description of the boy is not needed. The boy's actions are all we really need to know about, and you demonstrate those quite adequately--short stories are not a place for long expository passages. Why does the pov need to be first person in order for us to see what the boy is thinking? Pov and access to the boy's thoughts are separate issues--there is such a thing as third person, semi-omniscient point of view after all, which is what you have employed in this piece. We have access to the boy's thought processes throughout the whole story...he says not one word in the entire story, and yet we know what he's thinking. And, for the record, I'd LOVE to see you take on a speculative fiction story...I think you'd do a good job of it, and I think you'd find that it's an excellent way to explore a lot of issues. cheers! AJ

Welcome, jl! Hope you enjoy the literature presented here, and I hope you'll feel free to post some thoughts in the forum. cheers! aj

I've noticed that it's gotten awfully quiet in here. While I'm aware that editors are, in general, pretty busy people, I think it might be time for another flurry of activity. Anybody got any cool ideas? If you have some long-buried ideas for editing, pull one out and let's talk about it. you never know what might come of it. cheers! aj

that's not even mentioning the cukes and Thousand Island salad dressing... cheers! aj

I never can keep these things...er, straight in my head. Is this where i can say "Howdy" to the newest new guy? I'll take a chance. "HI, hesinc! Welcome to the best gay, amateur (mostly), literary site on the web!" C'mon in, put your feet up and get lost in a good read for awhile. cheers! aj

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